Tag Archives: Emotional Fitness Training Inc.


Come the weekend, and many will be lifting their glasses high, getting high. Fact: I love vodka straight  on the rocks; I suspect a Russian gene crept into my DNA.

Lattee addiction. Having confessed my love of vodka on the rocks, don’t think I am an alcoholic. Nor am I addicted to latte’s.  I confess to being a social media addict, nothing more.  We all have addictions, some more harmful than others. This post is about addictions that harm your body – mainly drinking and drugging.

Why this topic?  While I like my vodka,  I do not like the hard sell of drinking that is part of today’s culture.  Drinking moderately is probably safe, but not in moderation and harm accrues.  But alcohol is profitable and the sales pitches constant.

You can label me a cranky old lady on that one, I won’t mind  as long as you think a bit about the contents of this poster and this blog post.


And yes I have a gun; I am a better shot than hubby. and that is why he keeps the gun locked up and hides the key from me.  Wise man.

Emotional Fitness Thoughts

I have been drunk once in my life and once was enough; I got sick as a dog.  One way to sort those with an addiction to drink from those without one is what happens if too much drink goes down their throats.  Getting sick does not stop those whose drinking is a problem.

I am also lucky in that I have a built-in stop drinking signal. My upper lip gets numb when I have had enough. The one time I got sick from drinking was when I did not heed the numbness.

Four things fuel my rants about drinking and drugging addictions.

First? Coming  from a long line of drunks AA groupies, call the genetic basis for becoming an alcoholic.  Do my family tree and for generations some have always had the kind of problems with self-control that meant addiction of one sort or another.

My mother’s father reportedly drank 30 coke a day.  His wife was a teetotaler and that often goes along with one or another chemical abuse.  My hunch was when cocaine was no longer found in Cokes, he switched to drink, but minimally,  if my mother’s account was accurate, he was   a caffeine addict.

At least one relative literally drank herself to death. A number of others were what many call functional drunks.  These drink or drug way too much, but keep up a front. Some of these only get drunk periodically come the weekends or “festive” occasions. Sad to witness.

Second? Being a therapist meant  I often was called upon to quell the damage addictions wrought, but also realizing how difficult it was to bring about change.

Third?  Becoming a foster mother. Most of the kids placed with us were in teens in trouble with the law; many were addicts of one sort or another. As a foster parent,  I attended Alanon and found it both helpful and not helpful.

Fourth?  When we stopped being foster parents and I returned to work full-time as a mental health professional, the Harm Reduction movement had just begun. As part of that movement, I stumbled onto Motivational Interviewing. Than encounter inspired my Safe Drinking Rules Poster.


Emotional Tip One: Know the risk factors.  Three factors put someone at risk of becoming an addict.  The first? Genes. The second? Cultural attitudes toward drinking, but particularly towards drunkenness. The delight Western youth seem to take toward getting bombed puts most young in Western culture at risk.  Finally? Daily use.  One of the reasons the Safe Drinking Rules say to limit your drinking to four days a week is to prevent building up tolerance and in time drinking more and more.

Emotional Tip Two: Worried? Spend a month abiding by the safe drinking rules.  The rules can be adapted for drugging, for gambling, for all addictions including addictions to risk taking or anger.  The more you slip, the more you need to worry that your addiction is getting out of control.

Emotional Tip Three: If you or someone you care about is showing signs of addiction try a Twelve Step program. These  are worth exploring as you can usually find a meeting near you or on-line and cost you nothing but a pit of time. Most  suggest attending six meetings and  to spend your time listening  and learning.  That is also a useful phase for introducing yourself  at a meeting.  Finally, keep an open mind, as one Twelve Step Motto suggests “Take what you need, leave the rest.”

Emotional Fitness Tip Four:  Consider therapy. With addictions seek a counselor who uses a Harm Reduction or Motivational Interviewing approach. That is what I wold do.  I would also look for someone who set SMART Goals early in the therapy process and asked for feedback from you at each session.


Practicing a daily emotional fitness exercise program strengthens  your ability to  dealing with addcitions.  EFTI combines elements of  Twelve Step Programs, Motivational Interviewing, common sense as well as  research based cognitive behavioral practices known to improve emotional intelligence. I think mine are Gold Medal Winners.  Why?  Four reasons:

  1. Each is easy to learn and easier to practice.
  2. You can practice each one multiple times every day. The more you practice the easier each becomes a healthy habit.
  3. You can layer them, meaning you can practice two or even three at the same time.
  4. When learned and strengthened, each exercise soothes all emotions trying  to try boss you.

For all you do to share and care, thank you.  If you like what I say “clap your hands and show it” by liking, commenting, or sharing.


This post was inspired by this Word Press Daily Prompt – Pick Your Potion:Captain Picard was into Earl Grey tea; mention the Dude and we think: White Russians. What’s your signature beverage — and how did it achieve that status?

My response? Detailed above.

Related links of interest


Get a free digital download


But not at your boss. Post with laughs about people living in a world of their own.  Particularly bad to do at a job.   First a cartoon by jokideo.com

Slower drivers are idiots and faster driver asr naniacs.

Now for a joke on the same topic of living in your own world that makes me laugh a bit every time I read it. Not about work, but maybe the people who got angry were  afraid they will not get to work on time.

Definitely about what matters, and that is not getting locked into thinking you know what others are thinking, and that what matters to you, matters to all.

Thank you High School Friend Jack Simcox for this one. And thank whoever posted it for Jack to find and share.  Here it is:

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes to her granddaughter who is away at college.
Dear Granddaughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker .
I was feeling particularly “sassy” that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ‘For the love of God!’
‘Go! Go! Go!  Jesus Christ, GO!’
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked  your brother who was in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
Your brother  burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
                                                                                Love, Grandma

 EMOTional Fitness thoughts and tip

I know most of you laughed.  If you didn’t laugh, you are in the midst of a major life blow or too rigidly defending your beliefs (think about killing someone for a political cartoon or at a lessor level think about being annoyed by grammar or spelling errors).

Read on for here is a quick and hopefully funny test of your emotional intelligence or ability to handle negative emotions and stress,  what I call Emotional fitness.

If you did not find this a bit humorous that is another sign mad, bad, and sad feelings need taming.

This is not a research based test. No EFTI test is, and it is no different than 99.9% of the other tests oall the others socso take it with a grain of salt.

The purpose of all EFTI tests is to encourage thinking mostly about what matters, but also about you in order to strengthen what the experts call “self- awareness.”  Self-awareness is an important #emotionalintelligence tool, something the grandmother in the joke about lacked.

The other important thing about the above test is to use it to measure the seriousness of a life blow and your progress toward moving ahead. When we normally have a sense of humor and it flees that is a sign of a life blow. When laughter returns, you are on your way again but not back to life as it was. Life blows lead to a new normal, not the old one.

Not a life blow but a big downer for many of the young remains not having a jobs or having one they hate. This Cranky Old Grandmothers wishes instead of telling our youth to pursue the job of their dreams, which sets expectations way to high, we had said:

“Pursue your dreams, but remember work is what you get paid to do. Do it well, and you may earn enough to make your dreams come true.”

Other tips, when possible  laugh as often and as loudly as you can but heed these two warnings:

  1. Do not laugh at the boss even behind his or her back with a fellow employee who seems to feel as you do. The job you lose may be yours.
  2. Do not to indulge in cruel jokes. Many are funny, but encourage hatred or scorn of others. Bad.  What if your boss tells such jokes.  Smile to save your job, but intensify your effort to work somewhere else and when you are set in your new job, tell that boss and the one who bosses him or her why you left the job.

A tip for when you find it hard to laugh:

As I age and as my dream that Emotional Fitness might have some monetary success, laughing is harder. Moreover, remembering what matters and watching many in the world  retreating to hating of different, at times I feel guilty looking for something to laugh about.

However,  as they remind you on airplanes, you need to gather in oxygen for yourself, before reaching out to others.  Laughter in these dark times does not provide as much of a boost as it does when times are better; life, but even in high altitudes where there is less oxygen one  needs to keep breathing. So it is with seeking out laughter.

As a social media addict, it is easier to find and I easier to share. Go to my Laugh and Play Pinterest page and see if what I share there gives you a giggle or two.

When nothing else works, I visit a Laughing  Yoga clip on You Tube.  Here’s one.


Practicing a daily emotional fitness program strengthens you for making it through the bad times.   Moreover, such programs  improve your relationship with yourself and well as with others.

Why do  I think mine are Gold Medal Winners? Two reasons and not just because  they are easy to practice  once learned.

You can practice each one multiple times every day. The more you practice the easier each becomes a healthy habit.

When learned and strengthened, each exercise soothes when stress starts to try to take over your brain.

For all you do to share and care, thank you.  If you like what I say “clap your hands and show it” meaning share, like, or comment, you will help at least two people — me and you, but  hopefully you will also help some others. 


This post was inspired by this Word Press Daily Post Prompt:  If money were out of the equation, would you still work? If yes, why, and how much? If not, what would you do with your free time?

Lucky me, I am retireed, but find I work just as hard. Two things drive me. Trying to make the world around me better is always first. Then, I would like to make a bit of money with EFTI.  That’s a laugh or so it seems, nevertheless, I laugh on.

Related links of interest


Get a free digital download of the Ten Signs You Are Too Stressed here .



In a tunnel? Walk toward the light, but hope and do your version of prayer that the light is not a locomotive heading your way. Hope: good. Reality best.

Things change love means seeing beyond the changes that you do not like.

Emotional Fitness Thoughts

Tunnel vision in a relationship refers to the tendency to focus on what is bad rather than the good or hoping and working to make the bad better.

First, there is the decay of lust love. That first spark from who know where that is designed to perpetuate the human race, but fades fast as intimacy grows.

Then there are family ties.  Nothing changes more than family relationships.  As lucky grandparents know, babies grow into  terrible twos, become nice to be with preteens, then in the USA at least,  become  terrible teens and beyond;  but if all are lucky  maturity and a better balanced relationship with parents comes sooner than later.

Finally, there are friendships the break or just fall away from lack of contact or nurturing.

Emotional Fitness Tips

Emotional Fitness tip one: Do not heed the  “Just be happy” gurus advice telling you “Dump those who pull you down.”   You might end up  lonely, very lonely. Better advice learn to nurture the good, particularly in relationships that matter.

Emotional Fitness tip two:  The longer the relationship has existed, the more it will change, but the more staying the course can be satisfying.   Those who weather hard times tend to be more satisfied as they move into old age than those who give up some where along the way.

Emotional Fitness tip three:  Children deserve parents who stay together.  The birth of a child is a crisis for most parents.  Sometimes the joy more than balances the difficulties, but not always.

Most studies show that happiness with a marriage declines rapidly after the marriage whether there are children or not; but, birth of the first child  adds to the inevitable decline.

Finally, studies also show very clearly  that children are hurt by divorce.

Emotional Fitness tip four: The five in one rule nurtures all relationships. What’s that? Five pleasant encounters for each negative.

Emotional Fitness tip five:  Abuse cannot be tolerated, but needs to be clearly defined and therapy sought. The clearest sign of abuse remains physical contact that leaves bruises or red marks.  That is the indicator for child abuse and assault charges,

Emotional abuse is much trickier. Moreover, the Happiness Gurus have made many feel hurt feelings mean you are being abused.  Not true.

Most professionals agree that occasional negative attitudes or actions are not considered emotional abuse. James Garbarino, a national expert on emotional abuse notes  emotional abuse is the persistent, chronic, and unrelenting pattern of verbal behavior that scares, and destroys  the well being of its victim.

We all say and do things on occasion that hurt those we love. In fact the closer the relationship, the more likely we will slip from being kind and gentle.  When balanced by the five in one rule it is not emotional abuse. One what to balance your bad outbursts is to know how to make amends. That means saying sincerely, “I am sorry.”

Emotional Fitness tip six: Therapy and counseling help, but  the counselor or therapist must be competent.  The best counselors  set SMART goals with their clients and use a feed back mechanism to measure the success of the counseling.


Life is full of struggles and relationships are full of down moments.  Daily practice of an emotional fitness programs strengthens you for making it through the bad times.   Such programs also improve your relationship with yourself and well as with others.  Here is an introduction to mine.

For all you do to share and care, thank you.  If you like what I say “clap your hands and show it” meaning share, like, or comment, you will help at least two people — me and you, but  hopefully you will also help some others. 


This post was inspired by this Word Press Daily Post PromptTunnel Vision - You’ve been given the ability to build a magical tunnel that will quickly and secretly connect your home with the location of your choice — anywhere on Earth. Where’s the other end of your tunnel?

Hopefully, good relationships that nurture me as I nurture. them.

Related links of interest


Today I offer you two free digital downloads. Both can be found by browsing the EFTIstore. The First:

apology (2)

And the second:

How to set SMART Goals


Nervous laughter?  Not about you. Nor  is my Snorting Laugh when the idiocy of life or some people gets to me.  Rarely is it meant personally.Kids laughing nervously

Emotional Fitness Thoughts and Tip

Both my snorting laugh and nervous laugher  create the illusion someone is laughing at you. Way too personal and commits the twisted thinking flaw known as “The Curse of Personal Knowledge.”  That curse means you are not thinking, but using emotional reasoning, what you feel, not what is real.

Emotional fitness and emotional intelligence is all about not following your heart as so many of the happiness gurus preach.  Remember that “Love is blind” and that warning includes gut feelings and  intuition. The emotionally intelligent approach to passion feelings means partnering with your thinking cap before deciding what you need to do.

Emotional Fitness tip one: When a strong feeling tells you to act even in 911 situations thinking before acting remains wisest.  The feelings created by 911 situations urge you to either run, fight; 911 situations also cause you to freeze and faint.

Minimally you have to think where to run if that is when your feelings urge running;  when fighting is urged, you need to  think if you can win.

Emotional Fitness tip two: If the problem is not so hot laughter, either yours or someone elses, thinking is definitely the first strategy. Four things worth thinking about when you are not sure about the meaning of laugher:

  1. Am I taking some thing personally that isn’t personal? This is particularly important for parents, teachers, and bosses to think about. Nervous laugher is only made worse when not understood.
  2. If it might apply to me personally, is it worth fussing about?  The most extreme examples who want to kill  political cartoonists making fun of their religion.   Slightly less extremes are oversensitive feelings related to other people’s stupid, thoughtless, or prejudiced comments.
  3. Related to the above, but a bit different, you need to think if the other person thinks you are laughing at them.  My snorting laughter needs explaining if there is any chance the person thinks I am laughing at them.  Those who know me well understand my snorts. Those who don’t might need me to add to my snort. “Always gets me how some things are so predictably stupid.” or “Sorry, I laughed, it wasn’t at you, it was because life and others are sometimes so ridiculous it is laugh or cry.”
  4. If you feel action is required, then you absolutely must thinking about how to act wisely.  That is the subject of my soon to released eBook – Think Your Way to the Good Life.  Watch for its release so you can get a free sample.


No matter how busy you are, you need time outs to refresh and renew and a quick laugh often fills the bill.   A rule do not indulge aloud in hurtful laughs.  I laugh lots in my head, not always nice, but no real harm done as such laughs destroy my need to act.  Another rule: When such laughs  heat you up, do not indulge.

Even better is trying create laughs. Here’s today’s Free Poster Coach. Become a comedian:

How to become a comedian

As always, thank you for all you do to make the world around you more peaceful. Think of sharing this post as a way to practice kindness. All acts of kindness move the world a bit closer  toward peace.


How does this post fit in with Today’s Daily Prompt Uncanned Laughter: A misused word, a misremembered song lyric, a cream pie that just happened to be there: tell us about a time you (or someone else) said or did something unintentionally funny.

The above answers this but with a more serious discussion.


EFTI FREE POSTERS  Browse the EFTI store for free digital downloads of the posters shown. You will also see  nearly a hundred more designed to inspire, coach and teach you how to strengthen your #emotionalintelligence. Here is the link to the free poster attached to this blog.