Tag Archives: Emotional Fitness Training Inc.

SOOTH BY REMEMBERING WHAT MATTERS – 101 SESSION ELEVEN

Think what you buy, how you look, how smart you are, where you live, or the kind of work you do matters? Think again.  The Sages of the Ages know better.

What matters? Kindness to all.

This Poster Coach is available as a free download at the EFTI Store. If this is your first visit to this Free 101 Emotional Fitness Course, go here to catch up.

All the research agrees with these sages. What matters in the long run are caring relationships. Such relationships get created by being kind and generous, forgiving others for their flaws, forgiving yourself for not being perfect, and working together to make the your world and all the world a better place.

Here’s an exercise many find revealing:  Think about being told you have a day to  live. Who will you call? How will you spend your last few hours? What do you hope will be said about you in your obituary or at your funeral?

Find that uncomfortable. Of course. Maybe this will be a bit better.  Think about the date changing to a year from now and asking yourself the same questions.

Still not a happy thought. Understood. So give yourself five more years.  If you are under thirty that might be enough. After all a common motto among the young is “Live fast, die young, and leave a pretty corpse.”

Reality check: The Grime Reaper sets his own schedule and visits when he wants, never when we want. The young die too soon, and the old almost all want a longer life.

How can facing this fact help calm you? By keeping you from  sweating the small stuff and focusing on living the life you have  given with gratitude and kindness; then you can  say when facing death, “I did it my way and the right way.”

THREE STEPS PUT YOU ON THE ROAD TO THE GOOD LIFE

The first? Print up a free copy of the Remember What Matters Poster from the  EFTI store.  Post it where you will see it.  Seeing it will remind you to stay focused on what matters.

The second?  When you see the poster, think  for at least a minute or two about your personal life mission. A mission is not about things you want, it is about the kind of person you want to be.

Steven Covey, author of the best-selling book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People says”  “Writing a personal mission statement connects you to your own unique purpose and the profound satisfaction that comes in fulfilling it.”

In time, I will ask you to write a personal mission statement, but now it is enough to think a bit about what you want your life to stand for.

The third? Learn to set SMART goals. As Mark Twain noted, “I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life.  The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.”

SMART goals help you get serious about what you want. If you cannot take the time to set a SMART goal, it says you are not very serious about what you think you want.

How to set SMART Goals

Remember being asked to write a paragraph or two about the feeling bossing you the most and getting you into trouble?  Now is the time to set a SMART GOAL using what you wrote.

If you are not taking the course seriously, just read on. Any time you want to get serious, you just start the course again from the beginning.  For now, keep reading as the information will help you better move toward any goals that are important to you.

 God gives every bird his worm, but he does not throw it into the nest.

                                                                                                                            Swedish Proverb

SMART Setting

Ninety percent of the goals people set are not met.  Not a high success rate.  The ten percent  that are met are the ones the person finds important enough to take seriously.  Taking them seriously, means writing them down, tracking them, and sometimes, getting help from others.  If you are taking the course to get certification or to teach others, you need to do the above.

WHAT’S NEXT

Session Twelve shows you how to use sloganeering as a tool against negative self-talk.

LINKS OF INTEREST

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

I often use these prompts to spark my posts.  They can also be used to improve your critical thinking is the heart of emotional intelligence.

You can think about them as they are stated or use them to spark other thoughts which is what I usually do. Most can be related to Emotional Fitness. How? Well here is the prompt that connects to this post. I’ll answer it and tell you how I relate it to Emotional Fitness. Here is the challenge that relates to this post.

Custom Zodiac: You’re tasked with creating a brand new astrological sign for the people born around your birthday — based solely on yourself. What would your new sign be, and how would you describe those who share it?

How this relates to emotional fitness and today’s post? If you are emotionally fit, you STAR in your life meaning you Stop, Think, Act Wisely, and Reap rewards.  So that means your are a STAR Reaper.  And of course, I want everyone to be a STAR Reaper.

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free. You will find lots of other  offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. Go there and subscribe to be notified of new additions.

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps me ratings.  This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful. One star – Reinforced my knowledge. Two  Stars –  New  information.   Three stars – New useful information; Four stars- Very good.   Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and stay strong, I have to work at it constantly, but am grateful I have figured out how.

Katherine

SELF-SOOTHING, IMPROVING WHAT WORKS – SESSION TEN

Self-soothing skills remain the most popular part of this course. Testifies to how stressed we are. Most of us have healthy and unhealthy ways we use to find calm.

Health ways to self soothe

Remember if this is your first visit to the course, you can go here to start at the beginning. Not necessary, but advisable to get the most from it.  

Meditating got left off the list. That was not on purpose but gives me a change to highlight its value. Done properly and with practice it works. Think of the Dalai Lama who almost never gets ruffled.

That’s the good news.  The bad news? The Dalai Lama practiced years and years to be a star meditator.  The hyperactive or more impatient among us often find traditional meditations hard to learn. That  describes me. That is also why I developed EFT’s One Minute Meditation or OMM. Here it is:

A one minute meditation

If you have been taking the course, you are already familiar with the first four steps of the OMM. Guessed it was a  Calming Breath? Right.

Some words about all breathing exercises.  We breathe naturally, but there are  revving up ways to breathe and  calming ways to breathe. Both are useful.  Learning to use both wisely improves your self-soothing skills,

 Revving up breaths –  These often happen normally when we experience a negative feeling.  It starts by more or less holding our breath and breathing using our upper body.

Think of the last time something happened that really frightened you. Most likely, you caught and held your breath for a few seconds. When you began to breathe again, you took  quick, short breaths. Called thoracic breathing this does not fully expand the lungs; it decreases the flow of oxygen and so increases tension and revs you up.

Most call do not see why this is useful, but the body uses such breathing  to increase the flow of energizing chemicals and there lies its usefulness.

Calming down breaths –  this is the way babies breathe when sleeping and involves drawing a complete breath from deep in your belly, the way singers do.  Doing so gets more oxygen to your whole body and that is calming.

Not sure you know how to breathe from your belly? Try this:

  1. Stand at ease.
  2. Place both of your hands on your stomach.
  3. Imagine your stomach is a balloon.
  4. Breathe in and imagine you are filling that balloon with air.
  5. Breathe out and imagine the balloon collapsing.

Very hard for some, so here is another way to learn this one.  Do this in bed before falling asleep.

  1. Lie on your back.
  2. Put a book on your abdomen.
  3. Breathe as you normally do.
  4. Watch the book and see if it raises as you breathe in or out.
  5. Experiment with learning to raise the book as you breathe in.

Parenting tip: Instead of a book, use a small stuffed animal to teach a child how to breathe calm. You can start doing so when s/he has conquered language.

Using the above  to self-sooth and stay calm: Becoming  attuned to how you breathe alerts you to the need to switch to from one way  to the other. Mostly you will need to switch from revving up breaths to calming breaths.

Homework: Use bed time to practice learning both ways to breathe and how to switch from one to the other.  Switch several times, then practice the OMM until you fall asleep.

 WHAT’S NEXT

More self-soothing skills with a focus on turning negative self talk into positive slogans that calm and keep you focused on what matters.)

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

I often use these prompts to spark my posts.  They can also be used to improve your critical thinking which is the heart of emotional intelligence.

You can think about them as they are stated or use them to spark other thoughts which is what I usually do. Most can be related to Emotional Fitness. How? Well here is the prompt that connects to this post. I’ll answer it and tell you how I relate it to Emotional Fitness.

Doppelgänger alert: You step into an acquaintance’s house for the first time, and discover that everything — from the furniture, to the books, to the art on the wall — is identical to your home. What happens next?

How this relates to emotional fitness and today’s post.  I laugh gently, which is an emotional fitness exercise, then thank my friend for finding so much of me to like and then admit, I also miss what was special about him that could never be me and suggest the next time  I visit, I hope to see more of him and less of me.

If you think deeply, another emotional fitness exercise, hopefully, you realize the beauty of our world lies in its variety. A world inhabited by copies of you would soon become very boring.

MORE FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free  (Handouts are in Black and White while Foster Coaches are in color.)

Some might not be up yet.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If a handout isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises.

Subscribe to be notified of new additions.

LINKS OF INTERESt

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps me ratings. This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

 

SLOGANEERING – SESSION TWELVE

Sloganeering turns negative self-talk into a self-soothing exercise. Here are some slogans that calm and improve your emotional fitness aka Emotional Intelligence.

SLOGANPOSTER

The above are general posters. Sloganeering works best when you create personal slogans.

How to turn self-talk into useful slogans.

 How to become a sloganeerer

If any of the slogans in the above posters work for you great. Still, for some stronger ones  review your self-talk and turn the loudest  into slogans.  Easy enough to do. Here are a few samples.

  • Turn “I’m a loser” into “Winning my way” or “Winning at what matters.”
  • Instead of  “I can’  go on” think  “Going on” or “Change comes.” or   “Break needed.”
  • Not “Down and out” but “Break time.”

Review your self talk list and see what you come up with.

How to use slogans

When you need to sooth a negative voice,  OMM and as you breathe normally repeat the slogan . Don’t know how to OMM?  Start the course at the beginning or read on.

A one minute meditation

PARENTING TIP

Even before your child starts talking you can start using slogans.  You probably do so already, the trick is to make them short and snappy and to add rhythm.  One parent I know used to sing,  “Pop up, Pop up, Right away Pop up” when her toddler fell but wasn’t obviously badly hurt. In time her toodler would announce small hurts with her own “Pop up, Pop up.”

Besides giving her a stay strong type of slogan,  this was a first step to teaching how to rate things. Probably the next skill you can teach.  When a hurt is big, “Big hurt” while comforting  your child teaches rating. Teaching the ASL signs for big  and small along with the words works best. Don’t know those signs?

  • Big: hands in front of you, palms together then pulled apart from the middle to your sides
  • Small: hands in front of you  palms together then pulled apart only about three inches.

WHAT’S NEXT

More self soothing exercises including Creating Sanctuaries, Walking Meditations and Peaceful Hands.

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

I often use these prompts to spark my posts.  Intended to improve writing they also get you thinking more deeply. Deeper thinking is  critical thinking and the heart of emotional intelligence.

You can think about them as they are stated or use them to spark other thoughts which is what I usually do. Most can be related to Emotional Fitness. How? Well here is the prompt that connects to this post. I’ll answer it and tell you how I relate it to Emotional Fitness.

What inspired today’s post. No. 3 – Today you can write about anything, in whatever genre or form, but your post must mention a dark night, your fridge, and tears (of joy or sadness; your call). Feel free to switch one ingredient if you have to (or revisit one from previous trioprompts).

How this relates to emotional fitness and today’s post. Our negative self-talk strengthens mad, bad, and sad feelings. Shame, fear, anger grow; tears or smiles are evoked. Often such talk visit in a dark night either invading our dreams or keeping us awake with their relentless slaughter of all that is good.

MORE FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free  (Handouts are in Black and White while Poster Coaches are in color.)

Some might not be up yet.  I am a Jill of all in this business, an old one, so some things take longer than others and life might get in the way.  If a handout isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises.

Subscribe to be notified of new additions.

LINKS OF INTEREST

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps me ratings. This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful. One star – Reinforced my knowledge. Two Stars – New information. Three stars – New useful information; Four stars- Very good. Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time. I am.

Katherine

 

HOW TO USE FEELING THERMOMETERS – SESSION EIGHT

Congratulations, you are now ready to move on to the second Emotional Fitness Training  Skill: Measuring Feelings. Go here for previous course sessions. 

Measuring happiness on a feeling thermometer

 You can get a free copy of this one by going here.

Why measure feelings? So you can spot when a bossy feeling is trying to take over and get you to do things you will regret.

Here is another feeling thermometer, this one measures stress leading to anger.

#emotionalintelligence blog post #anger management feeling thermometer

You can get a free copy of this one by going here.

To use either of these feeling thermometer’s, print the chosen one up, preferably in color and on card stock, but black and white and plain paper will do.  Post where you will see it most often during the day.  When you see it, take a quick calming breath, and note your feeling temperature.  Go on about your day.

What to do if your temperature is getting into the danger zone. Much more about that a bit later in the course.  For now, if anger is growing, slow down, take a break, breath calmly, use some positive self talk to stay calm, and do not do what anger suggests  instead think about how to act wisely.

If sadness is starting to take over, take action;  sadness is mostly a shut down emotion.  Doing  something productive defeats its efforts to pull you even further down; healthy action of any kind lifts your spirits.

Remember, if you are hurting yourself or others because a negative feeling keeps bossing you, get professional help, call 911 if you are thinking seriously of killing yourself or another. Otherwise call a professional crisis help line. Here is list of the many that are available on-line.

WHAT’S NEXT

Next session: How to Create a Personal Feeling Thermometer. Why do you need to do that? Because all feelings are subjective and a general feeling thermometer like the two shown here, do not capture your feelings as well as a personal one.

LINKS OF INTEREST

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

I often use these prompts to spark my posts.  They can also be used to improve your critical thinking is the heart of emotional intelligence.

You can think about them as they are stated or use them to spark other thoughts which is what I usually do. Most can be related to Emotional Fitness. How? Well here is the prompt that connects to this post. I’ll answer it and tell you how I relate it to Emotional Fitness.

Ready, set, done – Our ten-minute free-write is back! Have no mercy on your keyboard as you give us your most unfiltered self (feel free to edit later, or just publish as-is).

How this relates to emotional fitness and today’s post.  It doesn’t except that I start all my writing efforts by just letting my fingers do the walking, then I edit lots and still do not get it right.

As I have noted before, I have dysgraphia and am not rich enough to hire an editor, so my posts and other products are not perfect.  That makes me cringe when I find an error.

There is, however, good news.  My dysgraphia has been a major reason for  my eventually learning “Good enough” is “Good enough.” That helped me defeat shame.  For me “Good enough”  means if one of you stumbles through my errors and finds a bit of wisdom that is perfection for me.

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free. You will find lots of other  offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. Go there and subscribe to be notified of new additions.

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps me ratings.  This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful. One star – Reinforced my knowledge. Two  Stars –  New  information.   Three stars – New useful information; Four stars- Very good.   Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and stay strong, I have to work at it constantly, but am grateful I have figured out how.

Katherine