Tag Archives: Emotional fitness

HOW TO KNOW WHO REALLY CARES

You need caring people in your life to stay emotionally fit.  Do this EFTI Circle of Care Exercise to see who you can rely on for what. First some funny quotes.

Funny quotes about friendship

CIRCLE OF CARE EXERCISE

Everyone needs people in their lives willing to help when help is needed.  Some  have lots of people, some only a few, and very few feel no one is there for them. The people who are there fore you are best thought about as belonging in one of three Circles of Care

Here are the steps for figuring out your Circles of Care. 

1. Take a sheet of paper and draw three circles one inside the other like this:Use the whole sheet of paper.

Untitled

2. Fill out the circles according to the following ratings:

The first or inner circle is for extended supportive family members and friends.  These t can be counted on to be there with support and concrete help whenever and whatever support is needed that they can provide and to do so without hesitation.  Treasure these, they are few and far between.

The second circle is for those including family or close friends as well as neighbors, and  other people who offer support at a lower level than your inner circle. These might be friends who will always offer emotional support, but will not or cannot  lend you money or come to your rescue if your car broke down.

The third circle is for people involved with you because of an official role, and who the you feel are caring. Might include a teacher, the secretary in your doctor’s office, come of your doctors, coaches, bosses, co-workers, the cop on the beat, an auto mechanic.

Outside of the Circles are those people who cannot be trusted enough to go to help in any way. These include people from the family, the neighborhood, work, even your place of worship, and of course professionals you must interact with.

Why rate friends this way?  Because it keeps your expectations reality based.  On to the tips related to your Circle of Care:

Emotional Fitness tip one: You do not need a gang of people in your Inner Circle.  The mental health professionals think one or two are enough to keep you strong.  With the Second Circle the more the better.

Emotional Fitness tip two: Where did you put yourself? You need to make sure you care enough for yourself to be in your Inner Circle. No one else can do for you as much as you can do for yourself.

Emotional Fitness tip three:  Did you put God somewhere? For many God belongs in the Inner Circle. For agnostics in the Second Circle, for atheists not anywhere.  If atheist who do you rely on for spiritual and moral guidance.

Emotional Fitness tip four:  Some people put pets in their Inner Circle, they belong mostly in the Second Circle even  trained Service Dogs who  do take on some specific concrete tasks.

Emotional Fitness tip five: Treat all in your first two circles with kindness and care, doing so might even see one or two moving up to the inner circle.

Emotional Fitness tip six: The fewer people in the first two circles, the more you need to work to add some.  This might mean seeking therapy.  Shy and introverted people who have a hard time making friends would find Cognitive Behavioral Therapy useful. Another group of people who should think about therapy are the angry ones.  Therapy has a bad reputation, but a competent therapist is someone to add to your third circle of care.

PARENTING TIP

You are responsible for staying in your child’s inner circle of care, particularly during his or her growing up years.  This means patience, knowing how children feel and think, teaching manners, self-soothing exercises, practicing kindness, knowing what matters, and forgiveness of self and others.  Hard work, but worth the effort.

IMPROVE YOUR CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS

The heart of emotional intelligence is the ability to know what your heart tells you to do, but then partnering with your thinking skills so you make the best decision possible. I use Daily Prompts to help me think more critically.  Here’s today’s.

DAILY PROMPT  Circle of Five      A writer once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If this is true, which five people would you like to spend your time with?

I had no idea what to blog about this morning.  Can you  see how this Daily Prompt lead to this post.

LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at family, staff meetings, in classes to motivate or spark discussions.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same. Like daily physical fitness keeps you strong, practicing some Emotional Fitness Training Exercises keeps you emotionally strong.

Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to Practice Kindness (an easy Emotional Fitness Exercise is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.

Katherine

HOW GRATITUDE DEFEATS THE BAD STUFF

To move forward when life throws mega blows  at you, you need to have learned the art of gratitude; just as there is summer, there is also winter, and then spring.

gratitude

Emotional fitness is not about denying hurt; trying to is futile and only drives it underground where it builds up steam and erupts.  Emotional fitness is about feeling your feelings, seeing them as tools for leaning, or moments to be enjoyed and building the tools you need to survive a life blow, what the experts call trauma.

Trauma is best defined as something painful that changes you forever.  Feelings serve as signals and painful ones accompanying trauma  stop you from feeling anything but the pain.   You can only cry or howl.

However, in time you move on.  Some move on by getting angry, others numb out, others howl in despair or cry knowing their hearts have been broken; their lives changed forever.

I am one who cries, and it is always with thinking ” I will never be able to stop my tears.”  Not what happens.  Life blows get you howling or crying for far longer than you like. Some weep uncontrollably for what seems like hours.  I go for about twenty minutes in spurts that last for days, but each day the time between the tears or howling grow longer.

The goal all should strive for is to express the pain as pain. However,  some never cry, but rage. Anger is a shield against hurt.  Feeling the hurt is more productive but not if you wallow in as a victim.

Our genes often determine how long it takes to stop the tears or anger or despair that visits along with life blows.

The more we are able to persist in getting a job done, the more likely we have genes involved in the trait called persistence by the experts.  Persistence is a mega talent in many ways – some say it is the key to success. Now so helpful when trying to let go of pain and move on.

The traits passed on to us in our genes are not set in stone and can be modified and often are as we grow.   Learning to be grateful for the good when dealing with  a double-edged swords like being both blessed and cursed with persistence is one practicing gratitude.. For more about temperament visit this Parents Are People Too blog post. Take the temperament test.

HOW TO PRACTICE GRATITUDE

Before the bad times come make a list of all you have to be grateful for – life, food, love, a beautiful world, friends, surviving bad times, good memories, pets, even material possessions. I am grateful for my computer and for access to the Internet, for my books, for my old, but still running car.

Be specific. When being thankful for the people in your lives,  list them by name and the gift each brings.  Some friends bless you in one way; others bless you in other ways.  Even the worse parent can be thanked for giving you life.

When you have made your list, get comfortable, then take a deep slow breathe  in and  as you breathe out say “Thank you” while thinking of something on your list.  Breathe normally for a few moments and then thank something else exactly as you thanked the first. When you have said “Thank you” at least three times,  say a general thank you, smile and go about your day. .

You can never say “Thank you” enough. As Elizabeth Gilbert notes, “In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.”

Gratitude is best practiced off and on throughout the day. Every time someone does something for you, say “Thank you” aloud. When someone rings up your purchases or packs your groceries, or holds a door say, “Thank you” Thank inanimate objects. Say “Thank you” when something works. Say “Thank you” when things go your way. Say “Thank you” when you see something of beauty. Say “Thank you” when you hear some beautiful or inspiring music. When you smell a whiff of fresh air, or the scent of a flower, or the aroma of fresh coffee or hot chocolate, say “Thank you.”

All that is good in this world is a gift and saying “Thank you” extends the gift.

And thank pain for the lessons it gives. There are always lessons.

parenting tip

As always what you do matters most, so say  “Thank you” when practicing gratitude in your child’s presence.  You do not have to thank bad behavior, but should always say it when the bad behavior stops.

IMPROVE YOUR CRITICAL THINKING

DAILY PROMPT  Last Words: You have the chance to write one last post on your blog before you stop blogging forever. Write it.

Can you guess what mine would be? A “Thank You” Post in the form of a good bye letter and it would begin with Charles Lee’s Gratitude poerm.

What would you write in such a letter?

Links of interest

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above,  I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.

Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.

Katherine

THREE PITY POT SAYINGS OR JOKES (?)

Cannot laugh at these.  Life probably sucks big time right now. The most important thing? Do not let the bad keep you on the Pity pot too long.

Self pity joke.

PITY POT1 images (2)Yes, you are the only one who can get up and off the Pity Pot.  The strength lies within No other  tips today but do think a bit and if you have not read yesterday’s post. Read it now.

DEEPER THOUGHTS

Once pain fades recalling it reinforces it and that  why self-pity is destructive,  it creates the bad feelings over and over again.

Sadly often we don’t know we are caught in its web, because we feel entitled, get pleasure, and can more easily shrug off responsibility. Those three things increase the livelihood of more pain.  Do not think I am denying pain and the fact that at times you are sitting drowning and have been pulled under by pain, then the most you can do means breaking down. That is survival, not sitting on a pity pot.  However when you come up for air, you need to find a healthy distraction, feeling sorry is not one.

DAILY PROMPT: Cut Off – When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?

We so need others in our lives that one thing driving us to the pity pot is loneliness. What to do? Almost anything healthy that absorbs your interest so much your forget the real world for a while. Any that even helps in the loneliest of times which is when others are around, but self absorbed,

Reading a page turner does it best for me.  Writing or interacting on social media also get me enjoying more and reduces the chance of my hind end getting a red ring from pity pot sitting.

LINKS OF INTEREST

BE KIND TO ME

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same. All on the social media need the kindness of likes and they really take little time.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find some good every day.

Katherine

 

WHY PRACTICING KINDNESS MATTERS,

The greatest gift of practicing kindness is that you can look in the mirror and find a better self reflected.

Go Beyond Random Kindness

We are each other’s mirrors. As we grow what others see in us we come not just to see, but to  believe about ourselves. Then as we grow what we see in others is our reflection and often not of our better selves, but of our lessor selves. Why practicing kindness matters.

pARENTING TIP

Teaching children to practice kindness begins with teaching good manners. Manners are not a matter of which fork to use but treating others the way you want to be treated.

For more tips about teaching children to be kind see this Parents Are People Too Blog Post “Kindness matters.”

DEEPER THOUGHTS

The more kindness spreads, the more peace grows. But to think a bit more about being kind, one must also be safe. There are those who respond to kindness as weakness; all those who only know hate will respond to kindness violently. Why the ancient laws and world-wide laws recognize the different between killing in self-defense and murder.

DAILY PROMPT “Think global, act local.” Write a post connecting a global issue to a personal one.  Just did.

LINKS OF INTEREST

BE KIND TO ME

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same. All on the social media need the kindness of likes and they really take little time.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find some good every day.

Katherine