Tag Archives: Emotional fitness

HOW NOT TO LET BAD THINGS HYPNOTIZE YOU

Your brain is designed to keep you safe and so hoards bad memories; makes letting go of the bad harder. Sneaky self-hypnosis.  Practicing Gratitude helps..

gratitude

Reality makes this hard at times. Think about loved ones you have lost through betrayal or death.  Grief and hurt rule. Emotional Fitness is not about denying hurt; trying to is futile and only drives it underground where it builds up steam and erupts.  Emotional fitness is about feeling your feelings, seeing them as tools for leaning, or moments to be enjoyed.

Feelings serve as signals and painful ones that signal trauma or a life blow can signal so loudly, you are stopped from feeling any thing else. Then all you can do is wait. You cannot even cry or howl. n time you move on. Soon you do more than stand silent; you move on. Some move on by getting angry, others numb out, others howl in despair or cry as if their hearts are broken.

I am one who cries, and it is always with the  I will never be able to stop my tears.  Not what happens.  Life blows can get you howling or crying for far longer than you like. I know some who can weep uncontrollably for what seems like hours.  I go for about twenty minutes.

Reality check: Our genes often determine how long it takes to stop life blow tears or anger or despair.  The healthy is to express the pain as pain. However,   some never cry, but rage. Anger is a shield against hurt.  Feeling the hurt is more productive but not if you wallow in as a victim.

Those who never cry pr rage might be numbed out and that is far from good.  These need to work to improve  both their ability to feel and to better tolerate painful feelings so they can better enjoy the good ones.

Apply the following parenting tips to your inner child.

PARENTING TIP

Parenting tip one:  Temperament plays a strong part in determining how pain is handled. Learn your child’s temperament traits.  Doing so will increase your awareness of his or her way of being. For example, if you have a child that cries long and hard; the traits of persistence and intensity are at work. However, if you have a child who seems to bounce up quickly from hurts, s/he is on the lower end of the intensity trait. Makes for boldness and in a persistent child  makes him or her harder to discipline.

Parenting tip two: Work to moderate strong traits. Temperament can be moderated.  My inner being is shy, but I have been on Oprah, so my parents mantra pushing me a bit, but not too much paid off.   Bold risk taking children can be taught caution. Stubborn children to make wise choices. Teach feeling awareness, taking a feeling temperature, and self-soothing  are the skills to build.

Parenting tip three:  Think about goodness of fit in all relationships.  A bold parent will find a shy child harder to deal with than a bold child. Friends often compliment each others temperment. A good of fit with a teacher’s style often determines what a child learns at school.

Parenting tip four:  Hold on to good memories; help your child do the same. Recalling fun times, reviewing pictures of good times, collecting some mementos and making memory books are way to do this.

IMPROVE YOUR CRITICAL THINKING

 LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above,  I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.

Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.

Katherine

 

THREE TIPS TO DEFEAT PERFECTIONISM THAT HAS BECOME OCD – A SNEAKY HYPNOTIST POST

Can you settle for good enough? If not you may be ruled by perfectionism which can take over your life in many sneaky ways. OCD is one.

OCD checklist

Tip one:  Know when perfectionism has taken over.  Use the checklist above to see if you are struggling with a brain that focuses too strongly on getting things perfect.

Tip two:  Do not let stigma keep your from getting professional help. Part of trying to be perfect means not thinking you need help, particularly professional help. Not helpful.

Tip three: If you seek professional help, make sure you seek competent help. Not so easy.  For OCD you want someone who uses a cognitive behavior approach. You also want someone who is comfortable with medication and either can prescribe or is affiliated with someone who can.

When dealing with any therapist, look for someone who has a feedback mechanism in place. The best feedback at the moment comes for the International Center for Clinical Excellence.  Not many therapists use this group, however.  Another way to measure progress is to develop a SMART Goal for what you want from therapy and see if the therapist will use that as a feedback mechanism.

PARENTING TIPs

Parenting tip one: As there seems to be a strong genetic basis for perfectionism including OCD, if you are a perfectionist, your child might easily struggle with OCD.  At the same time, most children show some of the above signs.  The trick is always to decide how much perfectionism’s rules.

Parenting tip two  With a teen have him or her complete the above check list.  Also think of using the check list at a family meeting and then discussion how the media seeks perfectionism.

Parenting tip three:  Visit this  Parents Are People Blog Post for more tips.

IMPROVE YOUR CRITICAL THINKING

 LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above,  I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.

Member’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.

Katherine

 

HOW TO LET GO OF PERFECTIONISM – A SNEAKY HYPNOTIST POST

I seek imperfection, for there lies the possibility of  learning, growing, becoming enlightened. Seeking perfection holds me back? How about you?IMPERFECTION QUOTES As with all things, there is good in seeking perfection and bad.  The good? Motivating. The bad? Impossible. More bad? Leads to judging people with a biased heart. More bad?  Can keep people from moving ahead; the checking symptom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder the best example.

Any one who reads my posts knows I have struggled all  my life with a learning disability called Dysgraphia.  Most simply this is a problem with spelling, punctuation, and grammar.  I know how to spell “the” or “not” and any number of longer words.  But when I write “the” can become het, hte, or eth, and “”not can become now, own, ton. Moreover, spell check might catch the misspelling of “the” but not “not.” How did I ever find the gall to think I would become a published author?

Actually,  my learning disability played a big part in my success.  How? One way was by blinding me to perfect writing.  Because my writing was erratic in terms of spelling or grammar, I didn’t stumble and fuss when reading other people’s errors.  I looked for meaning, not perfection.  I read for ideas and became a strong critical thinker.

But that would have not made me a writer without parents who supported “Trying” as a virtue and  “failures” as lessons;  teachers who honored my thoughts more than my spelling errors or  my misplaced commas;  and editors who did not give up on me when I finally put together a book ideas that caught their fancy.

I also was blessed in another way by my learning disability.  The shame that sometimes attached to the disability hardened me to its immobilizing efforts. Shame always wants you to sink into the ground and vanish. I spent many hours alone in front of the black board trying to write a spelling list correctly and failed over and over again.  Filled a perfection seeking teacher with despair, but toughened me in lots of ways.

I had another blessing  in that I was not dyslexic, and learned to read early on and became hypnotized by the adventures that I found in reading.  I still read two or three books a week for the sheer pleasure of escaping from the real world.

Finally, two other things turned me into a published author. First, being a therapist who then leapt into the trenches of life.  How?  By coming not just a foster parent, but probably one of the few foster parents in the world who ended up caring for hundreds of other people’s children.

We cared  mainly for teenagers in trouble with the  law and only as while they were waiting for the court to decide their fates. Some stayed for a few days, most for about six weeks and some for many months.  When leaving us, many of our kids returned to their parent’s care, some went to other foster homes, some to group homes and a few to juvenile lock ups.

Then there was the technology revolution which brought word processing into my life along with spell check and reduced the horror facing editors and others reading what I wrote. Reduced but did not erase. However, I would not be an author without word processing.

Tips for defeating perfectionism. 

Tip one:  As always reality must be part of your thinking.  The purpose of shame – which is the emotional response to feeling imperfect is to keep us from doing the unforgivable – killing, torturing, raping, and oppressing others.  If you are doing any of those things, you need shame to make you stop; you might need therapy, or others to lock you up.  All other shames must be labeled Silly Shame.

Tip two: What you hide speaks often of how shame rules.   Shame as a powerful emotion tells us to sink out of sight when we have done wrong.  Not good when we have done no evil; not good if we are hiding the evil we do.

Tip three: Bringing shame out into the open is often the best step to defeating the power of  Silly Shame. Ashamed of speaking up in meetings or when in a group. Acting as if you are the best public orator in the world might work. Think if each time you act as a dress rehearsal until you no longer need to act.

Tip four: Talking about shame weakens it. That is why some 12 Step programs help, and why confession of sins eases both the shame and the inclination to  behavior badly.

Tip five:Whether you or another are the victim of  shame practice the five in one rule. Five affirmations or compliments for one nasty negative.

Tip six: When you cannot keep from acting on an evil inclination, you must get help from professionals.  Maybe the inclination is not evil, but defined as such by your parents, teachers, or preachers.  then guilt and shame are the problem, not the deed. Only a competent professional can help you sort that out and only if you are honest.

Parenting tips

Parenting tip one.   Children come to shame naturally; remember that and do not buy into the idea that it is only created by parents.

Parenting tip two: Be careful when criticizing  a child. Think and say trying, good enough, learning.

Parenting tip three:  Offset the pain of shame by taking the time to teach your child  to stand up to silly shame.  That starts with labeling a child’s shame as silly or a signal to behavior better.

IMPROVE YOUR CRITICAL THINKING

 LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above,  I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.

Member’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.

Katherine

HOW HOME, SOIL, AND RAIN CREATE PERFECTIONISM – A SNEAKY HYPNOTISM POST

Most ads present you with faux images that  get embedded in your brain and create a false reality.  Remember trances are alternative realities.  Here’s one:

Easy to spot the linking of this product to the future many woman aspire to.  There are several Sneaky Hypnotic tools at play,  but the one we are less aware of is perfectionism.

This weeks posts will all be about enjoying being good enough.  Home and early childhood are where perfectionism finds fertile soil, and when the world outside rains down sneaky hypnotism messages about being perfect, it is easy for self-esteem to erode.  Try the advice on this poster coach to fight back.

perfectionism

IMPROVE YOUR THINKING SKILLS

six Parenting tips

Kids really strive to be perfect and the younger the child, the more often they fail.  For some kids this leads to what is called “learned helplessness.”  Feeling you will never be good enough so you stop trying. For others it create a steady erosion of feeling capable.

The media which promotes perfection needs strong countering from parents.  So here are some tips to do that:.

Parenting tip one: Praise trying more than success.

Parenting tip two: Make it clear everyone has talents and everyone has limits.  Life is  long experiment in discovering what you do best as well as what you cannot do.

Parenting tip three: Talk a bit about luck or chance as part of success. 

Parenting tip four: With the under school age child, talk about all s/he as learned. Ask if the child recalls learning to sit up, walk, or talk.

Parenting tip five: Always code reality.  Take Santa Claus or all forms of fantasy.   Label such things as myths or make-believe.  The  child will not fully understand what you are talking about and  will still enjoy the fantasy; however, s/he but will not be shocked when his or her thoughts change and the meaning of make-believe finally dawns.

Parenting tip six: With a child moving into the teen years or already there promote critical thinking.  Use social media, the words in songs, movies, ads on tv to do so.  encourage critical thinking puzzle solving but make it a fun.

 LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

MY ANSWER TO THE  PROMPT

Apparent in the title of this post. Can you think of another title?

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above,  I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.

Member’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.

Katherine