Tag Archives: Emotional fitness

Keep Learning and Stay Emotionally Intelligent

As the school year starts, the little ones rush to kindergarten joyously and eager to learn.   Do you still love learning? Think about the ideas in this Poster Coach.

How to be a life long learning

What stops  your learning? The list starts with “Can’t do that.”  But, mainly when shame enters the door.

Jerome Kagan, retired Harvard  researcher into how we become who we become, notes that shame enters our lives around the age of three. That is when we become aware of thoughts and behaviors that lead to fear we will  fail to gain self-respect or the respect of others.

Kagan believes that more than the pleasures of the body, in the long run most people want to be viewed as good people in the eyes of the world, particularly those we see as important.  When we fail when to learn something, we are at risk of being ruled by shame.

Minimally, we become uncertain in failure situations.  Uncertainty mainly gets resolved by either  blaming ourselves and so becoming shamed and depressed; or by blame someone else and so becoming angry but feeling better about ourselves.

I have two learning disabilities. Learning disabilities invite shame to visit and hang around. And yes I am vulnerable to feeling shame. Growing old and becoming deaf add to that vulnerability.  What do I do to overcome?

Finding labels for my difficulties helped. I have Dyscalculia which means cannot do math and Dysgraphia which means mega trouble getting words on to paper or word processor coherently and without spelling or grammar mistakes.  I have given up on math, but am a blogger and published author despite dysgraphia.

Why dysgraphia didn’t keep me from writing  – my mother who encouraged trying and attached little shame to failing if you tried;  my father who wrote for a living and who I wanted to be like; teachers who honored my thinking and not my mistakes; becoming a foster parent and a mental health professional which gave me a unique story and made me somewhat of a parenting expert; and finally, editors who stood by me.

EMOTIonal Fitness Training Tips

Emotional Fitness Training Tip One: You are a genius, but you cannot “Just Do” all you want. “Just Do It” sells Niki’s but erodes #emotionalintelligence by setting creating unrealistic expectations.

An important life learning task is to find you real talents and build on them.

You must also build the skills that will get you ahead in everyday life.

Finally, you can continue to pursue your passions, but for the joy of the pursuit, not the dream of stardom.

Emotional Fitness Training Tip Two: You will fail, learn the lessons. Seeing failure as opportunity strengthens your emotional intelligence and there are always lessons to be learned from failing.

Emotional Fitness Training Tip Three: Get all the help you can.  The great Mr. Rogers noted that the best advice his mother gave him was to look for the helpers and there are always helpers.

The Stars have trainers, coaches, therapists, personal shoppers, financial managers, personal chefs, chauffeurs if desired and those “do what I want personal assistants.”

If you can pay for help, lucky you, if not it is harder, but help is always somewhere out there if you seek it.

Parenting advice

If you child turns against school worry about three things:

Bullying – kids are ashamed to admit to bullying. Moreover, bullies threaten more harm if the child complains.  Go here to learn more about signs a child is being bullied. 

Learning disabilities. These cannot be diagnosed easily. Best choice an educational psychologist who is not affiliated with schools and who specializes in diagnosing learning disabilities. Next best choice a mental health agency with  family and children’s services that include the use of advocates.

Temperament and Goodness of Fit: Teachers naturally prefer quiet, obedient children, if a child is bold or hyperactive, s/he may have problems in school. This should be checked our and a strategy is the one suggesting in figuring out if the child has a learning disability.

Meanwhile, work to improve yours and your child’s self-soothing skills. Yes, the best way to do that is to buy my eBook Self-soothing Create Calm in Your Life, an Emotional Fitness Program.   Give up a latte and buy it now!

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful. Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it? Comment and tell me why and how to improve.

Katherine

Post relationship to WordPress Prompt  Inside the Bubble -A contagious disease requires you to be put into quarantine for a whole month (don’t worry, you get well by the time you’re free to go!). How would you spend your time in isolation?

So easy for me, writing and giving into my social media addiction.

The actual inspiration for this post came from Internet friend Ester de Beer who shared a post of another internet friend. Helen Douglas.

OTHER LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)
The five components of emotional Intelligence (www.sonoma.edu)
An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents(amazon.com)

 

How To Build Peace Within – 3 Tips

Life can be a whirl wind, blowing you every which way. With these three Emotional Fitness Training, Inc tips, you can find peace within. Tip one:

Tips for finding peace within..

Building peace within takes time and practice. the sooner you start, the better.

Dr Anders Ericsson, expert on what it takes to be a star in any field,  said  it takes 10,000 hours (20 hours for 50 weeks a year for ten years = 10,000)  of deliberate practice to become an expert in almost anything.

The good news? Emotional Fitness Training’s (EFTI) exercises promote starring in your life, not on the stage or the athletic playing field. Each exercise strengthens your Emotional Intelligence (EI) and that has been proven to be more important than IQ, social class, or wealth in getting to the good life.

More good news:  Good enough gets you there when it comes to everyday life.

And more  good news: Emotional Fitness Training’s (EFTI) Twelve Easy Exercises  turn everyday happenings into exercises that strengthen your EI. To be most helpful each exercise must be practiced with full awareness or with what Ericsson calls deliberate practice.

That is done by meditating before and after the exercise.  Sound too difficult?  Not once you have learned and practiced  EFT’s One Minute Meditation.

A One Minute Meditation designed to give you time to remember what matters

Once you have mastered this, use it to make your practice of EFTI’s exercises deliberate. OMM before  and after the exercise.  The first four steps are a Calming Breath and can be taken to re-establish during an exercise if you become aware your mind is wandering.

And a final bit of good news: Most of you already practice some of the exercises that built emotional intelligence.

FG staying strong

Note: The Mission refers to every person’s responsibility to make their part of the world more peaceful and help bring peace on earth.

EMOTIONAL FITNESS TRAINING tips

Emotional Fitness Training Tip One: Practice the OMM until you can do it comfortably and without having to read the exercise.  That takes as little as five times for some, twenty-five for others.

Emotional Fitness  Training  Tip Two: Review the list of exercises above and add those you do not already practice one by one, until you are doing one or another throughout the day.  This was why each was designed to be practiced in minutes. Even move your body can be practiced as a one minute stretch.

Emotional Fitness Training Tip Three: Be patient but diligent, peace will come.  For more detailed tips about bring peace to you buy my book: Self-soothing to Create Calm in your life. As always my ebooks cost less than a latte or a movie and have more value.

PARENTING TIP

This quick video shows how a teacher taught her children to meditate. It will help you teach your kids. A good time to practice is right after the bed time story. Daniel Goleman’s Breathing Buddies

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful. Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it? Comment and tell me why and how to improve.

Katherine

This post was not inspired by this WordPress Daily Post  Middle Seat – It turns out that your neighbor on the plane/bus/train (or the person sitting at the next table at the coffee shop) is a very, very chatty tourist. Do you try to switch seats, go for a non-committal brief small talk, or make this person your new best friend?

However, remembering what matters, I would practice kindness and listen for a while, and then as nicely as possible I would eventually, say “I need to nap” and put on my eye shades and nap out.  An alternative might be “I need to finish this book as I have to write a review to get into the mail tomorrow.”

OTHER LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

 

 

Suviving When Taking a Chance Traumatizes 3 Tips

Common refrain: “Take a Chance.”  Reality check chance’s definition:  what happens  not by design, often by accident and often bad. What to do? Accept.

How to deal with chance gone wrong

My favorite explainer of how we become who we are, Harvard researcher Jerome Kagan,  lists chance as one of the major things shaping us as we walk through life. Flies in face of the happiness gurus, but works for me.

Radical acceptance is the brain child of Marsha Linehan. The EFTI’s poster coach above details the steps needed to practice her concept.  Go to her link for more.

Emotional Fitness Training Tips

Emotional Fitness Training Tip One: Know the difference between everyday hurts and life blows what the experts call trauma. 

As noted above sometimes  a Life Blow hits  so hard, you can only stand where you are and hope you can keep breathing.

Emotional Fitness Training Tip Two: Be aware of the live blows that do not immediately bring you to a stand still. Many only stop you for an hour, or even a day or two, but in time they wear you down and you cannot do what you need to do. This Trauma Measuring Thermometer may help. 

How to deal with chance gone wrong

Emotional Fitness Training Tip Three: Strengthen all your Emotional Fitness Training Skills. Every one of our exercises raises your EQ also known as EI and that stands for Emotional Intelligence. EI is the proven way to find the good life.  Go here for some easy exercises to improve your EI .

Two eBooks will be particularly helpful in strengthening you to withstand trauma. Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises and Self-soothing To Create Calm in Your Life.  As always my ebooks cost less than a latte or a movie and have more value.

PARENTING TIP

When a young child is hurting, start your comforting with “Bad things happen.” When the child is calming say, “Bad things end.” When the child is ready to go on, say, “You have gathered your strength and  going on.”

As always, help by teaching both rating and self-soothing skills.

Also teach to recognise and seek the helpers when trouble brews. As Fred Rogers noted; “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”

James Garbarino is one of my gurus. I was lucky to have him train my staff and I while managing mental health crisis teams serving children and families before, during and after 911.

I assigned these three  of his books to my students at Columbia University’s School of Social Work.

Any one of them will help your child. And here is a quick video by my favorite parenting guru Jean Tracy videos.

Finally, seek professional help for you and all your family with any traumatizing event.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it?  Comment and tell me why and how to improve.

Katherine

This post was inspired by this WordPress Daily – Take a Chance on Me What’s the biggest chance you ever took? Did it work out? Do tell!

My mother made me a risk taker by constantly saying “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Thank you Mom and most of the chances have turned out okay. Riding a few difficult horses led to some bad falls, I’ve had my heart-broken a few times, and then there was being in the Bronx during 9/11. Lucky me, I was able to keep crawling ahead. If I review my life it rate mostly at a seven.

OTHER LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

How To Know When To Ask For Help -3 Tips

Struggling? Don’t know what to do or how to do it? Feeling out of control? You need  help, but first a laugh.

Asking for help joke

An old one, but worth thinking about.

Too many people think it is a sign of weakness to ask for help. It isn’t. In fact most often it is the smart think to do. The very rich know that, although they do not think of paying people to do stuff for you as asking for help.

Emotional Fitness tip one: Ask for all the help you can get that you can afford to pay for. That gives you time to do more of what you love to do.

Emotional Fitness tip two:  Ask for help when your own efforts do not succeed after trying. I go by a three strike, three outs formula and sometimes also wait nine innings before giving up. Nine innings are too long,  but at least three tries is wise.

Emotional Fitness tip three: Think about asking for help if others suggest it is needed. There is a Yiddish proverb that relates to this.“If one person calls you an ass pay no mind, but if  two people call you an ass buy a saddle. “

PARENTING TIP

Teach your children to ask for help by practicing the above tips. Also ask for their help as often as you can. A toddler can help you put away toys, a three-year old can help you clear the table, older kids can do more.

Reward helpful behavior, but not excessively. “Thank you for helping” is sufficient for the small ones. Teens might do better being paid to relieve you of some jobs, but only if doing other chores well and as part of the family.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it?  Comment and tell me why and how to improve.

Katherine

This post was inspired by this WordPress Daily Prompt;  No, Thank You – If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?

Later: I have found when I ask for help, particularly, men and boys, their most usual response is “Later.” Some times “Later” never comes.

OTHER LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO