Tag Archives: emotional health

How To Settle For Good Enough – Five Tips

Today’s WordPress Challenge was to write for ten minutes and then stop and publish. You could edit, but  I have chosen not to edit. Why? Read on.

3 =2 =7 Dunce

That’s me, I cannot do math. But this post is about  disgryphia, a writting disoprder I also have. And how I still managed to publish two in print books and 20 ebooks. Dysgraphia taught my a number of things.  Those things? Living with imperfection is one.  When you can’t do something the way you want, you either keep trying or stop.  Many with learning disabilities and dysgprahia to one of two thinggs:

  1. Descide what they want to do cannot by done perfection and so stop. Ofen decdiding they are stupid.
  2. keep trying and failing and feeling bad.
  3. Keep trying and have a bit of success, but still feel stupid.

I fall into the third category.  I kept trying. There are lessons in why I kept trying.

One: was I had other talentes.  I loved reading and did not have dsylexia.  In the long run if you want to writed being a good reader helps. I also am very bright. Not bragging and I didn’t think so until well into my 50’s but I do think better than the average bear.

Two: My father loved wrting - he was a news reproter and published his own small weekly newspaper.  Parents model what matters.

Eary arly on I wanted to be an newspaper reporter. It was important to my dad and thereor important to me. And very soon I started loving to write also.

Three; IHad teacers who honored my strengths.  They saw  that I was bright inspite of my defiecientces.  They encouraged my brain more than perfection. Ture, my poor spelling lead to slightly lower grades, but my strengths carried me on.

Four: Along wtih caring teachers, I gree wup with lots less pressoure about school an d higher education than the kids to day. I loved learning and still do. Not that school was all fun.  I failed lots  – I also have dyscalculai and cannot do may/  I  basically passed my math courses on the kindness of teachers wjp would give me the lowest possible passing grade, but pass me.   I would not make it trhough todya’s testing.

Fvie:  Word processing came along and that mean I could corredt enough errors to get published. what I wronte that I had enough success to keep trying.

Six: Then I became a foster parent and in time my husband and I  cared for over 300 kids, 4 to 6 at a time,  all needing a home for a hort period of time.  Some a few days, others everal months.

Our kids were mostly teens and all in trouble with the law. Caring for so many troubled teens  became asomething unique to write about and eventually sell. My book Wehen Good Kids Do Bad Things  writing almost 40 years agot things is now available as an ebook and that has lead to getting other books published.

Seven:  I learned when good enough was good enough, perfection was  not needed.

EightLO leaned to live with failure, somthing kids donn’t get practice doing today.

Nine: Out of those lessons I developed my Emotional Fitness Programs and because life made me practece what I preach, I learned to focus on what matters, soothe myself when things got bad, live in the good as much as I possible.

Good life lessons that I am still trying to pass on.

Ten I learend when trying wa s not enough and that I could not do all I hoped or wanted to do. .


Tip one:  Perfection is rarely needed.  Even nerosurgerons only need to be neer perfect and I guess accountants would not keep their jobs if they could not do math. But do take the time to think about what needs to be near perfect, what is good enough, what should be done no matter how badly, and what can be left undone.

Tip two:Do as much of what you love as often as you can whether it breings success or just fthe joy of doing.

Tip three: Develop manners and a good work ethic. Most of us will not be stars and many of us will have to work at jobs we do not like inorder to pay the rest. Life. Manners and a good work ethic are job finders and keepers.

Tip four: Have a mission that matters and learn to set SMART goals and I have writtne a book about that.  SMART goals help you know when to stop. 

Tip five: Practice kindness and be grateful for all you have. 


Not mentioned inthe things I learned was that two things are needed to be a success in addition to some talent and hard work.  Those two things: luck and resources.

I had the luck to have a good brain, some talents and some of the essential resources.  The most essential resources are people who care and who have faith in you as you are.  My parents gave me that support; my teachers and eventually my editors gave me the dind of support needed to become a moderately successful writher.

I have not had the financial resources needed to hire help that would make my blog and ebook writing more successful.  Which is why it matters athat I love sharing knowledge and writing my blog.

There is a form of luck we ofther overlook.  My paretns also taught me that what really matters is whether you are kind and working to make the world better. You do have to have your personal phsycialc surviala needs to have the time and energy to practice kindness.  But the world is full of people who are barely surving, living in war zones and still manage daily acts o f kindness.  The more we have the more we are  obligated to help those who have less. when we have the emotinal strength or physical strength to help others we are among the luckiest.

If you like this post share it with another.  That is practicing deliberate kindness which is another easy Emotional Fitness Exercise and the sublect of today’s Free Poster Coach.

As always, thank you for your support.




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Practice Deliberate Kindness ass an Emotional Fitness Exercise.

All EFTI Poster Coaches are offered as free digitial downloads at the EFTI Store.


This post was prompted by this Word Press DAILY PROMPT: Ready, Set, Done – Our weekly free-write is back: take ten minutes — no pauses! — to write about anything, unfiltered and unedited. You can then publish the post as-is, or edit a bit first — your call.

You have read the results.

 Image by blue pencililu.com 

How and When to Lie – Five Tips

Honesty is both the bedrock and the lava of all relationships. Honesty either burns you or keeps your relationship rock solid.  You need to know when to lie.

I lied so get over it.

Emotional Fitness Thoughts

Leadership gurus starting with  parents, teachers, preachers, bosses, coaches, and ending with politicians caught up in the happiness craze believe when the truth might hurt, lies are better. Not my idea of how to build trust and lay the foundation for a good relationship.

My father was born to praise.  His Golden Rule: “If you can’t say anything nice, shut your mouth.”  Not as great as you think.  Why?

I never was sure where I stood.  I knew in my heart, I was not always praiseworthy.   Confession: one of the reasons I fell for the man I married and stayed married to as he tells it like it is.  No doubt at all where you stand.

And, of course, there are times I would like him to shut his mouth.  But, I rely on the fact that he says what he means and means what he says and that is a better foundation than not knowing what someone who has your heart in their possession  really thinks.

Reality check: Honesty is not always the best policy and lies come in many sizes and shapes. Some lies promote caring relationships; others destroy the most caring relationship.

“Be kind lies” are those  little white lies that skirt the truth but make someone feel better without doing harm.

Lies of omission can be good or bad.  Good when the information will do no good; bad when the attempt is to deceive.

“Selling something” lies can be either good or bad. Helping sell someone on their worth is good. Hiding or lying or distorting benefits or dangers to sell a product is bad.

Then there are “necessary lies” that  keep people safe. Your child is kidnapped. Your are arranging to deliver the ransom with the kidnapper; you tell him the police are not involved when one is sitting next to you. Another necessary lie: your country is at war, you withhold information necessary to safe guard troops.

Good lies do no harm, bad lies harm. That is simplistic, but  remains the core of knowing when and how to lie.


Here are five  tips to help you be an effective liar.

Tip one: Tell as few lies as possible. As the bedrock of long term relationships, honesty matters.

Tip two: Be aware of when you are lying and why.

Tip three: If you are lying to cover up some wrong you did, stop misbehaving.  Confessing might be helpful, might not. If you confess make that matter by apologizing correctly.  Here is reminder of how to apologize properly.

How to apology

Tip four: Learn the art of saying what you mean, meaning what you say, but not saying it mean. How? Keep your tone of voice gentle, your face loving, your words, and end with a possitive.

Tip five: When you find another has lied to you, practice forgiveness, but trust less, at least for a while.

When I was a foster parent, I extended trust and believed what I was told until a had proof a child was lying. Then I would pick when to believe that child.  I made it a point to not believe one who had lied to me when I knew s/he was telling the truth. Enraging, but a lift of my eyebrows and a quiet reminder of the lie drove an important life lesson home.


The tips seem easy, but the fact is lying can become an easy out and a bad habit.  The “Be Kind” Lies can get you into lying more and more often.  What to do? You need not take truth serum, but you can stop the “Be Kind” lies first.

The harder ones to stop are those covering wrong doing for you need to stop doing wrong. Not always easy and if you find yourself continuing to having to lie about wrong doing, get some help.

FUEL MY HOPES:  Be kind to  me,  share, rate, like, or comment and get kindness badges for you, and  others.  Kindness is an Emotional Fitness Exercise.  Click here for all 12 Daily Emotional Fitness Training Exercises.

IMAGE BYPhotobucket.com



Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspirational quotes or exercises. Go there and subscribe to be notified of new additions.


Word Press’s Post of the Day:  Truth Serum:  You’ve come into possession of one vial of truth serum. Who would you give it to (with the person’s consent, of course) — and what questions would you ask?

My answer: Probably the President and the question would what lies have you been telling us and why?


How To Tell Fact From Fiction – Five Tips

Thinking about personal ideas of “what is” versus reality  improves self-awareness, a key #emotionalintelligence skill that  grows as you grow.

Life's hard, grow up

Growing up means seeing what is, not what we hope is. Many of us fail to make that leap.

Emotional Fitness thoughts

Once survival is assured, most human behavior gets driven by  the quest for pleasure. We follow our heart and its desires.   What does that mean in terms of our thinking?

The pleasures found in  certainty and control often distort our ability to code reality accurately.  Every human being wants  a predictable world that allows individual control. The more control, the more peace of mind, the more pleasure.

However, the real world is not predictable. Some people win the lottery, others die suddenly in accidents;  disease ravages, lightning strikes, and people betray. Moreover, as much as we like to think our prayers or thoughts or actions control such things, we control little.  We don’t direct lightning strikes.  We can do everything right in a relationship and be betrayed.  Disease comes unbidden. We all age and die.

These are brute facts and cause mega doses of uncertainty and pain.  The creative source that made our world wisely introduces us slowly to the uncertainties and hardships of life.  Why?

Life is a marathon, a long trip down roads of pleasure and pain.  We need to develop lots of  emotional strength before we can bear seeing what is instead of what we hope is. .

Our brains develop slowly in the ability  to see reality. Children eagerly believe in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Ghost and Goblins. Then  about the age of seven or eight, their brains change; they better code reality and some wonder why adults lied to them.

Another big shift awaits some, but not all.  That shift expands  thinking based on  personal experience and what is in the world around you. How?

By allowing you to come back to the magic of childhood, but in a different way. The child who believes in fairies, ghosts, or goblins thinks these are real.

One such child, told his parents “A little man lives in the traffic lights and turns them on and off.”

Once the child gives up magical thinking, he or she gets stuck in thinking only about what is. Such a child cannot think about what might me.  The child who moves to next big brain shift knows such things are not real, but also that some could be.   The  world of the invisible or mysterious or seemingly impossible becomes possible. Why many teens become fascinated with the occult. This final stage is called abstract thought.

If you are a parent, when your loving pre-teen suddenly turns against you, particularly when in public or their friends are around, abstract thought plays a part. How?  You are now being compared against imaginary parents that are perfect. In time, hopefully, the child will realize no parents are perfect and theirs were probably good enough or better.

Back to tips for coding reality.

EMOTIonal Fitness Tips

Tip one: If it is too good to be true, it isn’t.

Tip two: If it feels good, it might not be.

Tip three:  If it is a sound bite, it is selling you a bill of goods. Always follow the money and see who is trying to sell you what.

Tip four:  You can never know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Tip five:  The more views of something, the more truth might emerge. As one pundit said, “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer” meaning know them better.  The more you read of opposing views about your beliefs, the more you might get a glimpse of the truth.


When it comes to acting on beliefs, two things matter. Those things? Safety and kindness.

With all the talk of believing  the best in others and yourself, bullying gets ignored.  So always stay safe, which is why I think the best things school could to to fight bullying is to hire Peace DoJos as physical education and health teachers and why I am for reasonable gun carry laws.

Harness safety with kindness; brain with  heart, and intuition with thought; that is the path to properly coding what is.

Finally, the kinder you are the more you learn about another and yourself. Never think you know all about another person, for you do not even know all about yourself.

Thank you for all you do. Please share this if you found it helpful. You will be practicing kindness for you, me, and  hopefully some others.




Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspirational quotes or exercises. Go there and subscribe to be notified of new additions.


Word Press’s Post of the Day: The Great Divide When reading for fun, do you usually choose fiction or non-fiction? Do you have an idea why you prefer one over the other?

As noted above I think all we read is fiction at one level or another. I do read what I call get away novels most mysteries, but I also like to read historical novels that bring me to another world and add to my understanding of all worlds.

 Image found on rabbipaul.blogspot.com

How to know who to trust

How do you size someone up when first meeting them?  Do you let your instincts guide you? Listen to your heart? Create labels in your mind? Shame on you.



Today’s Word Press Prompt posed this:  Litmus, Litmus on the Wall –  If you had to come up with one question, the answer to which would determine whether or not you could be friends with a person you’ve just met, what would it be? What would the right answer be?

My answer? Thank you but no thank you.  You are indulging in the twisted thinking known as  generalization when you decide who you will like and not like on the basis of one question.

Yes, I suppose you could get very creative and come up with a clever question. Unless that question  is, “Want to spend some time together to  get to know each other?” your heart or intuition is guiding you. Not as helpful as you like to believe.

All other questions will be just the answer to one question.  I don’t want to judged on such feeble information; I suspect you do not wish that either.

My mother often said she would not have married my father, if he hadn’t been tall.  Sad for she would have missed out on life with a wonderful man who adored her.

A Tip: Take time to know someone before deciding if they are friend or foe.  Unless of course they are holding a gun and pointing it at you. Even then your instinct


Sound bytes seem to be ruling thought. Not useful.  For some things there are neither quick or easy answers.  The media loves sound bytes and so does our brain. Makes decision making easier, but not smarter when it comes to many things.  For the really imporant stuff, like the people you let into your heart or trying to bring peace on earth going slower works best.

Thank you for all you do. Please share this if you found it helpful. You will be practicing kindness for you, me, and  hopefully some others.




Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspirational quotes or exercises similar to  today’s Poster Coach. All digital downloads are feel, although an occasional tip would keep us going. We don’t have not for profit status but we are not making money.  Today’s sample  offers quotes about flattery which is used by many to get a quick by-pass to your heart.

Many guotes about flattery.