Tag Archives: emotional health

THREE TIPS TO DEFEAT PERFECTIONISM THAT HAS BECOME OCD – A SNEAKY HYPNOTIST POST

Can you settle for good enough? If not you may be ruled by perfectionism which can take over your life in many sneaky ways. OCD is one.

OCD checklist

Tip one:  Know when perfectionism has taken over.  Use the checklist above to see if you are struggling with a brain that focuses too strongly on getting things perfect.

Tip two:  Do not let stigma keep your from getting professional help. Part of trying to be perfect means not thinking you need help, particularly professional help. Not helpful.

Tip three: If you seek professional help, make sure you seek competent help. Not so easy.  For OCD you want someone who uses a cognitive behavior approach. You also want someone who is comfortable with medication and either can prescribe or is affiliated with someone who can.

When dealing with any therapist, look for someone who has a feedback mechanism in place. The best feedback at the moment comes for the International Center for Clinical Excellence.  Not many therapists use this group, however.  Another way to measure progress is to develop a SMART Goal for what you want from therapy and see if the therapist will use that as a feedback mechanism.

PARENTING TIPs

Parenting tip one: As there seems to be a strong genetic basis for perfectionism including OCD, if you are a perfectionist, your child might easily struggle with OCD.  At the same time, most children show some of the above signs.  The trick is always to decide how much perfectionism’s rules.

Parenting tip two  With a teen have him or her complete the above check list.  Also think of using the check list at a family meeting and then discussion how the media seeks perfectionism.

Parenting tip three:  Visit this  Parents Are People Blog Post for more tips.

IMPROVE YOUR CRITICAL THINKING

 LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above,  I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.

Member’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.

Katherine

 

HOW TO LET GO OF PERFECTIONISM – A SNEAKY HYPNOTIST POST

I seek imperfection, for there lies the possibility of  learning, growing, becoming enlightened. Seeking perfection holds me back? How about you?IMPERFECTION QUOTES As with all things, there is good in seeking perfection and bad.  The good? Motivating. The bad? Impossible. More bad? Leads to judging people with a biased heart. More bad?  Can keep people from moving ahead; the checking symptom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder the best example.

Any one who reads my posts knows I have struggled all  my life with a learning disability called Dysgraphia.  Most simply this is a problem with spelling, punctuation, and grammar.  I know how to spell “the” or “not” and any number of longer words.  But when I write “the” can become het, hte, or eth, and “”not can become now, own, ton. Moreover, spell check might catch the misspelling of “the” but not “not.” How did I ever find the gall to think I would become a published author?

Actually,  my learning disability played a big part in my success.  How? One way was by blinding me to perfect writing.  Because my writing was erratic in terms of spelling or grammar, I didn’t stumble and fuss when reading other people’s errors.  I looked for meaning, not perfection.  I read for ideas and became a strong critical thinker.

But that would have not made me a writer without parents who supported “Trying” as a virtue and  “failures” as lessons;  teachers who honored my thoughts more than my spelling errors or  my misplaced commas;  and editors who did not give up on me when I finally put together a book ideas that caught their fancy.

I also was blessed in another way by my learning disability.  The shame that sometimes attached to the disability hardened me to its immobilizing efforts. Shame always wants you to sink into the ground and vanish. I spent many hours alone in front of the black board trying to write a spelling list correctly and failed over and over again.  Filled a perfection seeking teacher with despair, but toughened me in lots of ways.

I had another blessing  in that I was not dyslexic, and learned to read early on and became hypnotized by the adventures that I found in reading.  I still read two or three books a week for the sheer pleasure of escaping from the real world.

Finally, two other things turned me into a published author. First, being a therapist who then leapt into the trenches of life.  How?  By coming not just a foster parent, but probably one of the few foster parents in the world who ended up caring for hundreds of other people’s children.

We cared  mainly for teenagers in trouble with the  law and only as while they were waiting for the court to decide their fates. Some stayed for a few days, most for about six weeks and some for many months.  When leaving us, many of our kids returned to their parent’s care, some went to other foster homes, some to group homes and a few to juvenile lock ups.

Then there was the technology revolution which brought word processing into my life along with spell check and reduced the horror facing editors and others reading what I wrote. Reduced but did not erase. However, I would not be an author without word processing.

Tips for defeating perfectionism. 

Tip one:  As always reality must be part of your thinking.  The purpose of shame – which is the emotional response to feeling imperfect is to keep us from doing the unforgivable – killing, torturing, raping, and oppressing others.  If you are doing any of those things, you need shame to make you stop; you might need therapy, or others to lock you up.  All other shames must be labeled Silly Shame.

Tip two: What you hide speaks often of how shame rules.   Shame as a powerful emotion tells us to sink out of sight when we have done wrong.  Not good when we have done no evil; not good if we are hiding the evil we do.

Tip three: Bringing shame out into the open is often the best step to defeating the power of  Silly Shame. Ashamed of speaking up in meetings or when in a group. Acting as if you are the best public orator in the world might work. Think if each time you act as a dress rehearsal until you no longer need to act.

Tip four: Talking about shame weakens it. That is why some 12 Step programs help, and why confession of sins eases both the shame and the inclination to  behavior badly.

Tip five:Whether you or another are the victim of  shame practice the five in one rule. Five affirmations or compliments for one nasty negative.

Tip six: When you cannot keep from acting on an evil inclination, you must get help from professionals.  Maybe the inclination is not evil, but defined as such by your parents, teachers, or preachers.  then guilt and shame are the problem, not the deed. Only a competent professional can help you sort that out and only if you are honest.

Parenting tips

Parenting tip one.   Children come to shame naturally; remember that and do not buy into the idea that it is only created by parents.

Parenting tip two: Be careful when criticizing  a child. Think and say trying, good enough, learning.

Parenting tip three:  Offset the pain of shame by taking the time to teach your child  to stand up to silly shame.  That starts with labeling a child’s shame as silly or a signal to behavior better.

IMPROVE YOUR CRITICAL THINKING

 LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above,  I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.

Member’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.

Katherine

TIP FOR THINKING ABOUT WHAT MATTERS – SNEAKY HYPNOTISM POST

#emotionalintelligence #parentingtips #fitness

Having purpose and a sense of mission keeps you on track and less vulnerable to the ploys and strategies of the not so good Sneaky Hypnotists

IMPROVE YOUR THINKING SKILLS

Applying this WordPress daily prompt to today’s post   Fireside Chat: What person whom you don’t know very well in real life — it could be a blogger whose writing you enjoy, a friend you just recently made, etc. — would you like to have over for a long chat in which they tell you their life story?

See my answer at the bottom of this post.

Parenting tip

Parenting is hard work and the rewards not really available during the day to day struggles unless you make a major effort to enjoy the good times. The bad times  all too easily hypnotize you into being burdened instead of fulfilled. Seeing a happy future for you and your child is a useful tool.

As thinking about the future is a trance state, this is a good reminder that trances and Sneaky Hypnotism is neither good or bad, but a tool to be used for either.

A tool for getting through the hard times: use his hypnotizing slogan, “Now is not forever.”

Also make a conscious effort to hold onto  memories of the good times.  I survived a”cranky don’t sleep child” by watching him when he finally fell asleep. Doing so built up loving  memories.

For more about meaning making and to refine your own mission think about reading my eBook Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals. It costs less than a latte.

You can download any of my books  to your computer with Amazon’s Kindle Application .  It is free and lets you read on your computer, smartphone, or tablet.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult, relationships painful, dreams lost. Staying strong and practicing the Daily Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises keeps me better able to practice deliberate kindness.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a live coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

MY ANSWER TO THE FIRE SIDE CHAT PROMPT

So many, so I refuse to single our one. Who wouldn’t like to chat with Abe Lincoln, Samuel Clemons, Martin Luther King, Jr,  Hillel, Jesus, Maimonides, Gandi, Thick Nah Hanh,  So I feel blessed that I can read their words and be with them in thought if not by the fireplace I do not have.

AN EXAMPLE OF SNEAKY HYPNOTISM IN AN AD

This ad drives me crazy. It represents one of the most prevalent uses of Sneaky Hypnotism on the media.

Experts need to create doubt about your ability to get by without their help.  Otherwise no one would seek their services.  Can you see how this one uses Sneaky Hypnotism to do that?

Here’s my take.  Using a  child asking super smart questions creates doubt in the father about his smarts. Will do the same in a viewer. Then, of course, the ad is designed to create worry about the future, specifically a family’s financial security. The very use of the word Expert is hypnotizing. Finally, the motto “Own your tomorrow” points you to the future, which can and often does pull a person into a mild trance state..

Tip one:   Be aware.  That is what Emotional Fitness  Training’s Sneaky Hypnotist’s Posts are all about. That is also why I have made this month Sneaky Hypnotism Month.

Tip two: Learn all you can about hypnotism.  Knowledge is power.

Tip two: Find an ethical hypnotist that can teach you self-hypnotism. One of the suggestions you can give yourself is to never go into a trance at someone else’s suggestion.

Tip Three: Watch the ads, as I do, for Sneaky Hypnotist tricks. Doing so improves your thinking skills and awareness if who or what thoughts are trying to control you mindlessly.

PARENTING TIPs

Parenting tip one: Children are smart, but often seem smarter than they really are.  Understanding how a child thinks at different ages and stages remains a major parenting task. This is particularly true when it helping a child code reality – which strengthens him or her against Sneaky Hypnotists. Here is a quick summary about how children think as they grow.

  1. Infants do not think, they take in information.  
  2. From ages 2 to 7, children think, but magical Fairy Tale Thinking.  At these ages, a child believes toys are real, thoughts are real, the people on movie or tv screens are real, dreams are real. We encourage  such thinking when we promote Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Tinker Bell, Ghosts and Goblins.  These are already in a mild trance state.  Encourage thinking about reality more than joining in the fantasy.  Easy enough to do by calling play “play,  make believe, “make believe,” and wishes “wishes.”  The child won’t care or know the difference at first, but in time will understand the concept. 
  3. About six or” a bit later: Personal Knowledge Thinking begins. The child stops believing in  fairy tale thinking and starts believing in what the gurus call the concrete. That means what the child has personally experienced, particularly things s/he can touch play the biggest role.  However, what the voices of the grownups in the child’s world teach and preach also plays a part.
  4. From the early teens on: Deep Thinking.  As the teens approach, more and more youth become able to think about personal knowledge and compare it to other people’s knowledge. This is essentially what abstract thinking is about – comparing thoughts with differing thoughts.   Teens, however, tend to lack the kinds of experience that lead to wise behaviors.

Parenting tip two: Praise learning, trying and not general smartness.  Why?  Some kids praised too much for being smart get hypnotized into  thinking they know all they need to know.  Not being sceptical about what you know makes you easier prey.

Parenting tip three: Teach your child to meditate and  as you do embed a suggestion that the child is the one bringing about this type of trance state, not anyone else. 

Parenting tip four: As you child moves toward adolescence, discuss Sneaky Hypnotism.

Parenting tip five: Use the media to get your child to spot Sneaky Hypnotism efforts of the ad people.

IMPROVE YOUR THINKING SKILLS

Apply this WordPress daily prompt – to today’s post. What was the last picture you took? Tell us the story behind it. (No story behind the photo? Make one up, or choose the last picture you took that had one.)

See my answer at the bottom of this post.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult, relationships painful, dreams lost. Staying strong and practicing the Daily Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises keeps me better able to practice deliberate kindness.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach?  Our poster coaches are free. Browse the EFTI Store for one.  Like a live coach, all remind you to practice what matters, some offer inspiration or laughs,  others tips, exercises and tools to improve your emotional intelligence.

To use as a coach, download the poster you pick,  print it up , preferably in color and on card stock, and post where you will see it regularly.  When you see it, take a calming breathe, focus for a few moments on the poster, take another calming breath and then go about your day.

MY ANSWER TO IMPROVE YOUR THINKING SKILLS –  The last picture and this post?  Pictures are part of how we think, how we day-dream, how we get into a trance. Many of the pictures controlling our mind are sent by those selling something.  Good and bad, pictures are a form of Sneaky Hypnotism sending a message that your brain often absorbs without conscious awareness.  Being aware of all the tricks used by Sneaky Hypnotists reduces their power.

Stay strong, it takes work but EFT makes it easier