Tag Archives: Emotional intelligence

UNUSUAL SELF-SOOTHING SKILLS – SESSION THIRTEEN

Meditation and calming self talk work and are commonly suggested. This session looks at  less well-known but equally effective ways to self-sooth.  Here’s the first.

LAUGHing

<a href=”“>Laughing baby video

Did the video make you smile a bit.  It works that way for most. Laughter lifts your spirits whether it is hearing another laugh, just practicing laughter as The Laughing Yoga’s do, or using your own wit as a comedian to make others laugh. The best laughter does not poke needles or knives or axes at other people, make Martian jokes about the foibles of humans.

Warning: When you cannot laugh at what amuses others, you are in some sort of trouble. When deep pain, trauma, or self-hatred visit, laughter flees.  That is when professional help is needed.

WALKING MEDITATIONS

These are a less well-known  form of meditating, but very useful, particularly when anger visits.

101 Walking Meditations

Of course, there are times you cannot walk particularly if you need to stomp and chant. Then, what might help is imaging a walk. That is best done in you brain’s sanctuary.  Here’s how to create such a sanctuary.

To use a sanctuary for visualization, pick something for a screen. Some use a cloud, others an actual t.v. screen they have put in their imaginary sanctuary.

To use a sanctuary for visualization, pick something for a screen. Some use a cloud, others an actual t.v. screen they have put in their imaginary sanctuary.

If you have trouble visualizing, you are far from alone.  You might be among those who have to use words and not pictures to “visualize.” Here’s a tip, even if you visualize with ease, adding the words strengthens that skill.  Some of you have trouble with both seeing pictures or using words, body movements might help you. Again adding words will strengthen all these type of skills.

CREATing Something – Peaceful hands

I founded Emotional Fitness Training, Inc. and as teen found calm in a number of creative skills. Crocheting was an early on  favorite, but you cannot do that in a class room. Taking notes combined with doodling got me through many a lecture.  As I moved to helping others I discovered Mind Mapping.  What’s that?  A advanced form of note taking that forces you to think about what you are mapping, but lets you doodle.  You can learn about mind mapping here.

In time I added origami, particularly making peace cranes for a peace project I started when directing a mental health program for families and children.  That project gave me an excuse to fold cranes at those long and often boring meetings on has to attend at the managerial level of any business and mental health is a business.  I also fold peace cranes at restaurants and leave them as part of the tip.

PARENTING TIP

Finally, I read that Bruce Perry, the psychiatrist who debriefed the children traumatized by cult leader David Koresh, never sat down to talk with a child about something that mattered without having crayons and coloring books and coloring with the child.

That made me bring crayons and adult coloring material to my master level classes and my workshops for the less educated. My only rule, was you had to keep half and ear on what I was saying and put down your crayons if I said to, which I did when I thought a point was important for all to hear.

WHAT’S NEXT

On to the next skill – Thinking about whether to act. Self-soothing is the most popular of my workshops and course, but Thinking About Whether to Act is the most important, so I hope you will keep taking the course.

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

I often use these prompts to spark my posts.  They can also be used to improve your critical thinking is the heart of emotional intelligence.

You can think about them as they are stated or use them to spark other thoughts which is what I usually do. Most can be related to Emotional Fitness. How? Well here is the prompt that connects to this post. I’ll answer it and tell you how I relate it to Emotional Fitness.

Trick or Trick  It’s Halloween, and you just ran out of candy. If the neighborhood kids (or anyone else, really) were to truly scare you, what trick would they have to subject you to?

My answer:  One creepy crawly thing would get me squirming. What’s that, Finding a worm of some sort in my food. Most particularly, the little green worms found in ears of corn and tent caterpillars.    Think I might have eaten one of the green ones as a child, and I know my brothers loved to put ten caterpillars down my back. Yuck.

How this related to the Emotional Fitness Training blog post above? Most fears have a root in early man’s survival needs. Many creepy crawling things are poisonous.  So fears that remain from childhood are very strong and require much self-soothing so they can be thought about carefully.

How this relates to emotional fitness and today’s post. Self-soothing skills keep your from getting so out of breathe you run hither and dither.

MORE FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free  (Handouts are in Black and White while Foster Coaches are in color.)

Some might not be up yet.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If a handout isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises.

Subscribe to be notified of new additions.

LINKS OF INTEREST

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps me ratings. This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful. One star – Reinforced my knowledge. Two Stars – New information. Three stars – New useful information; Four stars- Very good. Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time. I am.

Katherine

SOOTH BY REMEMBERING WHAT MATTERS – 101 SESSION ELEVEN

Think what you buy, how you look, how smart you are, where you live, or the kind of work you do matters? Think again.  The Sages of the Ages know better.

What matters? Kindness to all.

This Poster Coach is available as a free download at the EFTI Store. If this is your first visit to this Free 101 Emotional Fitness Course, go here to catch up.

All the research agrees with these sages. What matters in the long run are caring relationships. Such relationships get created by being kind and generous, forgiving others for their flaws, forgiving yourself for not being perfect, and working together to make the your world and all the world a better place.

Here’s an exercise many find revealing:  Think about being told you have a day to  live. Who will you call? How will you spend your last few hours? What do you hope will be said about you in your obituary or at your funeral?

Find that uncomfortable. Of course. Maybe this will be a bit better.  Think about the date changing to a year from now and asking yourself the same questions.

Still not a happy thought. Understood. So give yourself five more years.  If you are under thirty that might be enough. After all a common motto among the young is “Live fast, die young, and leave a pretty corpse.”

Reality check: The Grime Reaper sets his own schedule and visits when he wants, never when we want. The young die too soon, and the old almost all want a longer life.

How can facing this fact help calm you? By keeping you from  sweating the small stuff and focusing on living the life you have  given with gratitude and kindness; then you can  say when facing death, “I did it my way and the right way.”

THREE STEPS PUT YOU ON THE ROAD TO THE GOOD LIFE

The first? Print up a free copy of the Remember What Matters Poster from the  EFTI store.  Post it where you will see it.  Seeing it will remind you to stay focused on what matters.

The second?  When you see the poster, think  for at least a minute or two about your personal life mission. A mission is not about things you want, it is about the kind of person you want to be.

Steven Covey, author of the best-selling book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People says”  “Writing a personal mission statement connects you to your own unique purpose and the profound satisfaction that comes in fulfilling it.”

In time, I will ask you to write a personal mission statement, but now it is enough to think a bit about what you want your life to stand for.

The third? Learn to set SMART goals. As Mark Twain noted, “I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life.  The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.”

SMART goals help you get serious about what you want. If you cannot take the time to set a SMART goal, it says you are not very serious about what you think you want.

How to set SMART Goals

Remember being asked to write a paragraph or two about the feeling bossing you the most and getting you into trouble?  Now is the time to set a SMART GOAL using what you wrote.

If you are not taking the course seriously, just read on. Any time you want to get serious, you just start the course again from the beginning.  For now, keep reading as the information will help you better move toward any goals that are important to you.

 God gives every bird his worm, but he does not throw it into the nest.

                                                                                                                            Swedish Proverb

SMART Setting

Ninety percent of the goals people set are not met.  Not a high success rate.  The ten percent  that are met are the ones the person finds important enough to take seriously.  Taking them seriously, means writing them down, tracking them, and sometimes, getting help from others.  If you are taking the course to get certification or to teach others, you need to do the above.

WHAT’S NEXT

Session Twelve shows you how to use sloganeering as a tool against negative self-talk.

LINKS OF INTEREST

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

I often use these prompts to spark my posts.  They can also be used to improve your critical thinking is the heart of emotional intelligence.

You can think about them as they are stated or use them to spark other thoughts which is what I usually do. Most can be related to Emotional Fitness. How? Well here is the prompt that connects to this post. I’ll answer it and tell you how I relate it to Emotional Fitness. Here is the challenge that relates to this post.

Custom Zodiac: You’re tasked with creating a brand new astrological sign for the people born around your birthday — based solely on yourself. What would your new sign be, and how would you describe those who share it?

How this relates to emotional fitness and today’s post? If you are emotionally fit, you STAR in your life meaning you Stop, Think, Act Wisely, and Reap rewards.  So that means your are a STAR Reaper.  And of course, I want everyone to be a STAR Reaper.

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free. You will find lots of other  offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. Go there and subscribe to be notified of new additions.

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps me ratings.  This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful. One star – Reinforced my knowledge. Two  Stars –  New  information.   Three stars – New useful information; Four stars- Very good.   Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and stay strong, I have to work at it constantly, but am grateful I have figured out how.

Katherine

SELF-SOOTHING, IMPROVING WHAT WORKS – SESSION TEN

Self-soothing skills remain the most popular part of this course. Testifies to how stressed we are. Most of us have healthy and unhealthy ways we use to find calm.

Health ways to self soothe

Remember if this is your first visit to the course, you can go here to start at the beginning. Not necessary, but advisable to get the most from it.  

Meditating got left off the list. That was not on purpose but gives me a change to highlight its value. Done properly and with practice it works. Think of the Dalai Lama who almost never gets ruffled.

That’s the good news.  The bad news? The Dalai Lama practiced years and years to be a star meditator.  The hyperactive or more impatient among us often find traditional meditations hard to learn. That  describes me. That is also why I developed EFT’s One Minute Meditation or OMM. Here it is:

A one minute meditation

If you have been taking the course, you are already familiar with the first four steps of the OMM. Guessed it was a  Calming Breath? Right.

Some words about all breathing exercises.  We breathe naturally, but there are  revving up ways to breathe and  calming ways to breathe. Both are useful.  Learning to use both wisely improves your self-soothing skills,

 Revving up breaths –  These often happen normally when we experience a negative feeling.  It starts by more or less holding our breath and breathing using our upper body.

Think of the last time something happened that really frightened you. Most likely, you caught and held your breath for a few seconds. When you began to breathe again, you took  quick, short breaths. Called thoracic breathing this does not fully expand the lungs; it decreases the flow of oxygen and so increases tension and revs you up.

Most call do not see why this is useful, but the body uses such breathing  to increase the flow of energizing chemicals and there lies its usefulness.

Calming down breaths –  this is the way babies breathe when sleeping and involves drawing a complete breath from deep in your belly, the way singers do.  Doing so gets more oxygen to your whole body and that is calming.

Not sure you know how to breathe from your belly? Try this:

  1. Stand at ease.
  2. Place both of your hands on your stomach.
  3. Imagine your stomach is a balloon.
  4. Breathe in and imagine you are filling that balloon with air.
  5. Breathe out and imagine the balloon collapsing.

Very hard for some, so here is another way to learn this one.  Do this in bed before falling asleep.

  1. Lie on your back.
  2. Put a book on your abdomen.
  3. Breathe as you normally do.
  4. Watch the book and see if it raises as you breathe in or out.
  5. Experiment with learning to raise the book as you breathe in.

Parenting tip: Instead of a book, use a small stuffed animal to teach a child how to breathe calm. You can start doing so when s/he has conquered language.

Using the above  to self-sooth and stay calm: Becoming  attuned to how you breathe alerts you to the need to switch to from one way  to the other. Mostly you will need to switch from revving up breaths to calming breaths.

Homework: Use bed time to practice learning both ways to breathe and how to switch from one to the other.  Switch several times, then practice the OMM until you fall asleep.

 WHAT’S NEXT

More self-soothing skills with a focus on turning negative self talk into positive slogans that calm and keep you focused on what matters.)

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

I often use these prompts to spark my posts.  They can also be used to improve your critical thinking which is the heart of emotional intelligence.

You can think about them as they are stated or use them to spark other thoughts which is what I usually do. Most can be related to Emotional Fitness. How? Well here is the prompt that connects to this post. I’ll answer it and tell you how I relate it to Emotional Fitness.

Doppelgänger alert: You step into an acquaintance’s house for the first time, and discover that everything — from the furniture, to the books, to the art on the wall — is identical to your home. What happens next?

How this relates to emotional fitness and today’s post.  I laugh gently, which is an emotional fitness exercise, then thank my friend for finding so much of me to like and then admit, I also miss what was special about him that could never be me and suggest the next time  I visit, I hope to see more of him and less of me.

If you think deeply, another emotional fitness exercise, hopefully, you realize the beauty of our world lies in its variety. A world inhabited by copies of you would soon become very boring.

MORE FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free  (Handouts are in Black and White while Foster Coaches are in color.)

Some might not be up yet.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If a handout isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises.

Subscribe to be notified of new additions.

LINKS OF INTERESt

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps me ratings. This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

 

SLOGANEERING – SESSION TWELVE

Sloganeering turns negative self-talk into a self-soothing exercise. Here are some slogans that calm and improve your emotional fitness aka Emotional Intelligence.

SLOGANPOSTER

The above are general posters. Sloganeering works best when you create personal slogans.

How to turn self-talk into useful slogans.

 How to become a sloganeerer

If any of the slogans in the above posters work for you great. Still, for some stronger ones  review your self-talk and turn the loudest  into slogans.  Easy enough to do. Here are a few samples.

  • Turn “I’m a loser” into “Winning my way” or “Winning at what matters.”
  • Instead of  “I can’  go on” think  “Going on” or “Change comes.” or   “Break needed.”
  • Not “Down and out” but “Break time.”

Review your self talk list and see what you come up with.

How to use slogans

When you need to sooth a negative voice,  OMM and as you breathe normally repeat the slogan . Don’t know how to OMM?  Start the course at the beginning or read on.

A one minute meditation

PARENTING TIP

Even before your child starts talking you can start using slogans.  You probably do so already, the trick is to make them short and snappy and to add rhythm.  One parent I know used to sing,  “Pop up, Pop up, Right away Pop up” when her toddler fell but wasn’t obviously badly hurt. In time her toodler would announce small hurts with her own “Pop up, Pop up.”

Besides giving her a stay strong type of slogan,  this was a first step to teaching how to rate things. Probably the next skill you can teach.  When a hurt is big, “Big hurt” while comforting  your child teaches rating. Teaching the ASL signs for big  and small along with the words works best. Don’t know those signs?

  • Big: hands in front of you, palms together then pulled apart from the middle to your sides
  • Small: hands in front of you  palms together then pulled apart only about three inches.

WHAT’S NEXT

More self soothing exercises including Creating Sanctuaries, Walking Meditations and Peaceful Hands.

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

I often use these prompts to spark my posts.  Intended to improve writing they also get you thinking more deeply. Deeper thinking is  critical thinking and the heart of emotional intelligence.

You can think about them as they are stated or use them to spark other thoughts which is what I usually do. Most can be related to Emotional Fitness. How? Well here is the prompt that connects to this post. I’ll answer it and tell you how I relate it to Emotional Fitness.

What inspired today’s post. No. 3 – Today you can write about anything, in whatever genre or form, but your post must mention a dark night, your fridge, and tears (of joy or sadness; your call). Feel free to switch one ingredient if you have to (or revisit one from previous trioprompts).

How this relates to emotional fitness and today’s post. Our negative self-talk strengthens mad, bad, and sad feelings. Shame, fear, anger grow; tears or smiles are evoked. Often such talk visit in a dark night either invading our dreams or keeping us awake with their relentless slaughter of all that is good.

MORE FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free  (Handouts are in Black and White while Poster Coaches are in color.)

Some might not be up yet.  I am a Jill of all in this business, an old one, so some things take longer than others and life might get in the way.  If a handout isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises.

Subscribe to be notified of new additions.

LINKS OF INTEREST

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps me ratings. This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful. One star – Reinforced my knowledge. Two Stars – New information. Three stars – New useful information; Four stars- Very good. Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time. I am.

Katherine