Tag Archives: Emotional intelligence

LAUGH, PLAY, CREATE – DAY EIGHT

Laughing, playing and creating are three ways to get and stay emotional fit.  Eight of Emotional Fitness Trainings 12 Days of Holiday De- stressingFunny emotional fitness test. If you did not find this a bit humorous that is a sign you are far too stressed.  Read on, it might help.

The day is empty that does not find you laughing, playing and  creating.  All three can fit easily into a your daily life and  “Improve the moment.”what Marsha Linehan, renown psychologist, suggests strengthens your ability to handle life’s stress.

Laughter is best when gentle and not pointing mean fingers at others.  However, life blows, unresolved trauma, and  fanaticism rob all of the opportunity to laugh. Have you noticed how many of those engaged in war these days also war on humor.  Some will kill just as easily for a political cartoon as when faced with a life treat.  Goes against all that makes a good life possible and endangers the worlds ability to find peace on earth.

As Mark Twain noted,  “The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.”

Gordon Allport, a renowned philosopher and psychologist noted:  “So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter. I venture to say that no person is in good health unless he can laugh at himself.”

Finally, as Eleanor Roosevelt put it succinctly:  “You don’t grow up until you have your first good laugh at yourself.”

When you can live at peace with the idea that you are human and that means not being perfect you are healthier than many.   A stutterer who has learned to say “Is there an echo around here?” fairs better than the one who speaks less and less for fear of being scorned.

What to do about mean jokes?  Ignore when not in your face. In your face? Practice forbearance and forgiveness, make a face showing your displeasure,  and then change the subject or tell a gentle joke.

Laughter and play should go together. As world-famous athlete Jackie Joyner-Kerse noted “The medals don’t mean anything and the glory doesn’t last. It’s all about your happiness.”  If you aren’t happy when you play, you are not playing.”

Stuart Brown, M.D, an expert on laugher and play,  defines  play as,  “purposeless, fun and pleasurable….a process, not a thing.”

Brown also makes the point that play is voluntary. A good thing to remember. We may love our work, but it is compulsory and that is why we get paid to do it.

Creativity is not always fun at the moment.  Making something is deeply rewarding whether the creation is  poem, a cake, a novel, a sweater, a peace crane, a carving, a clay pot, or a blog.

The first 12 Emotional Fitness Daily Exercises did not make specific note of creating something.  That was assumed to be part of play, however, creativity is not always fun, the end product is the reward and so creativity deserves to be equally partnered with Laugh and Play.

PARENTING TIPS

Play is thought by many researchers to improve intelligence.  Minimally, it helps build the social skills needed to get along with others. Finally, play is also a useful way to move your body, when it involves laugher, you are combining at least two Emotional Fitness Training® Exercises in one.

Parenting tip one about laugher:  Know what is funny at what age and stage: Here is a link to an article that talks about humor in children written by  Jennifer Cunningham, long-time investigator  humor in children.

Here is a useful quote from the article about humor for all to read, “Other types of humor, such as taboo violation (for example, bathroom humor, as when 4-year-olds repeat the words ‘pee-pee’ and ‘poop’ also demonstrate this knowledge that things that are not okay in most situations are somehow safe to say when one is ‘only joking.’ Thus, all the expectations of the “real world” are somehow violated, whether in the unexpected punch line of a joke, or in regards to the consequence of a controversial act (such as violence, or the use of a taboo word).

In the words of humor researcher Thomas Veatch, “Humor is (emotional) pain that does not hurt.”

Does not hurt physically and you are not hurt emotionally because you have a perspective that lets you acknowledge both  humanity’s absurdities and your own flaws.

Parenting tip two about laugher:    Do not punish hurtful joking, if done by a child in your presence. Use it as a teachable moment.  That means  stop it and remind all involved that  such jokes are not kind.  If witnessed in media make the same point, but gently if in a make-believe story; not so gently in a news story.

Parenting tip three about play:  Keep the play in competitive sports.  Do not let efforts to play get wedded to a need to win that is stronger than the desire to have fun.  This is particularly true for adults playing with or coaching children.  A grown-up who has to beat a child is not playing.  Grownups playing with kids should handicap themselves.   Hopping while a child runs, giving a child a good head start are examples of handicapping. Doing so teaches fair play.

When you cannot play with a child for fun, it is usually a sign that you take yourself and life too seriously.  Not healthy.   Part of this exercise seeks to remind you of the need to keep humor in your life and that means developing a healthy ability to laugh at yourself.

Parenting tip four about creativity: the very young child will enjoy things like painting without worrying about good or bad. Praise the pleasure not the outcome.  Be prepared for the thought shifts that might dampen creativity. One child loved drawing until he turned six.  Then he stopped totally. Why? His brain had made a shift and he could see that what is younger self called a dog, did not look much like a dog.  Another such shift occurs when puberty brings with it the realization one’s writing or other creative efforts will not win prizes.

Parenting tip five about laugh, play, and create: A wise person said a child should be encouraged to have three hobbies: one that helps make money; another that keeps you in good physical shape, and a third that lets you create.

Parenting tip six about laugh, play, and create: The family that plays together stays together.  Too many seek divorce which always harms children instead of working harder to keep some fun in a marriage.  Laughing, playing, and creating together will not eliminate the bad, but will definitely increase the good and bring a better balance to troubled relationships.

BE KIND TO ME

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same.

This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars –Not good enough to rate; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free. A poster coach is like a face-to-face coach; all serve as practice reminders, some teach you the exercises needed to stay strong.

To use one, after down loading it from the store, print it up preferably in cardstock and color, then post it where you will see it as you go about your day.

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

DAILY PROMPT   Cause, Meet Effect – You can singlehandedly create a causal relation between two things that are currently unconnected — a word and an emotion, a song and an extreme weather event, wearing a certain color and winning the lottery. What cause would you link to what effect, and why?

How this fits in with today’s EFTI Post:  Obviously, this post wants to link, laughing, playing, and creating to getting and staying emotionally intelligent.

FIVE TIPS TO HONOR ALL YOU DO – DAY SEVEN

World’s Best To Do List: 1. Make to do list; 2. check off first thing on your To Do List. 3. Realize you have already accomplished two things. 4. Reward yourself.

To do list quotes To Do Lists have some merit and not just by  giving you things you can cross off and feel good about.  What goes on there, however, needs doing with care.  Lots of care. Here are some tips.

Tip one: Control what goes on yours. Don’t let other people make additions

Tip two: Make safety a priority. We all put off the mundane things that keep all safe. like safety inspections of your car, bike, skis, or making sure the chimney is not stopped up.

Tip three: Make health a priority.  We also put off routine preventive care and worse taking care of ourselves when sick.  Nor only should we take sick days when sick, but if stress is building we need to use one or two sick days as “recovery from distress” days.

Tip four: Do what you need to do to keep your job unless of course you are Bill Gates or Warren Buffet. It helps to accept that jobs are what you get paid to do and not the way to find the Blue Bird of Happiness. Work is called work for a reason.

Tip Five: Always include fun events. Make dates to play,

Tip five:  Take an entire “Don’t Do” day at least several times a month.   Observing the Shabbat is one of the Ten Commandment and all To Do LIsts need to include break days.

Following these tips is a bit easier when you hone your procrastination skills. This Poster Coach might help:

Procrastinate

pARENTING TIPS

Parenting tip one: Little ones need help organizing, so do teach to do lists.

Parenting tip two: Good enough is good enough.

Parenting tip three: Start early.  Chores can be the first things on a child’s To Do List.  Toddlers can put toys away, take some things to the waste basket, and put their clothes in the dirty laundry basket.  Builds good habits. Kids want to help.

Parenting tip four: Rewards help, after all your pay check is a reward.  Thank you is enough early on, six and seven-year olds like to earn stars, teens want privileges.  Not rewarding is a punishment, and that is a proper way to punish; proper punishments are not abuse, but lessons.

Parenting tip five:  Insist on the things that matter.  Children do what parents insist they do, not always happily, but somethings need doing whether they make you happy or not.

What should be insisted upon: Staying safe and healthy, cleaning up after yourself, and learning to pull your share in doing what needs to be done for the good of all.

BE KIND TO ME

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same.

This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars –Not good enough to rate; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free. A poster coach is like a face-to-face coach; all serve as practice reminders, some teach you the exercises needed to stay strong.

To use one, after down loading it from the store, print it up preferably in cardstock and color, then post it where you will see it as you go about your day.

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

DAILY PROMPT   As this is being scheduled ahead of time, I am not able to tie it into the Daily Prompt. Life goes on.

TIPS FOR ADDING BEAUTY TO YOUR LIFE – DAY SIX

What we see all the time blinds us to much that is good.  This EFT Easy Exercise teaches awareness, particularly of all that is beautiful in our world.

Be with beauty emotionalfitness exercise.

Nothing more to add except “Just Do It.”

PARENTING TIP

Parenting tip one:  You teach this to your children easily by just doing it. so  do it.

Parenting tip two:  Make being with nature part of being with beauty, ask you kids to spot the beautiful.

Parenting tip three: Create beauty spots here and there throughout your home and pause with your child to enjoy.

BE KIND TO ME

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same.

This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars –Not good enough to rate; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free. A poster coach is like a face-to-face coach; all serve as practice reminders, some teach you the exercises needed to stay strong.

To use one, after down loading it from the store, print it up preferably in cardstock and color, then post it where you will see it as you go about your day.

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

DAILY PROMPT   Getting Seasonal – The holiday season: can’t get enough of it, or can’t wait for it all to be over already? Has your attitude toward the end-of-year holidays changed over the years?

How this fits in with today’s EFTI Post: Changed drastically when I converted to Judaism. but as this series of Twelve Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises shows, I try to honor all even the secular part. 

Part of what lead me to renounce Christian religions was the theology of getting to heaven on the basis of belief and not behavior, particularly death-bed conversions that let some behave has bad as they wished and still die thinking heaven was theirs.  I believe that is divisive, limits the Creator’s mercy, and gives far too many the right to spurn, harm or kill others.

Part of my inspiration for developing EFTI was to offer a middle path between ssecularism and beliefs in a higher power.   Doing so has enriched me and I think helped some others.  EFTI will probably be buried with me and I wish I had done better selling it.  A bit more money would have made it a viable business that could live on.

That said I am still trying to find a some legacy keepers or investors who will work to keep it going for at least a few more years.  Interested?

TIPS FOR ADDING TO GOOD MEMORIES – DAY FIVE

Do you hug hurt and enshrine it in your memory book?  Not good.  Emotional Fitness Training Exercise  Number Five suggests a better way.

Asking another to change

Psycho-babblers encourage hugging your hurts closely and indefinitely, particularly those from you childhood .  It started with the Inner Child movement and spread like wild-fire after a prolonged drought.

Why? Mainly, because we all have a hurt inner child.  Some have been battered, bruised, sexually assaulted, starved for love; most have just suffered the slings and arrows of good enough parenting.  Hugging either kind however, keeps you from living the good life.

What to do? Stop hugging the hurt and embrace the good. Those who survived any  holocaust lived better lives when they put the horror behind them. Not easy to do, but vital in order to take charge of your life and stop being victimized by your past.

A word of warning about some therapy particularly ongoing talk therapy. It leads to hugging the hurt and not letting it go.  Many think such work is useful, but the research shows only up to a point.  The most important thing is making sense of why bad things happen and then to move  on by embracing the good.

This exercise asks you to pay special attention to those responsible for all you have or are right now.  Some gave a great deal, others could not.  Each gave according the what they had been given.

If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors.  All of them are alive in this moment.  Each is present in your body.  You are the continuation of each of these people.

 Thick Naht Hanh

How to practice this exercise: The most powerful way to honor past gifts  is to focus on a memory of one person from your past who gave the gift of caring.  You can honor the gift from a different person each time you do the exercise.

You honor past gifts by taking a calming breath, shutting your eyes, and recalling  a time you and the person spent together when you felt cherished, cheered on, or otherwise nurtured. Such times are gifts of caring. When you honor such past gifts, you give yourself the caring all over again.

Your memory book has gifts of caring; otherwise you would not be seeking to improve your ability to care for yourself.  If you have trouble caring for yourself as you should, perhaps like many others those who cared  you were also abused in one way or another.  You can dwell on the hurt or on the good.  Remembering the good you have been given is healthier.

 God gave us memories that we might have roses in December. 

                                                                                                          J.M. Barrie

pARENTING TIPS

Parenting tip one:  Build as many good memories with your child as you can.

Parenting tip two:  Stop trying to make happiness a goal.  Better to teach acceptance of life as being full of good times and bad times.

Parenting tip three: Help your child exploit strengths and live with weaknesses.  Every human has both.  Studies show that more than love, children want praise for what they do well and they want to do well in the things that matter in their world.  The praise must be realistic and feel right to the child.

Parenting tip four:  Teach manners and practicing kindness.  Both will get your child further in life than academic or atheletic skills.

Parenting tip five: Promote the idea that no one controls all that happens.  There are blessings, miracles, good luck and bad luck. Our job as humans is to do the best with we can and accept what we cannot control with as much grace as possible.

BE KIND TO ME

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same.

This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars –Not good enough to rate; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free. A poster coach is like a face-to-face coach; all serve as practice reminders, some teach you the exercises needed to stay strong.

To use one, after down loading it from the store, print it up preferably in cardstock and color, then post it where you will see it as you go about your day.

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

DAILY PROMPT  In Due Time: What’s your next, most pressing deadline? Are you excited, stressed, or ambivalent about it? What’s the first thing you’d like to do once you’re done with it?

Having be able to retire from a paid job, my deadlines are of my own. Most related to efforts to promote EFTI. Doing this free  101 course gives me a daily deadline, and what will I feel when it is over?  Relief, but a bit of pride.

Two other deadlines loom.  One is beyond my control – my end.  The end of EFTI is also beyond my control for it will happen due to cognitive decline.

My regrets?  I have few for my life as a whole.  I have been blessed or lucky which ever best explains to you the course of your life.

More regrets  for the end of EFTI. Mainly that I have not found a legacy keeper for EFTI and that I was not able to turn it into a profitable  business.  I did the best I could given who I am and what I have had to work with and EFT has enlightened some and definitely let me live the good life.

That said I am still trying to find some legacy keepers or investors to make it profitable.  It does take some money to make money.  Interested? Let me know.