Tag Archives: Emotional intelligence

CRY WHEN YOU MUST, THEN GO ON

This Poster Coach says it all.

How to survive trauma

All is change and feelings come and go often faster than NASCAR racers.  However, some bad  times will bring you to your knees or knock you  out. I call those times “Life blows,” the experts call them traumas.

Now is one of the three worse times of my life. Why? Not for sharing. However, the poster coach above tells how I survived the other two times and how I will continue surviving

When a life blow strikes you down, going on will be a struggle, but if you look back over your life, as I am doing, you will see you have survived the worse of times.  Honoring surviving past life blows strengthens your ability to go on.

Emotional training tip one: As you start to recover do what you can as you can. Hoever, be patient; time does not heal all wounds but ususally we mend enough in the broken places to go on.

Emotional training tip two:  As always take  good care of your body, Life blows weaken our physical beings making it essential to do all the things your mother and doctor say keep you healthy.

Emotional training tip three: Remember what matters. Life blows challenge our deepest beliefs.  Explains why there are no atheists in fox holes.

AND, if you ask agnostics and atheists why they turned  from religion; 99% will say because religion failed to explain bad things that happen. Some of the religious will become more devout.

My parents were more agnostic than not. I became a Christian as a teen, a non-Christian as a college student, and a Jew a year after I married.

One of the attractions of Judiasm was its lack of need to seek converts. I had turned away from Christianity because the emphasis on conversion did not match my idea of a loving God turning away from those who had found a different path to a being a good person defied my logical brain. I am grateful, Christians have given up killing in Jesus’ name and hope the fanatical Islamists do the same before they destroy the world.

Retirement has allowed me to study Torah more carefully.  It is studying philosophy as much as how to be an observant Jew.  I was a philosophy major in college and so love studying Torah and Judaism as a philosophy.  As I have often noted all philosophies, religions, and secular sages agree that what matters most is kindness to all.

Those who practice kindness to some are the current obstacles to peace on earth. Some are religious, many just power hungry, money hoarders, or  self-involved.  We all have power, money and selfish needs. Counter them by practicing deliberate kindness.

PARENTING TIP

Build good memories of the past for and with your child.  How? Laugh, play, and create together. Make one of your joint  creations a memory book. Include a few bad memories to accentuate the reality that life is not all good times. Those pages will also honor surviving.

CRITICAL THINKING DAILY PROMPT

This post was inspired by: But No CigarTell us about a time things came this close to working out… but didn’t. What happened next? Would you like the chance to try again, or are you happy with how things eventually worked out?

With each life blow, I kept trying. Never easy, but nothing else to do except die and I was not and am not ready for that. Mostly, I found lessons, and that was the good in each life blow.  I deepened my thinking about me, others, life, why pain, why evil, God.

Two tips for those whose life is one of constant physical or emotional pain.

Tip one: Make sure you are getting the best care possible. Emotional Fitness Tips augment, but do not replace competent professional help.

Tip two: One of the best sources of pratical help for both acute and chronic suffering is Marsha Linehan’s work, particularly her thoughts on Radical Acceptance. 

I was once accused of stealing her ideas, but that was before I had even heard of her.  The criticism pushed me to learn about her and to attend a training lead by her. I saw why I was thought to be plagerizing her and felt honored by the comparison.

STAY STRONG

The fact is when we suffer,  we are the ones who need to deal with it alone or with help from those who care and in some situations professionals.   Training seeks to help you stay strong.

Watch for my newest venture. Publishing short eBooks as PDF documents at my store. My other books will continue to be sold on my Amazon.com Author’s page.

This new venture is related to feeling the pressure of age and the on-going wish to share the  knowledge I and others have found useful.  Money makes self-publishing in a PDF format the only way I can  do that.

The books will not be perfect, dygraphia will interfere,  but each will be good as I can so without spending money.

As usual thank you for supporting me. I am so lucky so many of you are there for me.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

STOP CHASING HAPPINESS, CONTENTMENT COMES EASIER

The pursuit of happiness is a selling device.  Buy into it and waste time, money, and effort. Pursue contentment instead; try these ten tips.

Tips for finding contentment

EMOTIONAL FITNESS TIPs

Most of today’s tips are in the poster. However here is an extra one. Learn the art of rating things.  Here is a Feeling Thermometer Poster rating Happiness.

Measuring happiness on a feeling thermometer

Four to six are realistic feel good measurements. These are when you can work on being happy or at least content. Seven to nine ratings are to be enjoyed.   Reserve ten ratings for  moments of complete happiness. You’ve won the lottery, found true love, know the joy of becoming a parent to a very wanted child.

Always keep in mind that “Now is not forever”  All is change and feelings come and sometimes faster than race cars at any  Speedway. This helps you stay strong when bad times come, and remind you to cherish all the good that life gives you.

PARENTING TIP

Teach children to use a feeling thermometer.  Post one where all can see it. Use it yourself. When your kids can read and write, have them make a personal feeling thermometer.

CRITICAL THINKING DAILY PROMPT

This quick post was inspired by: Weaving the Threads – Draft a post with three parts, each unrelated to the other, but create a common thread between them by including the same item — an object, a symbol, a place — in each part.

At first I thought no way I am doing this one and went in search of another topic.  Stretching a bit one could say I wove pain, contentment, and happiness together.

Do you have a better explanation?

STAY STRONG  

Life is hard and we all struggle, some far more than others.  The fact is when we suffer we suffer and we are the ones who need to deal with it.  Emotional Fitness Training seeks to help you stay strong.

Watch for my newest venture. Publishing short eBooks at my store. My other books will continue to be sold on my Amazon.com Author’s page.

This new venture is related to feeling the pressure of age and the on-going wish to share the  knowledge I and others have found useful.  Money makes self-publishing in a PDF format the only way I can  do that.

The books will not be perfect,dygrapia will interfere,  but each will be good as I can so without spending money.

As usual thank you for supporting me. I am so lucky so many of you are there for me.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

HOW TO SILENCE THE BAD BUZZING IN YOUR HEAD

Our self talk can lift us up or tear us down.  Silencing the negative buzzing improves your emotional intelligence.

How to turn self-talk into useful slogans.

Emotional fitness tip

Pick a slogan that lifts you up and repeat it every time you become aware of negative buzzing.  Also repeat it every time you answer your phone or text a message. Repetition is necessary to counter the long practiced strength of negative buzzing.

PARENTING TIP

Find some affirmative slogans you can use with your kids. The more you use them, the better.

CRITICAL THINKING DAILY PROMPT

This quick post was inspired by this Daily Prompt. Fly on the Wall:  If you could be a “fly on the wall” anywhere and at any time in history, where and when would you choose?

Do you see how that lead me to thinking about the buzzing in our head?  If I hadn’t read it, I would not have posted today.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness now is to share this post with someone who will find it inspiring.  Thank you.

Katherine

 LINKS OF INTEREST

TIPS FOR DEFUSING OFFENSIVE JOKES

Do you ignore offensive jokes? Laugh to be one of the crowd? Protest? Laugh because it resonates with a prejudice of yours? See how these strike you?

Tip for dealing with offensive humor

Which ones evoked a small chuckle?  Which ones disgusted you? Both  responses are signs of deep-seated emotional beliefs. Offensive jokes only illustrate how prejudiced the human race is.  AND we all have our prejudicial moments. Why?

Well, as Ben Hecht said “prejudice is a raft onto which the shipwrecked mind clambers and paddles to safety.”

Or perhaps it is as  E.B White noted, ” Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.”

Both are true. Our brains like to keep things easy and prejudice is built on the fear that someone else is or has it better.  That someone varies and depends on who or what makes us feel less than okay.

Bad news?  Most often the fear or uncertainty about ourselves gets buried and we bask in feeling superior to others.

The good news is that once upon a time it was thought okay to be prejudiced and to feel better than some other group. So prejudices have gone underground. As Edward James Olmos notes,”We don’t have as much prejudice as we did 40 years ago, but today it is more educated.”

But here is a contrary thought by comedian Sacha Baron Cohen. “To single out a particular group and say we can’t make a joke about them is almost a form of prejudice and it’s kind of patronizing.”

Final as Gallager, another comedian, notes “I need wrong to get laughs. I need a normal world so that I can be abnormal, and that’s my problem. Comedians need prejudice.”

EMOTIONAL FITNESS TRAINING TIPS

Tip one:  Be aware of your prejudices. Thinking you are not bound by some false ideas about groups of people is delusional.  Think about early hurts in your life that started with a person who you labeled as belonging to another group.

Here’s a personal example, when I was five a red-head came up to me and for not reason I could figure out slapped me across the face and walked away. And yes, I remain a bit wary about red heads.  A personal prejudice that I own and work against.

Tip two: Talk of specific acts of specific  people.

Tip three:  When labeling behaviors think of the following six words:

  1. kind
  2. cruel
  3. dangerous
  4. thoughtless
  5. criminal
  6. evil

Some unacceptable  words can be linked. These include thoughtlessly cruel or dangerous, or criminal or evil. Offensive jokes are mostly thoughtless and cruel.

Tip four:  Know that all group labels are guilty of generalizing and generalizing is twisted thinking. Every person is unique and a blend of traits.

Tip five: When labeling a person’s behavior think how cruel, how often, to how many.  Also think balance: how kind, how often, to how many, and for what reason. Do the same with cultures.

Tip six: Remember what matters; be grateful; practice kindness; laugh; play; enjoy the good; speak out against the bad, but in thoughtful ways.  What you do and how you do it matters. This also means protesting offensive jokes. How?

  1. Don’t laugh.
  2. Raise you eyebrows and look a bit disgusted.
  3. Stay you find the joke highly offensive and are surprised if a friend is telling it.
  4. Take less offense if the teller is a comedian or cartoonist, but patronize them less.

 PARENTING TIP

Prejudices are learning in three ways

  1. Personal hurts that generalize to a specific group.
  2. Modeling parental prejudices.
  3. Following the crowd whether school mates, religions teachers, the media.

As always start first with examining your behavior. As your children anger school, gently dispute prejudices particularly those on the media.  During the pre-teen and teen years talk directly about prejudices. Very useful topic for family meetings.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness now is to share this post with someone who will find it inspiring.  Thank you.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

 FREE POSTER COACHES 

Like any coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  If not soon if for you, let me know and I will give it priority status.

Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

DAILY PROMPT

We Built This City  What do you love most about the city / town / place that you live in? What do you like the least about it? If you were mayor, what would be the most important problem you’d tackle? How would you tackle it?

I love most living in the United States where you can say almost anything you want and not have your head chopped off.  What I dislike is that the freedom to say what we wants means many vent personal hurts and hatreds in way that only increase prejudice.