Tag Archives: Fitness

Luck lurks

“Do you believe in fate or do you believe you can control your own destiny? ” My answer a bit of both.

Waiting for your destiny and nothing happens.

Thank you armzrace.com

emotional fitness thoughts

Brute fact: luck is part of where life takes you.  Good luck or bad luck, both matter. The “Just Do It” gurus would have you think otherwise.

Not healthy. Why? Two reasons: We keep trying when we should move on; we blame ourselves if not successful.

Jerome Kagan, Harvard researcher into how people become who they become, believes at least eight factors matter.  Those factors: Temperament, sibling order, who you want to be like (identifications), parental behavior, school and social success, community size,  historical events of adolescence, and chance. Think of chance or luck as what we do not control. Then review Kagan’s list and you will realize chance plays a part in each item.

EMotional Fitness Tip

You can’t control luck. That does not mean you cannot control your destiny.  Here  is EFTI’s tip of the day:  Build your life and ideas about success on what matters.  What matters? Doing what you can, sharing and caring, and learning lessons when things do not go your way.

STAY STRONG

When you are not getting where you want to go, remind yourself that luck cannot  be controlled, but comes and goes; good luck is a gift to cherish; bad luck something to wait out. If you are new to the idea of emotional fitness exercises visit this blog page: Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises to get started  improving your emotional intelligence. Thank you all for all you do to care and share with others. Doing a little matters a lot. Katherine

This post was inspired by this WordPress Daily Prompt: Que Sera Sera

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Today’s Emotional Fitness free Poster Coach

Endure the pain to get the good.                          To get a free download of this poster visit the EFTI Store. 

How to criticize and keep relationships that matter

My from kindergarten-best-friend once betrayed my trust,  but  72 years later we are still best friends and partly because she is not afraid to criticize.

Failing to tell bullies off.

I was raised in a family that believed with all their hearts that if you couldn’t say something nice, you should not say anything at all.  You might think that delightful, but actually is came with problems.  You never knew exactly where you stood.

It took my best friend to teach me relationships fared better if criticism was allowed.   I met my best friend in kindergarten.  When we entered our teens,   she told me I needed to get a bra.  No big deal.  Then ,however she went after a boy I had confessed to her that I had hope to snare.  I felt betrayed. Big deal.

When I  complained she said, “All is fair in love and war.”

A friend is someone who tells you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear; as  the Twelve Steppers preach: “Say what you mean, mean what you say and don’t say it mean.”

Easy to say, not so easy to do.

Emotional fitness tips about criticism

Tip one: The more the other person might be hurt, the more you need to have asked yourself these three questions

  1. “Is it true?”
  2.  “Does it matter?”
  3. “Is it kind?”

Each question needs careful thinking about, and that means minimally asking yourself who the answers apply to.  It might be true for you, not the other person. It might matter to you, but not the other person.  It might seem kind to not speak, but might be the kindest thing you could do.

Tip two:  Follow all the other good advice about criticizing. Pick the right time,  be specific, point to a solution, don’t be emotional, and use the sandwich approach (two slices of praise between the bitter food of criticism,

Tip three: Don’t expect too much.  As Norman Vincent Peale, relationship expert,  noted: ‘The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”

Tip four: Learn from the response.  Gregory Bateson, expert on communication,  noted that “Communication is response. “

An angry response to criticism generally means you have touched on something that hurts;  ignoring what you have said, means the criticism is probably scaring the other person; a thoughtful response might mean you have been heard or that the other person is being kind.  

Time will tell. Some people will react badly at first, but in time change, while others will say “Yes” but behave as if your words have not been heard. 

Tip five: Don’t be afraid to repeat you criticism if the problems the behavior creates keep occurring. Remember the advertizing adage – people need to see or hear something five, six, or seven times before it sinks in.

Tip six:  When safety is involved, minimally the relationship should only be sustained at a distance. An abuser should not have physical access to you.

Tip seven: Observe the Five to One Rule.   Dr. Gottman, relationship expert,  and his colleagues found  that couples who maintained a ratio of five positive moments (interactions) for  each negative moment had relationships that lasted. Marriages that fall below a one to one ratio failed.

It did not matter if you fought like cats and dogs or held fast to my parent’s edict of always being nice. If the ration of good to bad was at five to one or above the relationship lasted.

Tip Eight: If it becomes clear the other person cannot or will not change, make a conscious decision about the relationship.  End it, or accept that the person is doing the best they can do, practice forgivenss,  and go on.

stay strong

Laugh and play, be with beauty, be grateful, indulge, practice kindness, forgive yourself and others are not just Emotional Fitness Exercises, but ways to maintain a Five to One ratio.

Practice them and improve, not just relationsships with others, but with yourself.

If you are new to the idea of emotional fitness exercises visit this blog page: Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises to get started  improving your emotional intelligence.

Thank you all for all you do to care and share with others. Doing a little matters a lot.

Katherine

This blog post was inspired by this WordPress Daily Prompt: That’s Amore   Think of your longest relationship: describe how your love has changed over time, did you go from the giddiness of infatuation, to mad passion, to deep respect, esteem, and friendship? Tell us about your love story.

 

Final Farewell

We were not created to think about our deaths. Living in fear is not healthy.  Thinking at least once a day about what matters works better. However, at least once a year  think more deeply about dying, and what you want your life to stand for.

Finally, make sure each day is full of beauty, laughter, gratitude and kindness.  Care and share and thank you.

Katherine

This post was inspired by this  Word Press Daily Prompt: If You Leave  Life is a series of beginnings and endings. We leave one job to start another; we quit cities, countries, or continents for a fresh start; we leave lovers and begin new relationships. What was the last thing you contemplated leaving? What were the pros and cons? Have you made up your mind? What will you choose?

Granted at my age, I thought about the final departure. And if you read me regularly, you know I have written about death occasionally.

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Too much pressure? Here’s a fix

When pressure mounts, learn to procrastinate to like the pro’s do:

Seven Reasons to Procrastinate.

Emotional fitness thoughts and tips

The best suggestions for staying emotionally strong are the last two.  Sorting the essentials from the trivial means staying focused on what matters.

What matters? In the long run the researchers and sages of the ages agree: caring connections. And these are obtained by following the cross cultural rules preaching say “Treat all others as you want to be treated.”

Notice the rule does not say “Only treat family, friends, or tribal members as you want to be treated.” The rule says “Treat all others as you want to be treated.”

The world would move toward peace for all, if all followed that rule. Work smarter, not harder means making the Golden Rule your life mission.

Warning: As most want to live, the rule allows you to defend yourself.  Jewish law which is known for it 613 rules one must follow, throws all but three of those laws out if your life depends on violating them.

Working smarter not harder relates to knowing what matters,  what Emotional Fitness thinks of as your Life Mission butt also to setting achievable goals.    SMART Goal setting increases the odds you will get set achievable goals and what you want out of your life.

smart goals

SMART Goals are used by the top management gurus, but work for everyone.

STAY STRONG

Laughing and playing, be with beauty, indulging in a healthy pleasure, and forgiving yourself are healthy ways to procrastinate.  The One Minute Meditation  another one and is like taking  a mini vacation.

Thank you for all you do,

Katherine

P.S.

This post inspired by a Word Press Daily Prompt: Time After Time:  which asked how you do under pressure.  My answer: I need pressure to keep me from procrastinating like an amateur.

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