Tag Archives: Fitness

HOW GRATITUDE DEFEATS THE BAD STUFF

To move forward when life throws mega blows  at you, you need to have learned the art of gratitude; just as there is summer, there is also winter, and then spring.

gratitude

Emotional fitness is not about denying hurt; trying to is futile and only drives it underground where it builds up steam and erupts.  Emotional fitness is about feeling your feelings, seeing them as tools for leaning, or moments to be enjoyed and building the tools you need to survive a life blow, what the experts call trauma.

Trauma is best defined as something painful that changes you forever.  Feelings serve as signals and painful ones accompanying trauma  stop you from feeling anything but the pain.   You can only cry or howl.

However, in time you move on.  Some move on by getting angry, others numb out, others howl in despair or cry knowing their hearts have been broken; their lives changed forever.

I am one who cries, and it is always with thinking ” I will never be able to stop my tears.”  Not what happens.  Life blows get you howling or crying for far longer than you like. Some weep uncontrollably for what seems like hours.  I go for about twenty minutes in spurts that last for days, but each day the time between the tears or howling grow longer.

The goal all should strive for is to express the pain as pain. However,  some never cry, but rage. Anger is a shield against hurt.  Feeling the hurt is more productive but not if you wallow in as a victim.

Our genes often determine how long it takes to stop the tears or anger or despair that visits along with life blows.

The more we are able to persist in getting a job done, the more likely we have genes involved in the trait called persistence by the experts.  Persistence is a mega talent in many ways – some say it is the key to success. Now so helpful when trying to let go of pain and move on.

The traits passed on to us in our genes are not set in stone and can be modified and often are as we grow.   Learning to be grateful for the good when dealing with  a double-edged swords like being both blessed and cursed with persistence is one practicing gratitude.. For more about temperament visit this Parents Are People Too blog post. Take the temperament test.

HOW TO PRACTICE GRATITUDE

Before the bad times come make a list of all you have to be grateful for – life, food, love, a beautiful world, friends, surviving bad times, good memories, pets, even material possessions. I am grateful for my computer and for access to the Internet, for my books, for my old, but still running car.

Be specific. When being thankful for the people in your lives,  list them by name and the gift each brings.  Some friends bless you in one way; others bless you in other ways.  Even the worse parent can be thanked for giving you life.

When you have made your list, get comfortable, then take a deep slow breathe  in and  as you breathe out say “Thank you” while thinking of something on your list.  Breathe normally for a few moments and then thank something else exactly as you thanked the first. When you have said “Thank you” at least three times,  say a general thank you, smile and go about your day. .

You can never say “Thank you” enough. As Elizabeth Gilbert notes, “In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.”

Gratitude is best practiced off and on throughout the day. Every time someone does something for you, say “Thank you” aloud. When someone rings up your purchases or packs your groceries, or holds a door say, “Thank you” Thank inanimate objects. Say “Thank you” when something works. Say “Thank you” when things go your way. Say “Thank you” when you see something of beauty. Say “Thank you” when you hear some beautiful or inspiring music. When you smell a whiff of fresh air, or the scent of a flower, or the aroma of fresh coffee or hot chocolate, say “Thank you.”

All that is good in this world is a gift and saying “Thank you” extends the gift.

And thank pain for the lessons it gives. There are always lessons.

parenting tip

As always what you do matters most, so say  “Thank you” when practicing gratitude in your child’s presence.  You do not have to thank bad behavior, but should always say it when the bad behavior stops.

IMPROVE YOUR CRITICAL THINKING

DAILY PROMPT  Last Words: You have the chance to write one last post on your blog before you stop blogging forever. Write it.

Can you guess what mine would be? A “Thank You” Post in the form of a good bye letter and it would begin with Charles Lee’s Gratitude poerm.

What would you write in such a letter?

Links of interest

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above,  I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.

Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.

Katherine

THREE PITY POT SAYINGS OR JOKES (?)

Cannot laugh at these.  Life probably sucks big time right now. The most important thing? Do not let the bad keep you on the Pity pot too long.

Self pity joke.

PITY POT1 images (2)Yes, you are the only one who can get up and off the Pity Pot.  The strength lies within No other  tips today but do think a bit and if you have not read yesterday’s post. Read it now.

DEEPER THOUGHTS

Once pain fades recalling it reinforces it and that  why self-pity is destructive,  it creates the bad feelings over and over again.

Sadly often we don’t know we are caught in its web, because we feel entitled, get pleasure, and can more easily shrug off responsibility. Those three things increase the livelihood of more pain.  Do not think I am denying pain and the fact that at times you are sitting drowning and have been pulled under by pain, then the most you can do means breaking down. That is survival, not sitting on a pity pot.  However when you come up for air, you need to find a healthy distraction, feeling sorry is not one.

DAILY PROMPT: Cut Off – When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?

We so need others in our lives that one thing driving us to the pity pot is loneliness. What to do? Almost anything healthy that absorbs your interest so much your forget the real world for a while. Any that even helps in the loneliest of times which is when others are around, but self absorbed,

Reading a page turner does it best for me.  Writing or interacting on social media also get me enjoying more and reduces the chance of my hind end getting a red ring from pity pot sitting.

LINKS OF INTEREST

BE KIND TO ME

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same. All on the social media need the kindness of likes and they really take little time.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find some good every day.

Katherine

 

THREE TIPS FOR GETTING OFF YOUR PITY POT

In pain?  Feeling sorry for yourself? We all do when hurt. However,  hugging the hurt around you like a feather comforter keeps you stuck in the pain. Not good.

self pity quotes

WHAT TO DO?  TRY THESE TIPS

Emotional fitness tip one:  Rate the hurt on a ten to one scale:  Physically hurt or illness threatening death or a life of difficult to manage pain or disability is a ten.  Bad.You are entitled to some moments of self pity, but be careful those moments do not erode the better moments.

A past pain even severe physical pain or emotional abuse  rate a 5 or below. The longer ago, the lower the rating.    Often self pity means holding on to past pains? Not at all helpful.  Forgive or forget and go on.

Emotional fitness tip two: Replace “poor-me” self-talk with positive slogans. “Now matters most” or “Moving on” or “Alive and well” are some that might work.

Emotional fitness tip three: Practice EFTI’s Daily Easy Exercises.  The most important ones? Gratitude, Remember What Matters and Practicing Kindness.

parenting tip

Starting young, the most helpful thing a parent can do is teaching children to rate pain.  

Say “Big hurt” as you comfort a child crying uncontrollably.

A fall and a scrunched up face getting ready to cry, ask the child to rate the hurt – big, medium or small? Use a hand gesture to measure Big, Medium or Small

Getting the child to rate the hurt instantly weakens the pain.

DEEPER THOUGHTS

Once pain fades recalling it reinforces it and that  why self-pity is destruction it creates the bad feelings over and over again.

Sadly often we don’t know we are caught in its web, because we feel entitled, get pleasure, and can more easily shrug off responsibility. Those three things increase the livelihood of more pain.

DAILY PROMPTLocal Flavor: Write a piece about a typically “local” experience from where you come from as though it’s an entry in a travel guide.

Self-pity is always a local journey into the negative part of our brain.  The post is all about that.  If I were writing a travel quide about this it would say “Taking the road called self pity only leads to the town called pain, avoid it.” 

LINKS OF INTEREST

BE KIND TO ME

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same. All on the social media need the kindness of likes and they really take little time.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find some good every day.

Katherine

WHY PRACTICING KINDNESS MATTERS,

The greatest gift of practicing kindness is that you can look in the mirror and find a better self reflected.

Go Beyond Random Kindness

We are each other’s mirrors. As we grow what others see in us we come not just to see, but to  believe about ourselves. Then as we grow what we see in others is our reflection and often not of our better selves, but of our lessor selves. Why practicing kindness matters.

pARENTING TIP

Teaching children to practice kindness begins with teaching good manners. Manners are not a matter of which fork to use but treating others the way you want to be treated.

For more tips about teaching children to be kind see this Parents Are People Too Blog Post “Kindness matters.”

DEEPER THOUGHTS

The more kindness spreads, the more peace grows. But to think a bit more about being kind, one must also be safe. There are those who respond to kindness as weakness; all those who only know hate will respond to kindness violently. Why the ancient laws and world-wide laws recognize the different between killing in self-defense and murder.

DAILY PROMPT “Think global, act local.” Write a post connecting a global issue to a personal one.  Just did.

LINKS OF INTEREST

BE KIND TO ME

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same. All on the social media need the kindness of likes and they really take little time.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find some good every day.

Katherine