Uncertainty drives much behavior. Knowing the uncertainties in any situation increases your #emotionalintelligence and helps you act with greater wisdom.
EMOTIONAL FITNESS THOUGHTS AND TIPS
Today’s Word Press Prompt provides a good opportunity to look at how uncertainty controls even mundane behaviors. Here it is:
DAILY PROMPT Middle Seat: It turns out that your neighbor on the plane/bus/train (or the person sitting at the next table at the coffee shop) is a very, very chatty tourist. Do you try to switch seats, go for a non-committal brief small talk, or make this person your new best friend?
Developmental expert Jerome Kagan notes that conflicting beliefs are a major source of uncertainty and that plays out on the world stage in terms of who has the right belief about God, Gods, Goddesses, or none such. But such conflicts are ever present in our everyday affairs; deciding what to do when competing with a “talker” is a good example. Here are four of my conflicting beliefs when dealing with a talker:
- I am a kind and polite person.
- Interrupting is rude.
- I am a good listener
- I have an opinion I want to share.
- Others need to vent.
- I need to vent.
- Sharing is good.
- Doing my thing is good.
How these conflicts plays out in my feelings and behavior: For a while I take pride in being kind, listening, letting another vent, letting another share my time and space.
Then if the other person goes on and on, my need to share my thoughts, to be heard or to do my thing grows as does my frustration. Eventually those needs can overrule the belief interrupting is rude. Then I try to interrupt politely.
If that works, good. If not my frustration and anger grows and I begin to feel entitled to get rude. In time if the other person persists in filibustering, I feel entitled to say loudly and angrily “Shut up.”
As I noted in my previous post, Uncertainty Pains, The first step in not letting doubt and uncertainty rule your behavior is to accept that it does. The second step is to tease out as I did above what uncertainties are at play. Hopefully, knowing that lets you act wisely.
Another strategy I use is what I call the Rule of Three. I count how many times I am tempted to interrupt; then when the count hits three, I interrupt as politely as I can. Doesn’t always work, so the next post will discuss a few alternatives that do a bit better.
Thank you for all you do, enjoy and be grateful for all you have been given, practice kindness, like, share or comment.