Tag Archives: Fitness

6 Tip For Thriving When Things Change

Seasons change, feelings change, beliefs change. How you greet change, how you think about it, makes easy or difficult to deal with.

Emotional Fitness Training poster coach about change

Some changes creep up on us. For those of a certain age, there probably came a day when you looked in a mirror or caught your reflection and thought, “Who is that old person?” only to realize it was you.

Then there are the times past expectations keep us from seeing change. My husband shaved off his mustache once, and after three days of asking me if I liked the change, he had to point it out to me. I didn’t see it.

Finally, there are the traumatic life experiences that change us painfully and quickly. 9/11 was that type of change for many. Also why there are few atheists in fox holes.

But smaller events can also produce mega-change. The brain changes of adolescent quickly turn  many young people from obedient, parent-worshiping children to contrary,” You cannot tell me anything”  young people. You know

that has happened when your pre-teen or teen no longer want to be seen with you. The brain changes allow one to see reality more clearly, but also to compare past teaching with their current view of reality. In the child’s mind, parents suddenly seem stupid, liars, or power-hungry.

Notice I do not say these  changing brains of puberty  turn all teens into adults. That is a slower process. For some it never occurs.  For many it emerges after a few years of living on their own. For others it only comes when they become parents.

When change is as fast as a NASCAR racers, it might be exciting and fun. However, when change brings you to your knees or knocks you  out, those times “Life Blows” and what  the experts call them traumas.

When a Life Blow strikes you down, going on will be a struggle, but if you look back over your life,  you will see you have survived the worse of times.  Honoring surviving past life blows strengthens your ability to go on.

As you think about the past, remember that Life Blows, need not be life threatening, but all hurt, are beyond your ability to control, and change your beliefs.  Here are a few examples that meet that description but are not physically painful or life threatening:

  • Being shunned because of your nationality, religion, or skin color.
  • Being bullied even mildly
  • Betrayal by a friend
  • Realizing your parents are not perfect
  • Failing in school

Part of surviving such blows is realizing you are dealing with a Life Blow. Then these tips help.

Emotional training tip one: do what you can as you can. Be patient; time does not heal all wounds but usually we mend enough in the broken places to go on.

Emotional training tip two:  As always take  good care of your body, Life Blows weaken our physical beings making it essential to do all the things your mother and doctor say keep you healthy.

Emotional training tip three:  Examine how a Life Blow has changed your view of the world. Life blows challenge our deepest beliefs. Explains why there are no atheists in fox holes.   James Garbarino says trauma reveals what he calls the  three secret trauma reveals.

The first secret: Each human is vulnerable, our bodies can be hurt, our hearts betrayed, and death comes when it will, not when we want.

The second secret: Love and a caring community cannot always keep us safe. No matter how we are loved and live in what seems to be a safe place, we are still subject to hurt and death.

The third secret: humans are capable of great savagery, can be easily  manipulated to inflict Life Blows on others. This is as true of you as of others.

I would add to the third that those who are truly good and kind have been very blessed, but also cursed. Why cursed? Because they will follow the rules of kindness and the more truly evil will not.

Emotional training tip four: Remember what matters.  As both the sages and the researchers agree, while evil often seems to triumph the good life really lies in being kind and treating others as you want to be treated. Do not let hurt or the advertisers convince you other wise.

Emotional training tip five: Focus on the good.  How? Laugh, play, and create t. Make one of your  creations a memory book. Include a few bad memories to accentuate the reality that life is not all good times. Those pages will also honor surviving.

Emotional fitness training tip five: If you  life is one of constant physical or emotional pain get the best possible care. . Emotional Fitness Tips augment, but do not replace competent professional help.

Emotional fitness training tip six: Learn acceptance of what you cannot control. One of the best sources of practical help for both acute and chronic suffering is Marsha Linehan’s work, particularly her thoughts on Radical Acceptance. 

I was once accused of stealing her ideas, but that was before I had even heard of her.  The criticism pushed me to learn about her and to attend a training lead by her. I saw why I was thought to be plagiarizing her and felt honored by the comparison.

The fact is when we suffer,  we are the ones who need to deal with it alone or with help from those who care and in some situations professionals.

This post was inspried by this WordPress Daily Prompt Turn, Turn, Turn: Seasons change so quickly! Which one do you most look forward to? Which is your least favorite?

Following my own advice, I try to enjoy the good in each season, work to find the beauty each brings and to accept the not so good.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it?  Comment and tell me why and how to improve.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

LINKS OF INTEREST

When to Call 911

Lessons learned from 9/11. Staying calm in a crisis means knowing what you can and cannot do. That starts with knowing when to call for 911.

When to call 911

I directed a mental health Mobile Community Support Team in the Bronx before, during and after 9/11. I saw smoke pouring out of the tower on my way to work that day. The Bronx was just far enough away from downtown that we could function. We had  no television or radio reception, no computers, and at first only a hazy idea of what was happening, but via phone calls realized all too soon what was happening.

Once we knew it was an attack, the staff with children home were sent home; the rest of us stayed on to do what we could. Which was not much that day, except to pray. We all pray at times like that; prayers are heart-felt thoughts sent out into the universe, to God if you believe, to whatever can help if you do not believe in God.

The following days, however, found us busy dealing with the fears of the families and children we served, as well as mobilizing other help through a 9/11 Crisis hot line.  When the immediate crisis is over, the need for support continues.

The  Mobile Community Support Team’s mission  was to keep children from being hauled off in an ambulance to an emergency room for possible admission to a psychiatric hospital.  Lots of our work involved training families in the art of crisis diffusion, but also to know when to call 911. Hence, the poster.

In order to remember the plan and what matters in a crisis, you need to know how to stay calm. That requires self-soothing skills.  Here’s one self-soothing skill we taught. The  OMM, once learned and practiced,  calms your body and focuses your mind.

A one minute meditation

A little know fact about crisis management:  being able to act strengthens you. Doing something to help others strengthens you more.

I am so grateful, my life’s path took me down this road.   As I tried to help others, I used what I was learning to create Emotional Fitness Training, Inc. and the Twelve Daily Exercises.

Start you emotional fitness plan by learning and practicing them. You’ve been introduced to one, here are three more.

This post was inspired by this WordPress Daily Prompt —  In a Crisis: Honestly evaluate the way you respond to crisis situations. Are you happy with the way you react?

And yes I am happy with having learned to stay calm so I can do what needs to be done.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it?  Comment and tell me why and how to improve.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

10 Tips to Make Happiness Everafter Work

First tip: Stop seeking  happiness. The pursuit of happiness is a selling device.  Buy into it and waste time, money, and effort. Pursue contentment instead

Tips for finding contentment

One  problem in wanting to be eternally happy, is that you need unhappiness to measure your happiness.

The second problem is what the experts call habituation. You can get used to anything and then it becomes boring. We crave contrast and difference, but within a bearable range.

A personal story. I a young child during the food rationing days of World War II.  We ate well, but somethings were in very short supply – chocolate bars were a very special treat and I remember my mother breaking off one square and telling me to hold it in my mouth and let it melt so the goodness would last.  Loved those little squares.

When chocolate became more common, I got less pleasure, it became routine. In time chocolate became a no-no because of weight gain, and I reverted to savoring one square at a time.

This Emotional Fitness Post was inspired by this WordPress Daily PromptHappily Ever After – “And they lived happily ever after.” Think about this line for a few minutes. Are you living happily ever after? If not, what will it take for you to get there?

I am content, not happy. I know anger, joy, despair, desire, love, hate, fear, shame, pride and a hundred variations of these emotions. Mostly I control their influence on my life by following my own advice and that is basically summed up in the EFTI Poster Coach above.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it?  Comment and tell me why and how to improve.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

 

FIGHTING FOR TRUTH AND JUSTICE? THINK ABOUT THIS

If the news of the day was still going out in smoke signals, truth and justice would still be in the hands of the powerful, but there is progress. Do you agree?
Truth and justice

QUICK EMOTIONAL FITNESS TRAINING TIP

Don’t give up the fight, but don’t slip over the line that divides seeking good for all from revenge. When one is hurt, our hearts and feelings command us to fight back or run away.  There is a middle ground: staying safe and working in every way in your power to right the wrong of oppression any way you can.

Parenting tip: Teach your children both manners and the basics of self-defense. Here is the best self-defense approach for doing both:  Peace DoJo International. And a quote:

 “A Peace Dojo engages in rigorous and deliberate training practices to develop the capacity for skillful, healing action and the courage of heart needed to face the fear and violence in oneself and in the world.”

If you live in the New York City area seek out Bill Leicht 212-228-0980 for information about programs near you. Most are reasonably priced and scholarships are available.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Thank you.

Katherine

POST INSPIRATION not from this Daily Posts PromptCurrent events and the war between good and evil engendered there in. However,  I did make it fit a bit in the following:

Here is the prompt:   Your Life, the Book:From a famous writer or celebrity, to a WordPress.com blogger or someone close to you — who would you like to be your biographer?

My blogging is my auto biography and as for a celebrity to take it on as a biography? Well, Oprah was the first name that came to mind. I was on her show once as an expert in the audience and she brought me down.

View the video and watch her body language. She was not happy with me although I think my advice was good and we are more alligned then not. But she was worried about her image. Here right, and I do understand that. So she need not do a book, maybe just comment nicely on my obituary.  That would be my version of Restorative Justice

Restorative Justice is a movement that started in South Africa.  Here is a quote about the problem of justice which is world wide.

Over-representation of minorities in the criminal justice system is a problem around the world. It raises questions about the fairness of the justice system itself and of how larger social justice problems influence the justice system.

Other LINKS OF INTEREST