Tag Archives: Fitness

How To Find Beauty

Today’s Word Press Daily Prompt asked if beauty is in the eye of the beholder or not. Be With Beauty is an emotional fitness exercise that answers “Yes.”

Roots as beauty

STAYING STRONG

Beauty is all around, but only if you have trained your eyes to see.  Faux beauty is promoted on the media and helps the cash registers ring.  The cosmetic business makes millions and I bet you can name others making money by promoting their images of beauty.

Sad, but making money does keep many working. So my main objection is the rejection of other kinds of physical beauty. Some wrinkled faces hold more beauty than the high cheek bones of the latest fashion icon.

The Emotional Fitness Be With Beauty Exercise seeks to strengthen you eye for beauty.  Thich Nah Hahn notes  you can see garbage in the rose and the rose in the garbage.  You find beauty by narrowing or expanding your view.

In a room that seems drab finding a spot of color is finding beauty.  On a city litter filled street focusing of a spot of light or all the lights reaching toward the sky find you being with beauty.

When looking at a person, looking for kindness shows you the beauty within. Sometimes an act of kindness on your part brushes a less than beautiful face with beauty.  Nothing matches the beauty of an honest smile.

Thank you for all you do including liking, commenting, or sharing. Kindness blesses the giver and the receiver.

Katherine

Links of interest

 Word Press Daily Prompt

Daily Post Sept 16, 2014 Daily Prompt  Absolute Beauty       ;We’ve all heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Do you agree? is all beauty contingent on a subjective point of view?

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspiration quotes and Be With Beauty Posters. .

 

How to defeat “To Do List” over load

As an old lady with way too much  to do and way too little time left, I would be bald from tearing my hair if I hadn’t become a professional procrastinator.

Procrastinate

There is always too much to do, particularly when it comes to what you want to do, then the things you must do get in the way.  Still they must be done.

Emotional fitness thoughts and tips

This post was inspired by  blogger mesardonicmesarcastic asking for help.  Here is part of his plea:

I want some help here. I am curious to know how does one manage the posts of over several thousand people. If the point is to engage with other publishers on WordPress and build a community, how do you engage with such mass? …. I’m asking this because there’s a blog that I follow with 42,000 followers. 

 Also, how do you pick who you follow? Do you follow any and everybody

More generally he asks do you blog about what is popular, or what interests you?  The blogger he follows says to post often, but writing blog posts takes time and then if people respond you need to respond back. Same with all social media.

My husband is nearing the limit on Facebook friends.  That is essentially the only social media he uses.  I think the limit  comes when you hit 2000 friends.  I haven’t topped 700 there, but  I also do twitter, Google, link, and Pinterest.  So I may have come close to David in numbers.  Too much, to treat respectfully  at least in terms of what my remaining time allows and my desire to practice good manners and kindness.

I have been blogging hoping to build a legacy for my third child Emotional Fitness Training, Inc,  I had a dream others would become Emotional Fitness Trainers; then  they and I would make money by training, licencing, and selling EFTI material. Not happening, not going to happen. The time has come for me to let go of most of that dream.

As I have been known to point out, not all dreams come true.  I have been passionate about this dream, worked hard, kept my eye on the prize, but needed more than what I could do alone. So it goes.  Other dreams of mine have flourished and I have lived a life beyond my dreams. So I am not complaining.

That said, however, this blogger’s post came as I have been resetting some goals particularly in terms of my desire to leave something of on-going value behind when I leave  this world.  Here are my  tips  about dealing with over load.

Tip one: Know your mission and your goals.  Your mission is what you want your life to stand for. Your goals are how the things you must or want to do as your life unfolds.  And yes, I have an eBook about missions and goals.

Tip two: Get real about your expectations. I rant lots against the Happiness Gurus and their marital partners the “Just Do It” Bonkers.  Each seeks money more than your well-being.

My youngest son, early on, poured his heart into getting into the Baseball Hall of Fame as the best first basemen since Keith Hernandez.  He did all his Little League coaches asked and more. However, he had little talent for the hitting, running, or catching; he sat on the bench lots. We tried to discourage him, but did not forbid his efforts.

As he told me when he was eleven and quit trying: “There are only 600 major league players and millions of kids like me.  I’m not good enough to make the majors.”

He was depressed, but feel to pursue other goals and eventually found a sport he loved and enjoys for the joy it brings.  Parents hear that. Teach your children sports are for fun, not just for beating others.  

Tip Three: Recognize the choices you make.  I do not think we have unlimited free choice; life has its way with us; and sometimes miracles come our way. However, I for one do not know why some prayers are answered and some  ignored. Nor do I understand why many bad people seem to be  given much and  very good people,  often seem to get only grief.

I do understand that most of the time we have choice. It may be between what we don’t like and what we hate, but it is choice.  You may hate your job, but hate not getting a paycheck to feed your family a bit more that you hate your job.

Tip four: Choose kindness as often as you can, for kindness matters most.

Tip five: Pursue what makes you happy as much as you can, when you can, and how you can.

Tip six; Every once in a while check your progress.  Anders Ericsson, skills building expert, notes,  developing  any skill  requires not just practice, but deliberate practice. What is deliberate practice? Regularly scheduled practice that works as measured by improvement.

Many people stumble when it comes to measuring progress. However, rating scales can measure any thing, so start using them.  Here are two five point rating scales I use in terms of my goals.

How motivated am I to work regularly on this goal?  One is “Everyday all day. “Three as if it is ” I work at it as a job” I put in six or seven hours every work day.”  Five is “I  do what I can when I can.”

Two is my work paying off?   One is “I am actually making money.”  Three is “People are following me more” and Five I am not enjoying the work and wonder if I should keep going.”

My answers “I work at it as a job” but “I am not enjoying the work”  and after wondering “if I should keep going” I think change is in order.

As much as I love blogging and wanted someone to keep that part of my Emotional Fitness Training business going, that is not going to happen. Boo hoo, but time to think of another goal.

Although my books are not best sellers, people still buy them and keeping them out there will happen at least for a while, even if no one is out there pushing them.  So my books remain my best worldly legacy.

So I am in the process of looking at options.  My primary goal is to share knowledge I have found useful and I think in terms of a legacy that means eBooks and one or two hard books.  If you have thoughts I would appreciate reading them?

STAYING STRONG

Thank you for all you do including liking, commenting, or sharing. Kindness blesses the giver and the receiver.

Katherine

Links of interest

 Word Press Daily Prompt

Daily Post Sept 15, 2014 Daily Prompt Overload Alert:   “Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.” — Gertrude Stein
Do you agree?

I so agree and we all need to stop and think harder and deeper. That is what Emotional Fitness Training wants to help you do.

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

The put the Pro Poster is available as a free down load at our eftistore.

How to Win Life’s Lottery

Despite the popularity of the idea that we control our fate by controlling our thoughts, and we just need to “Do It, ” just doing it requires some luck.

Why to I rant so about this? Those of you who read me, are probably tired of those rants. Apologies, but just doing it does not work for the most people,  but  only creates despair or worse hatred.

For those of us lucky or blessed as some have it to have all we need and more, the danger is gluttony, wanting more and more of what feels good is always present.

The cries of just “Do it” do not feed the starving. Such cries lead to many of us who have much, feeling smug and less willing to help those who have less or little or not enough to survive on, let alone crawl their way to the good life.

Moreover, the cries of “Do it” are used by the advertising peopleto create dissatisfaction and increase sales.

Want the good life? Who doesn’t. Want to be happy? Who doesn’t.  I do.  Am I always happy? Ha. Not now, not through out my life. Am I always able to stay strong as I often suggest you do and as I tell myself to do? Not now, not through out my life.  Am I always calm and kind and grateful. No, no, no. But I look back on many years and am satisfied I have done the best I could with all I have been given and that has meant being blessed, having good karma, or more than some “a little bit of luck.”  I am grateful for that.

Here are today’ Emotional Fitness Training Tip:

Tip one: Life is a struggle, relationships often difficult, painful even murderous.  That is reality, thinking otherwise is delusional and twisted thinking at its worse.

Tip two: Happiness is illusionary, something we stumble on it in  amazing ways but only when luck or the blessing of whatever other powers control what we are given smile on us.

Tip three:  The poets, the sages of the ages, and the researchers know true happiness lies in our sense of being good.  “I have to live with myself and so I want to be good for myself to know.”

Tip four: Sadly our cultures or personal life experiences often teach  us that happiness means overpowering others, controlling others. Sad, but true, many  find happiness in violence.  Bullies learn to be bullies because it feels very good to force someone to do what you want.

Tip five: It takes a village to raise a child, and the more those who want peace for all make up that village, the greater the chance peace will come to this world.  Freedom is a major roadway to peace for all.

Tip six: The only way freedom exists is freedom for all to believe as they wish with one major exception. That exception? Forcing others in one way or another to believe as you do.

Tip seven: The golden rule, it all its forms is the true path to the good life, to feeling good about yourself, bringing peace to your heart, your small world, and the larger world we all inhabit.

Two forms of the Golden Rule exist. One form “Do not do what you would hate done to you. ” The second form “Do to others what you would others do to you.”

Tip eight: Even the Golden Rule in either form can be perverted. How? By drawing circles around and putting some in a circle labeled these  deservesto be treated as the Golden Rule says; those outside this circle do not deserve such treatment.

STAYING STRONG

Mostly I rely on  self-soothing  to get me through the very hard times we all face. One of the hardest practices is being grateful for all. Some say lessons are sent personally to you to correct unacceptable behavior.

That always seemed to be to blame people.  I prefer to think life is full of lessons. We all have much to learn.  When bad things happen, looking for some knowledge to add to our efforts to stay strong seems better than focusing on blame.

At the same time, we all fail to do what we can as best we can, so examining our personal behavior matters and as do working harder to do the best we can.

Thank you for all you do including liking, commenting, or sharing. Kindness blesses the giver and the receiver.

Katherine

Links of interest

 Word Press Daily Prompt

How to Endure the Unendurable

You endure the unendurable mostly by putting one foot in front of the other, and when that is not possible, just standing what I call “Dead in the water” for a

What is unendurable?  Events that change you forever. Such life blows  can be something as personal as the death of gold-fish or as life threatening as being in a war zone;  war zones’ include domestic violence or neighborhoods run by criminals.

Such events bring you to a stand still.   When standing “Dead in the water” is  the best you can do, hopefully others will be there tending you.

WHAT HELPS AFTER A LIFE BLOW

When you can begin putting one foot ahead of the other, here are some others have found to move them ahead.

First – Do what the very young do. Young children move forward the best because more than the rest of us the younger the children the more he or she  lives in the now.  A bomb goes off, their house burns down, a parent dies, and quicker than an older child or adult, the young child can be seen playing with a favorite toy or laughing with friends.

Too often grownups seeing such play, think the child is not affected by the unendurable. Not so; nature and the development of their brains at that time, gets they through and keeps them going by having them do whatever comforts them the most, usually play.

Adults and school aged children need a bit more, but the lesson being learned is a good one; as soon as pain and immediate danger are past, get back to the everyday things that comfort.

Next – reconnect with those you care about and who care about you.  Doing so is one of the things that comforts most.  For most of us  right after the unendurable, we need to be with those  who can help us affirm the horror of what happened.

As  the great philosopher Martin Buber noted:  “Man wishes to be confirmed in his being by man, and wishes to have a presence in the being of the other….sent forth from the natural domain of species into the hazard of solitary category surrounded by a chaos which came into being with him…secretly and bashfully he watches for a YES which allows him to be and which can come to him only from one human person to another…that the heavenly bread of self being is passed. “

At no time is this more important to connect or reconnect then when life blows strike. That is why the mental health professionals gather trauma victims for debriefings.  Talking about the horror helps particularly when it first hits.

Warning – going over the bad, however, reinforces the pain.  Current research finds constantly reviewing the trauma, which often happens in some talk therapy, is not useful.

As soon as possible, establish a normal routine with an emphasis on maintaining what we know tends to our physical well-being – getting enough sleep, eating properly, and exercising.

Finally, examine what the unendurable has done to reaffirm or shatter your core beliefs about life and what it all means. Everyone needs to find comforting explanations for the whys of life.

Don’t agree? Think about the universal cry of the traumatized  “Why me?”

We all know people who have lost or gained faith following a life blow.

For most of us, one or another religion serves to answer the why and how of life.  People of faith find comfort and hope in religious practice. My faith helps me.

I quarrel with my atheist friends who want to do away with religion.  Mostly these have lost faith after when prayers seemed to fail. I do not quarrel with any religion as long as it it allows those that do not encourage violence of one sort or another and allow others to  believe as they believe. or preach violence of one sort or another,

While I  do not  care not what anyone believes,  I do  want bad theology done away with.  Most of that theology centers around the idea that all should have the same belief.  In my mind, the atheists who want to abolish religion are in the same camp as those who say in one way or another, “My faith is the one true faith.”  Neither brings peace to this world.

All beliefs need to be examined against the Golden Rule. Harvard researchers Jerome Kagan and Sheila Lamb looked into morality around the world. They found that every culture promoted two values:

  1. Caring for the weak
  2. Justice and fair treatment.

When I taught this to my students, many rightful asked why if this is true is the world so full of violence?

My answer, “Because, we apply those values to our own, but not to others.  We put those  seen different, not in our family, clan, or tribe out of our caring circle.”

The beliefs that work best for all of us are those embodied by the Golden Rule.  To bring peace to this world, however, we must draw the circle of caring around all, not just our own.

 STAy strong

When a life blow strikes, and they strike all at one time or another,  a well-practiced self-soothing program  provides what the experts call resilience and help you move forward more easily.

Thank you for all you do including liking, commenting, or sharing. Kindness blesses the giver and the receiver.

Katherine

Links of interest

 Word Press Daily Prompt

September 5, 2014   Moved to Tears: Do movies, songs, or other forms of artistic expression easily make you cry? Tell us about a recent tear-jerking experience!