Tag Archives: Health

HOW TO LET GO OF PERFECTIONISM – A SNEAKY HYPNOTIST POST

I seek imperfection, for there lies the possibility of  learning, growing, becoming enlightened. Seeking perfection holds me back? How about you?IMPERFECTION QUOTES As with all things, there is good in seeking perfection and bad.  The good? Motivating. The bad? Impossible. More bad? Leads to judging people with a biased heart. More bad?  Can keep people from moving ahead; the checking symptom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder the best example.

Any one who reads my posts knows I have struggled all  my life with a learning disability called Dysgraphia.  Most simply this is a problem with spelling, punctuation, and grammar.  I know how to spell “the” or “not” and any number of longer words.  But when I write “the” can become het, hte, or eth, and “”not can become now, own, ton. Moreover, spell check might catch the misspelling of “the” but not “not.” How did I ever find the gall to think I would become a published author?

Actually,  my learning disability played a big part in my success.  How? One way was by blinding me to perfect writing.  Because my writing was erratic in terms of spelling or grammar, I didn’t stumble and fuss when reading other people’s errors.  I looked for meaning, not perfection.  I read for ideas and became a strong critical thinker.

But that would have not made me a writer without parents who supported “Trying” as a virtue and  “failures” as lessons;  teachers who honored my thoughts more than my spelling errors or  my misplaced commas;  and editors who did not give up on me when I finally put together a book ideas that caught their fancy.

I also was blessed in another way by my learning disability.  The shame that sometimes attached to the disability hardened me to its immobilizing efforts. Shame always wants you to sink into the ground and vanish. I spent many hours alone in front of the black board trying to write a spelling list correctly and failed over and over again.  Filled a perfection seeking teacher with despair, but toughened me in lots of ways.

I had another blessing  in that I was not dyslexic, and learned to read early on and became hypnotized by the adventures that I found in reading.  I still read two or three books a week for the sheer pleasure of escaping from the real world.

Finally, two other things turned me into a published author. First, being a therapist who then leapt into the trenches of life.  How?  By coming not just a foster parent, but probably one of the few foster parents in the world who ended up caring for hundreds of other people’s children.

We cared  mainly for teenagers in trouble with the  law and only as while they were waiting for the court to decide their fates. Some stayed for a few days, most for about six weeks and some for many months.  When leaving us, many of our kids returned to their parent’s care, some went to other foster homes, some to group homes and a few to juvenile lock ups.

Then there was the technology revolution which brought word processing into my life along with spell check and reduced the horror facing editors and others reading what I wrote. Reduced but did not erase. However, I would not be an author without word processing.

Tips for defeating perfectionism. 

Tip one:  As always reality must be part of your thinking.  The purpose of shame – which is the emotional response to feeling imperfect is to keep us from doing the unforgivable – killing, torturing, raping, and oppressing others.  If you are doing any of those things, you need shame to make you stop; you might need therapy, or others to lock you up.  All other shames must be labeled Silly Shame.

Tip two: What you hide speaks often of how shame rules.   Shame as a powerful emotion tells us to sink out of sight when we have done wrong.  Not good when we have done no evil; not good if we are hiding the evil we do.

Tip three: Bringing shame out into the open is often the best step to defeating the power of  Silly Shame. Ashamed of speaking up in meetings or when in a group. Acting as if you are the best public orator in the world might work. Think if each time you act as a dress rehearsal until you no longer need to act.

Tip four: Talking about shame weakens it. That is why some 12 Step programs help, and why confession of sins eases both the shame and the inclination to  behavior badly.

Tip five:Whether you or another are the victim of  shame practice the five in one rule. Five affirmations or compliments for one nasty negative.

Tip six: When you cannot keep from acting on an evil inclination, you must get help from professionals.  Maybe the inclination is not evil, but defined as such by your parents, teachers, or preachers.  then guilt and shame are the problem, not the deed. Only a competent professional can help you sort that out and only if you are honest.

Parenting tips

Parenting tip one.   Children come to shame naturally; remember that and do not buy into the idea that it is only created by parents.

Parenting tip two: Be careful when criticizing  a child. Think and say trying, good enough, learning.

Parenting tip three:  Offset the pain of shame by taking the time to teach your child  to stand up to silly shame.  That starts with labeling a child’s shame as silly or a signal to behavior better.

IMPROVE YOUR CRITICAL THINKING

 LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above,  I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.

Member’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.

Katherine

HOW HOME, SOIL, AND RAIN CREATE PERFECTIONISM – A SNEAKY HYPNOTISM POST

Most ads present you with faux images that  get embedded in your brain and create a false reality.  Remember trances are alternative realities.  Here’s one:

Easy to spot the linking of this product to the future many woman aspire to.  There are several Sneaky Hypnotic tools at play,  but the one we are less aware of is perfectionism.

This weeks posts will all be about enjoying being good enough.  Home and early childhood are where perfectionism finds fertile soil, and when the world outside rains down sneaky hypnotism messages about being perfect, it is easy for self-esteem to erode.  Try the advice on this poster coach to fight back.

perfectionism

IMPROVE YOUR THINKING SKILLS

six Parenting tips

Kids really strive to be perfect and the younger the child, the more often they fail.  For some kids this leads to what is called “learned helplessness.”  Feeling you will never be good enough so you stop trying. For others it create a steady erosion of feeling capable.

The media which promotes perfection needs strong countering from parents.  So here are some tips to do that:.

Parenting tip one: Praise trying more than success.

Parenting tip two: Make it clear everyone has talents and everyone has limits.  Life is  long experiment in discovering what you do best as well as what you cannot do.

Parenting tip three: Talk a bit about luck or chance as part of success. 

Parenting tip four: With the under school age child, talk about all s/he as learned. Ask if the child recalls learning to sit up, walk, or talk.

Parenting tip five: Always code reality.  Take Santa Claus or all forms of fantasy.   Label such things as myths or make-believe.  The  child will not fully understand what you are talking about and  will still enjoy the fantasy; however, s/he but will not be shocked when his or her thoughts change and the meaning of make-believe finally dawns.

Parenting tip six: With a child moving into the teen years or already there promote critical thinking.  Use social media, the words in songs, movies, ads on tv to do so.  encourage critical thinking puzzle solving but make it a fun.

 LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

MY ANSWER TO THE  PROMPT

Apparent in the title of this post. Can you think of another title?

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above,  I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.

Member’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.

Katherine

SIX TIPS TO MAKE AMENDS WHEN YOU FALL PREY TO PROPAGANDA – A SNEAKY HYPNOTISM POST

Ever post or quote something somewhere and then discover later your passion lead you into believing and sharing propaganda.  I just did. Shame on me.

Quotes about propaganda

What was my mistake? Sharing  a post on Facebook without fact checking it first. The post spoke to my heart and I was rushing and fact checking takes time.  Even after being called to task when I tried to  fact check  my efforts only revealed a partial story.

I was ashamed of myself, however. Shame always asks us to hide our flaws. What shame is supposed to do is to keep us from doing the unthinkable. Shame also asks us to hide, to sink from sight, and to keep our wrong doing secret.  Emotional intelligent gurus all say in most cases the way to deal with a negative feeling is to act against its urging.  In terms of shame that means not hiding and admitting when you did wrong.

How the deception worked in this case using a  picture from one story to get you to read a different second story.  The headline made it seem the picture was related to the second story and it was not.  Moreover, when I checked the second story it seemed that the facts in it possibly true, but it was impossible to ferret out the truth.  Sigh.

A friend who  had seen the original picture in their local newspapers and knew the story it related to corrected my version, and did so politely.  Others were not so polite.

Either way  I did what I should have done before sharing. I fact checked  and came up with the how I had let my passions lead me astray.  Then, I re-tracked the post and apologized.

Those who know me well , were supportive and I am grateful for their seeing the whole me and forgiving my mistake.

Tip one: The more your passions are aroused, the more you might be in Sneaky Hypnotism’s control.

Tip two: Practice forgiveness when you or another get caught in passing along propaganda. We all do.

Tip three: Be transparent about your bias.  Anyone who knows me knows I am passionately pro-Israeli and anti-violence. They should also know I do not think defending yourself from killer attacks is violence.

Tip four: Apologize when you err and that means retracking false information as well as saying you are sorry. 

Tip five: Make amends. This post is one of my efforts to do so.

Tip Six:  As always work to improve your critical thinking skills. 

IMPROVE YOUR THINKING SKILLS

Applying this WordPress daily prompt to today’s post   Easy Fix  – Write a post about any topic you wish, but make sure it ends with “And all was right in the world.”  See my answer at the bottom of this post.

PARENTING TIPs

Parenting tip one: Teach you children critical thinking skills and do so being aware of age and stage. This previous post details some ways to do that.

Parenting tip two: Teach your children to take responsiblity for their mistakes. Mistakes are for learning.

Parenting tip three: Teach your children to how to apologize,

Parenting tip four: Teach your children how to practice forgiveness.

Parenting tip five: Teach your children  how to  make amends. 

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above I often fail. I am not perfect, not one is and that is the subject of Monday’s blog post.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

MY ANSWER TO THE  PROMPT  Easy Fix

Ending any activity with the hope that all will be right with the world is useful and dangerous.  Useful because it build hope and comforts. Dangerous because it can lead to ignoring and not working on what needs to happen to make wrongs right.

 

TIP FOR THINKING ABOUT WHAT MATTERS – SNEAKY HYPNOTISM POST

#emotionalintelligence #parentingtips #fitness

Having purpose and a sense of mission keeps you on track and less vulnerable to the ploys and strategies of the not so good Sneaky Hypnotists

IMPROVE YOUR THINKING SKILLS

Applying this WordPress daily prompt to today’s post   Fireside Chat: What person whom you don’t know very well in real life — it could be a blogger whose writing you enjoy, a friend you just recently made, etc. — would you like to have over for a long chat in which they tell you their life story?

See my answer at the bottom of this post.

Parenting tip

Parenting is hard work and the rewards not really available during the day to day struggles unless you make a major effort to enjoy the good times. The bad times  all too easily hypnotize you into being burdened instead of fulfilled. Seeing a happy future for you and your child is a useful tool.

As thinking about the future is a trance state, this is a good reminder that trances and Sneaky Hypnotism is neither good or bad, but a tool to be used for either.

A tool for getting through the hard times: use his hypnotizing slogan, “Now is not forever.”

Also make a conscious effort to hold onto  memories of the good times.  I survived a”cranky don’t sleep child” by watching him when he finally fell asleep. Doing so built up loving  memories.

For more about meaning making and to refine your own mission think about reading my eBook Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals. It costs less than a latte.

You can download any of my books  to your computer with Amazon’s Kindle Application .  It is free and lets you read on your computer, smartphone, or tablet.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult, relationships painful, dreams lost. Staying strong and practicing the Daily Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises keeps me better able to practice deliberate kindness.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a live coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

MY ANSWER TO THE FIRE SIDE CHAT PROMPT

So many, so I refuse to single our one. Who wouldn’t like to chat with Abe Lincoln, Samuel Clemons, Martin Luther King, Jr,  Hillel, Jesus, Maimonides, Gandi, Thick Nah Hanh,  So I feel blessed that I can read their words and be with them in thought if not by the fireplace I do not have.