Tag Archives: Health

How to Use Memories to Stay Strong

Memories serve to keep us safe. As Mark Twain noted no cat sits twice on a hot stove — that also means no cat sits on a cold stove.  More to think about:

Quotes about memories

Emotional Fitness Training is designed to keep negative feelings from controlling. Memories trigger feelings, some good, some bad. Looking for the lessons  found  in your bad memories marks you as emotionally fit,  what others call Emotional Intelligence.

Memory books strengthening  your ability to find the lessons bad times bring. Here is a quick Emotional Fitness Training look at Memory Books.


Everyone and parents in particular.

If you are a parent, try to make a family memory book.  Start with creating your own book and encourage your child’s other parent to do the same. Build on those two as you create a Family Memory Book.

Some parents start their child’s memory book, but as soon as the child can, he or she should be part of creating his own memory book as well as contributing to the larger family memory book if one is being kept.


Start with a memory box. Use it to gather items that you think might  belong in a memory book (like party invitations, pictures, various reports, notes, etc).

Do not collect only happy memories. As Stephen Levine author of A Year to Live, noted “Simply touching a difficult memory with some slight willingness to heal begins to soften the holding and tension around it. (74)”

When going through a trauma put items in the box that can be used to make a memory page at some later date when the pain is less and you want to hold on to the good.

Establish a routine for making memory book pages.  Some devote one evening a month to sorting through the boxes and making one or two memory pages; others make it birthday, holiday, after a vacation or other special event activity


 Review it off and on. When making a new page is a good time to flip through it quickly. Focus particularly on the good memories. Those are the ones you want to strengthen.

To so with full awareness.  That is done by meditating before and after the exercise.  Sound too difficult?  Not once you have learned and practiced  EFT’s One Minute Meditation.

Do not neglect bad times, particularly the  bad times  that have  you reeling and not able to do much but crawl ahead. While enduring a bad time try to call up a similar bad time you survived and hold it in your heart as tiy sat  “I am a survivor, and I will survive this.”

Once you can function a bit normally, write about this bad time and add it to your memory book. Doing so moves the healing forward.

However, do not dwell on the bad endlessly.  One of the problems with talk therapy is that it focuses often on just the bad stuff. Good for a time when the bad stuff first occurs.  Not good if not  used to learn lessons and reaffirm you strength and let you move on.


Please Practice Kindness by sharing all you find of value on the internet including this post.  All here crave recognition.

A like says “Thank You.”

Comments say you have read and thought about the post.

Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness bless you.

Stay strong, it is not always easy.


This post was inspired by this WordPress Daily Prompt: Memory on the Menu by Ben Huberman Which good memories are better — the recent and vivid ones, or those that time has covered in a sweet haze?


These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.



6 and More Ways to Bring Kindness To Your World

Kindness is the strongest proof of Karma as every bit act of kindness enriches you. Why it is a major Emotional Fitness  Training Exercise.

Ways to practice kindness

Emotional Fitness Training Tips

Emotional Fitness Training Tip One:  While I admire Random Acts of Kindness,  deliberate acts strengthen you moreDr Anders Ericsson said in the early 1990 that it takes 10,000 hours (20 hours for 50 weeks a year for ten years = 10,000)  what he called  deliberate practice to become an expert in almost anything.  While many have since disputed his claim, it is clear mega stars in almost every field prove his point.

Some good news: EFTI promotes starring in your life, not on the stage or the athletic playing field.  Good enough gets you there when it comes to everyday life. However, go here to learn how to be more deliberate in your practice of anything.  Here are ideas for practicing kindness deliberately.


Emotional Fitness Training Tip Two: Teach practicing kindness to all the children you know; I do not mean just chronological children.

Teaching kindness to children

Emotional Fitness Training Tip Three: Complain for others. Here’s an example. Sometimes I need to use the motorized shopping carts most large stores provide. I knew I needed on a very hot day even though I was only picking up a few items. The store had three such carts, not one of them worked. Although I just wanted to beat it out of there, I complained to the manager.

Sad to say I was told, the company they hired to provide the chairs gave lousy service. Not a helpful answer, so when I got home I wrote a letter of complaint to the company. Not a big act of kindness and partly for me, but what I mean by complaining for others.  You may have noticed I do some of that on Social Media.

A final poster coach  that should be in every classroom and  public forum. Well at least in my not-so-humble opinion.

Emotional Fitness Poster reminding you to Practice Kindness

As all the sages across all the ages and as today’s researchers know practicing kindness is the express lane to the good life.

This  post was prompted by this WordPress Daily Prompt: The Kindness of Strangers by Ben Huberman.  When was the last time a stranger did something particularly kind, generous, or selfless for you? Tell us what happened!

When I was trying  to make the mobilized shopping cart work as described above, a lovely man and his teenage daughter stopped to help. Didn’t get the cart working, but prompted me to complain as a way of passing the kindness forward.


Remember to share and care all you find of value on the internet.  All here crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness bless you.



These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.


Three Tips for Making the Best of All Advice

Everyone tells everyone else what to do or tries to. I do, but like more than half of all  people, I rarely do all I am advised to do; nor, do I follow my own advice.

Advice is for you, not me


Wise physicians know that most patients do not follow their advice. One study showed that less than 60% of patients took medication as prescribed. I don’t. Moreover, I think I know more about how my body responds than my doctors know.

I believe our bodies are individually designed chemical laboratories; each responds differently to different medications. Codeine would kill me; statins destroy my brain. The doctors listen to me about the codeine, but are less enthusiastic about my refusal to take statins, once I tried them for a few days. Then there is a heart medicine I refer to as f—–itall; that one sent me spiralling into depressions dark pit.

On the other hand penicillin saved my life when I was a child and had an attack of rheumatic fever. I am grateful for that and grateful for all the advances medical research has made. That said, it is my body and therefore my responsibility to  collaborate with my doctors in figuring out what works best.


Emotional Fitness Training tip one: Advice givers sometimes know more than you know. Moreover, the more you think you know, the more you need to think about what you do not know.   So listen to advice with what the Buddhist’s call a Beginner’s Mind.

Emotional Fitness Training tip two: Experiment. As fitness coach Victoria Moran suggests, “….experiment until you find activities that make you happy as well as healthy. Choose your exercise using the same criteria you’d apply to choosing a date–that is, attractive to you and able to hold your interest for an hour.”

Emotional Fitness Training tip three: Try not to preach to the choir when giving advice.  Few things about advice turn me and others off than being told things already tried. Best to ask a few questions first.

  • The first: Are you needing to vent or do you want to hear some advice from me.
  • The second: Before offering your advice ask “What have you done to deal with this?” Then you must listen so you do not tell them something they have tried and found useless.


Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it?  Comment and tell me why and how to improve

Thank you.


This blog post  was inspired by this WordPress DAILY PROMPT —Take It From Me. What’s the best piece of advice you’ve given someone that you failed to take yourself?

My answer is above, but let me add, I advise people to “Move Your Body” as one of my Daily Twelve Easy Exercises and that is the hardest for me to do and at least two or three  days a week I do not follow the  advice I give others.


These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

6 Tip For Thriving When Things Change

Seasons change, feelings change, beliefs change. How you greet change, how you think about it, makes easy or difficult to deal with.

Emotional Fitness Training poster coach about change

Some changes creep up on us. For those of a certain age, there probably came a day when you looked in a mirror or caught your reflection and thought, “Who is that old person?” only to realize it was you.

Then there are the times past expectations keep us from seeing change. My husband shaved off his mustache once, and after three days of asking me if I liked the change, he had to point it out to me. I didn’t see it.

Finally, there are the traumatic life experiences that change us painfully and quickly. 9/11 was that type of change for many. Also why there are few atheists in fox holes.

But smaller events can also produce mega-change. The brain changes of adolescent quickly turn  many young people from obedient, parent-worshiping children to contrary,” You cannot tell me anything”  young people. You know

that has happened when your pre-teen or teen no longer want to be seen with you. The brain changes allow one to see reality more clearly, but also to compare past teaching with their current view of reality. In the child’s mind, parents suddenly seem stupid, liars, or power-hungry.

Notice I do not say these  changing brains of puberty  turn all teens into adults. That is a slower process. For some it never occurs.  For many it emerges after a few years of living on their own. For others it only comes when they become parents.

When change is as fast as a NASCAR racers, it might be exciting and fun. However, when change brings you to your knees or knocks you  out, those times “Life Blows” and what  the experts call them traumas.

When a Life Blow strikes you down, going on will be a struggle, but if you look back over your life,  you will see you have survived the worse of times.  Honoring surviving past life blows strengthens your ability to go on.

As you think about the past, remember that Life Blows, need not be life threatening, but all hurt, are beyond your ability to control, and change your beliefs.  Here are a few examples that meet that description but are not physically painful or life threatening:

  • Being shunned because of your nationality, religion, or skin color.
  • Being bullied even mildly
  • Betrayal by a friend
  • Realizing your parents are not perfect
  • Failing in school

Part of surviving such blows is realizing you are dealing with a Life Blow. Then these tips help.

Emotional training tip one: do what you can as you can. Be patient; time does not heal all wounds but usually we mend enough in the broken places to go on.

Emotional training tip two:  As always take  good care of your body, Life Blows weaken our physical beings making it essential to do all the things your mother and doctor say keep you healthy.

Emotional training tip three:  Examine how a Life Blow has changed your view of the world. Life blows challenge our deepest beliefs. Explains why there are no atheists in fox holes.   James Garbarino says trauma reveals what he calls the  three secret trauma reveals.

The first secret: Each human is vulnerable, our bodies can be hurt, our hearts betrayed, and death comes when it will, not when we want.

The second secret: Love and a caring community cannot always keep us safe. No matter how we are loved and live in what seems to be a safe place, we are still subject to hurt and death.

The third secret: humans are capable of great savagery, can be easily  manipulated to inflict Life Blows on others. This is as true of you as of others.

I would add to the third that those who are truly good and kind have been very blessed, but also cursed. Why cursed? Because they will follow the rules of kindness and the more truly evil will not.

Emotional training tip four: Remember what matters.  As both the sages and the researchers agree, while evil often seems to triumph the good life really lies in being kind and treating others as you want to be treated. Do not let hurt or the advertisers convince you other wise.

Emotional training tip five: Focus on the good.  How? Laugh, play, and create t. Make one of your  creations a memory book. Include a few bad memories to accentuate the reality that life is not all good times. Those pages will also honor surviving.

Emotional fitness training tip five: If you  life is one of constant physical or emotional pain get the best possible care. . Emotional Fitness Tips augment, but do not replace competent professional help.

Emotional fitness training tip six: Learn acceptance of what you cannot control. One of the best sources of practical help for both acute and chronic suffering is Marsha Linehan’s work, particularly her thoughts on Radical Acceptance. 

I was once accused of stealing her ideas, but that was before I had even heard of her.  The criticism pushed me to learn about her and to attend a training lead by her. I saw why I was thought to be plagiarizing her and felt honored by the comparison.

The fact is when we suffer,  we are the ones who need to deal with it alone or with help from those who care and in some situations professionals.

This post was inspried by this WordPress Daily Prompt Turn, Turn, Turn: Seasons change so quickly! Which one do you most look forward to? Which is your least favorite?

Following my own advice, I try to enjoy the good in each season, work to find the beauty each brings and to accept the not so good.


Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it?  Comment and tell me why and how to improve.



These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.