Tag Archives: Inspiration

Three Tools Used by Talented Procrasinators

How talented procrastinators turn “To Do’s” into “Done.”

Joking aside, knowing when and how to procrastinate keeps your “To Do” list from ruling you. Procrastination is a skill and skills are learned tools for living the good life.  The following emotional fitness tips highlight the best tools of the Professional Procrastinator: Knowing what matters, practicing imperfection, and having strong self-soothing skills.

Emotional fitness tip one: Know what matters. What matters most is doing your best to bring Peace on Earth. Not what the advertizers and sales people want you to believe. Dis-satisfaction creates sales opportunities.

However, working to make the world a better place is  what both the sages of the ages and the modern researchers know leads to  the good life. Doing so is what Emotional Fitness Training means by The Mission.

Using rating scales keeps you focused most clearly on what matters.  Anything and everything can be rated. Here is proof of that:

A Rating Scale

The simplest way to work toward Peace on Earth is to practice kindness and gratitude.  Every time you sincerely thank someone for what they do for you and others makes them appreciated and that is what all seek.

I make it a point to thank all the police, servicemen and garbage collectors I meet when  out and about. I also find something nice to say to those who serve me fast food or ring up my groceries, hold a door for me, or in any other way give me a gift of kindness.  The smiles I get in return warm me.

Emotional fitness tip two: Practice Imperfection.  This aids in holding to The Mission. No one person can bring Peace on Earth.  However, every person can bring a bit of peace to the bit of earth they occupy.   That requires thinking not perfect, but “Good enough” or “The best I can do right now.”

Practicing imperfection is easier if one takes the time to focus on the small acts that you can do easily and well enough to make a difference. Across all ages various sages have known and preached this:

Lao Tzu said: Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Then there was body builder Charles Atlas who said, “Step by step and the thing is done.”

Then along came Warren Buffet who made billions and noted, “I don’t look to jump over 7-foot bars: I look around for 1-foot bars that I can step over.”

Finally, more recently Thich Nhat Hanh also suggests the smallest step mattered, “Every breath we take, every step we make, can be filled with peace, joy and serenity.”

Worry not about doing things perfectly, just do what you can the best you can, but always with the greater good in mind.

Emotional fitness tip three: Strengthen self soothing skills.  Practicing Imperfection and holding to the Mission are not easily accomplished tasks.  EFTI’s eBook    Self-soothing, Creating Calm in You Life, is this blog post’s sale pitch.  Remember EFTI’s eBooks all cost less than a movie, most less than a latte.  Also remember you can get a tool from Amazon that lets you read any eBook sold there in a desktop or Ipad or cell phone.  Here is a free and  quick introduction to Emotional Fitness Training Easy Exercises.

Parenting tip

As usual practice all of the above, then teach each skill to your child as appropriate to her or his age and stage. The best way to start is teaching your child how to rate things as soon as s/he begins to toodle; then each hurtful fall becomes a teachable moment.  Go here for a related  Parents Are People Blog post.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it?  Comment and tell me why and how to improve.

Thank you.

Katherine

POST INSPIRATION:  This  WordPress Prompt which was:  Those Dishes Won’t Do Themselves: What’s the household task you most dislike doing? Why do you think that is — is it the task itself, or something more?

The something more relates to this post which is the failure when I procrastinate of someone else – hubby for example, to step up to the plate and to it for me. My solution with it comes to many a house hold task is to practice imperfection and calming self-talk.

Links of INterest

 

 

 

 

HOW TO FIND THE GOOD LIFE BY PRACTICING IMPERFECTION

EMOTIONAL FITNESS training TIPS

Emotional fitness tip one: Practice imperfection. Think good enough, when obsessed with getting anything a bit more perfect.  Use “Good enough” as a mantra.

Emotional fitness tip two: Rate how near enough is good enough.  Here’s the Rating Scale poster.

Rating scale poster

Emotional fitness tip three: Improve your ability to see when perfectionism is playing a part in your life.  Challenge delusions of perfection on the media and in real life.  Look for twisted thinking in all media.  Look for people seeking perfection and say gently, “Good enough seem best in this situation” or something to that effect.

Emotional fitness tip four:  Continue to pursue the best you can be. We need goals and ideals are part of setting a goal. However, all goals must be based on a realistic picture of your abilities. If you sing off tune, you will not become the next Voice or American Idol.

Emotional fitness tip five: Focus on your life’s mission rather than the everyday goals that might not matter in the long run. Think about buying my ebook How to Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals. It will cost you $2.99 which is less than a latte and a bit more important in living the good life.

Parenting advice

Delusions of perfection are particularly painful because it taps into childhood’s reservoir of shame. According to  Jerome Kagan, human development specialist, children struggle with shame as they enter the threes. That is when children realize while  powerless over some things, they are quite capable of doing the unthinkable over younger or weaker beings.

For a three-year old the unthinkable is the desire to do away with the people who keep you from doing what you want.  The only ones you have power over at that age are younger siblings and small animals.  Kagan points out a strong counter emotion is needed to keep from acting on violent impulses which is why shame emerges at this particular age and stage.

Also at that age any failure to do something perfectly creates shame, not being good enough.  Shame is all about having to be perfect and fearing other people’s response when you are imperfect.

First parenting tip: Say “Good try” twice as often as you say “Try harder.”

Second parenting tip: If you child is engaged in competitive sports, counter The Winning is everything mentality with “Having fun is winning even when you lose.”

Third parenting tip: Teach rating scales early on.

Fourth parenting tip: With those moving into the changing thoughts of adolescence engage in conversations about what matters, sweating the small stuff.

Fifth parenting tip:  Children of all ages can be caught up in perfectionism.  Be alert to the possibility a child perfectionism is leading to the mental health disorder called  OCD. Here is a handout, I used when teaching a Challenging Children Course.

OCD quidelines

This is an information guide, if you are worried, about a child talk to a competent mental health professional, share this handout with him or her.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it?  Comment and tell me why and how to improve.

Thank you.

Katherine

POST INSPIRATION from this Word Press Daily Post Prompt: Idyllic – what does your ideal community look like? How is it organized, and how is community life structured? What values does the community share?

Obviously, I want an imperfect but good enough community that practices tolerance and is kind to all. Stay strong all and remember what matters.

 LINKS OF INTEREST

FIGHTING FOR TRUTH AND JUSTICE? THINK ABOUT THIS

If the news of the day was still going out in smoke signals, truth and justice would still be in the hands of the powerful, but there is progress. Do you agree?
Truth and justice

QUICK EMOTIONAL FITNESS TRAINING TIP

Don’t give up the fight, but don’t slip over the line that divides seeking good for all from revenge. When one is hurt, our hearts and feelings command us to fight back or run away.  There is a middle ground: staying safe and working in every way in your power to right the wrong of oppression any way you can.

Parenting tip: Teach your children both manners and the basics of self-defense. Here is the best self-defense approach for doing both:  Peace DoJo International. And a quote:

 “A Peace Dojo engages in rigorous and deliberate training practices to develop the capacity for skillful, healing action and the courage of heart needed to face the fear and violence in oneself and in the world.”

If you live in the New York City area seek out Bill Leicht 212-228-0980 for information about programs near you. Most are reasonably priced and scholarships are available.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Thank you.

Katherine

POST INSPIRATION not from this Daily Posts PromptCurrent events and the war between good and evil engendered there in. However,  I did make it fit a bit in the following:

Here is the prompt:   Your Life, the Book:From a famous writer or celebrity, to a WordPress.com blogger or someone close to you — who would you like to be your biographer?

My blogging is my auto biography and as for a celebrity to take it on as a biography? Well, Oprah was the first name that came to mind. I was on her show once as an expert in the audience and she brought me down.

View the video and watch her body language. She was not happy with me although I think my advice was good and we are more alligned then not. But she was worried about her image. Here right, and I do understand that. So she need not do a book, maybe just comment nicely on my obituary.  That would be my version of Restorative Justice

Restorative Justice is a movement that started in South Africa.  Here is a quote about the problem of justice which is world wide.

Over-representation of minorities in the criminal justice system is a problem around the world. It raises questions about the fairness of the justice system itself and of how larger social justice problems influence the justice system.

Other LINKS OF INTEREST

 

BETRAYED? HOW TO HOLD ON TO THE GOOD

Everyone betrays someone even those they love the most. Forgiveness remains the only way out of the hell of hatred betrayal creates.

FORGIVENESS

You betray, I betray, we all betray. You betray when you violate a contract that causes deep pain or conflict to the other person or people affected. The contract can be presumed or verbal agreed to  or written and signed by both parties.

Do you remember the first time you felt betrayed by someone you loved? Parents are usually the first, but what feels like parental  betrayal is not recognized  by the very young as such.

Why?  Because children believe  do not have the sense of fairness required to correctly label a betrayal.  Might makes right rules their world.  It is when we hit our teens, that we can contemplate more abstract ideas like what is fair and realize we have been betrayal.

When I was a teen my best friend went after a boy she know I was interested in.

“Not fair,” I cried.

“All’s fair in love and war,” she replied.

Perhaps that should not be “All’s fair.”  Howver, the lesson I took from this betrayal was that people are such that they will always seek their heart’s need whether it is fair or not.  My friend might have chosen to leave the field clear for me, then she would have betrayed her heart.  A conundrum. Betraying others is part of being human, not the best part but often an understandable one. Our friendship survived because her explanation made sense to me at the time and we were able to talk about it.

Sometimes we betray out of weakness, sometimes out of strength, mostly due to conflicting needs, but in time we all betray. Even the most loving couples eventually face death and that is life’s ultimate betrayal.

Emotional fitness tip one: The betrayals  of those we love starts when we lie to ourselves or to the loved one.  There is a phenomena amoug marriage counselors known as  “Runaway wives.”  Husband do it too.  It starts with not being honest about who you are and your feelings.

Emotional fitness tip three: Know yourself, so you can be honest about your needs. Betrayal is often kindness or conflict avoidance taken too far.

Emotional fitness tip four:  Don’t let hurts fester. forgiveness requires a philosophy that softens hatred through understanding. My father hated and feared conflict; he was the shining example of “If you cannot say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” He also managed not to let what hurt him about my mother fester.

How did he do that?  At  some point in his life he apparently decided to forgo revenge and to let go of hate. He did this by the belief  the other person would suffer more in the long run.  Bishop Tutu’s definition of forgiveness is not seeking revenge. My father had never heard of Tutu, but was wise, however, also letting his need for peace rule him and not always to his benefit.

Emotional fitness tip five: Forgiveness cannot be practiced when emotional and physical safety have no been not established. Physical assault,  whether the torture of oppressive regimes, child, or partner abuse is the easiest example of the need for safety; ongoing emotional abuse is less easily defined, but is unrelenting blaming, coldness and attacking the others self-worth.

Emotional fitness tip six: Learn and practice the art of forgiveness.

PARENTING TIPS

Divorce is one  way parents betray children into today’s world of easy come and easy go marriage.  But there are lots of other ways.  As noted above even those who love you the most betray. I remember when I finally figured out my father, the only person I worshiped well into adulthood and who I  know loved me unconditionally,  had betrayed me.

How? My mother was given to horrible pre-menstrual temper tantrums. I was often her victim. To her credit she never got physically violent, but her emotional outbursts sent me to my room weeping uncontrollable. In time she would calm down and my father would come and reunite the two of us.  How was that betrayal?

I don’t think he could have stopped her rages, but he could have told  know it was her problem, that she was wrong but at the mercy of her own needs.  That would have made all the difference to me. It was a therapist who helped me understand that and so forgive and go on. My father did the best he could, so did my Mom, and so do all of us.

There are times, however when the best is just not enough to keep us from betraying those we love.  What to do?

Parenting tip one: Betray as little as possible. Practicing kindness helps.

Parenting tip two: Own up when you are betraying another. As always your behavior models what your children follow most strongly.

Parenting tip three:  Try to do better.  If you cannot  do better, own that you are at fault.  The most common way out of the guilt of knowing we are hurting another is finding fault with the other  — the blame game.  Children of divorce say the bad mouthing or arguing and blaming of the other parent hurt more than the  divorce.

Parenting tip four: Teach your children life is not fair, betrayals happen.

Parenting tip five:  Teach your children to practice kindness, the art of apologizing, and how to forgive.

Parenting tip six: Improve your child’s self soothing skills.

improve your critical thinking skills

DAILY PROMPT  Undo: If you could un-invent something, what would it be? Discuss why, potential repercussions, or a possible alternative.

If I could undo anything, it would be the very human need to put on what I call a faux self.  We have many selves and our faus selves are often attempts to be kind or to avoid conflict. Understandable, but in the long run you betray yourself and often others.  Why learning to be who you are, say what needs saying, but not saying it means matters most.

Your ideas?

LINKS OF INTEREST

BE KIND TO ME

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same.

This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars –Not good enough to rate; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find some good every day..

Katherine