Tag Archives: Inspiration

How to Make Super Nice – Sharing Secondhand Praise

Face to  face compliments are easily discounted, particularly those from parents or to bosses. Passing on another’s  praise is not so easily brushed aside.



All parents should read this post. Why? Well, I knew my youngest was entering the teen years although he was only eleven. How?  I praised him and he groaned.

Then he said: “You’re just my Mom.”

Ouch, but some  good side, for it hinted that he might believed I loved him despite any bad behavior. Down side, he was now discounting compliments. Not good for self-esteem and meant he might be missing out on lots of other compliments.

So parents, look for the nice things others say about your child and pass them on.

Bosses and all others in authority also discount compliments and because many people make nice to “suck” up. The boss above may  have missed or discouned sincere compliments. Again, passing along second-hand praise works best as a compliment.

Emotional fitness training Tip

Emotional fitness tip one: Always, and I mean always, pass on second-hand compliments or praise.  (Well, maybe not about”How much stronger the local bully is than you are” when he is trying to pick a fight.)

Otherwise, pass on every nice thing you hear another person saying about someone you know. The old chewing gum motto “Doubles the flavor, doubles the fun,”   triples the value of praise.  Three people profit:  you, the person you share the praise with, and the original complimentor.

Emotional fitness tip two:  Be sure to remark on how you agree with the original compliment.

Emotional fitness tip three:  Whether sharing a first or second-hand compliment if brushed off, I always, say something like “I mean what I say, take it in.”  That is not so necessary when you can find some secondhand praise to pass on but if the compliment gets shrugged off, a good strategy.


Sincere compliments are a way to practice deliberate kindness.  Second-hand compliments extend the kindness.  Kindness is one of the Daily Twelve Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises and compliments are one way to go down the kindness path.

When I walked the mean streets of the Bronx and Manhatten, I got great pleasure from complimenting strangers and from their response I felt praised and grateful for the  smile and thank you I got in return.

Here is one of my EFTI Free Poster Coaches about practicing kindness.

Practice Kindness Emotional Fitness Poster Coach

Thank you for all you do including liking, commenting, or sharing. Kindness is blesses the giver and the receiver.




As noted above, this inspired me to write about second-hand compliments. However, I also recall overhearing two friends saying,”Her face lights up when she smile.”  I don’t know if they were talking about me, but some part of my heart thought they were and that off-hand over heard comment, erased the shyness created by an over bite.  I smiled more and as smiles make you happy as well as who you smile at happy, I was not the only one benefitting..

EFTI Free stuff

Browse the EFTI store for a free downloads of emotional fitness tips, exercises, quotes all designed to improve your #emotionalintelligence. The poster coaches are best used printed up in color on card stock and then posted where seen often and serving as you personal staying strong, emotional fitness  coach.

If you down-load someof our poster coaches, please think about make a donation, via a tip. We are not for profit but only because we make no profit, not because we are tax deductible. Tips  are our way of asking for help.


But not at your boss. Post with laughs about people living in a world of their own.  Particularly bad to do at a job.   First a cartoon by jokideo.com

Slower drivers are idiots and faster driver asr naniacs.

Now for a joke on the same topic of living in your own world that makes me laugh a bit every time I read it. Not about work, but maybe the people who got angry were  afraid they will not get to work on time.

Definitely about what matters, and that is not getting locked into thinking you know what others are thinking, and that what matters to you, matters to all.

Thank you High School Friend Jack Simcox for this one. And thank whoever posted it for Jack to find and share.  Here it is:

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes to her granddaughter who is away at college.
Dear Granddaughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker .
I was feeling particularly “sassy” that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ‘For the love of God!’
‘Go! Go! Go!  Jesus Christ, GO!’
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked  your brother who was in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
Your brother  burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
                                                                                Love, Grandma

 EMOTional Fitness thoughts and tip

I know most of you laughed.  If you didn’t laugh, you are in the midst of a major life blow or too rigidly defending your beliefs (think about killing someone for a political cartoon or at a lessor level think about being annoyed by grammar or spelling errors).

Read on for here is a quick and hopefully funny test of your emotional intelligence or ability to handle negative emotions and stress,  what I call Emotional fitness.

If you did not find this a bit humorous that is another sign mad, bad, and sad feelings need taming.

This is not a research based test. No EFTI test is, and it is no different than 99.9% of the other tests oall the others socso take it with a grain of salt.

The purpose of all EFTI tests is to encourage thinking mostly about what matters, but also about you in order to strengthen what the experts call “self- awareness.”  Self-awareness is an important #emotionalintelligence tool, something the grandmother in the joke about lacked.

The other important thing about the above test is to use it to measure the seriousness of a life blow and your progress toward moving ahead. When we normally have a sense of humor and it flees that is a sign of a life blow. When laughter returns, you are on your way again but not back to life as it was. Life blows lead to a new normal, not the old one.

Not a life blow but a big downer for many of the young remains not having a jobs or having one they hate. This Cranky Old Grandmothers wishes instead of telling our youth to pursue the job of their dreams, which sets expectations way to high, we had said:

“Pursue your dreams, but remember work is what you get paid to do. Do it well, and you may earn enough to make your dreams come true.”

Other tips, when possible  laugh as often and as loudly as you can but heed these two warnings:

  1. Do not laugh at the boss even behind his or her back with a fellow employee who seems to feel as you do. The job you lose may be yours.
  2. Do not to indulge in cruel jokes. Many are funny, but encourage hatred or scorn of others. Bad.  What if your boss tells such jokes.  Smile to save your job, but intensify your effort to work somewhere else and when you are set in your new job, tell that boss and the one who bosses him or her why you left the job.

A tip for when you find it hard to laugh:

As I age and as my dream that Emotional Fitness might have some monetary success, laughing is harder. Moreover, remembering what matters and watching many in the world  retreating to hating of different, at times I feel guilty looking for something to laugh about.

However,  as they remind you on airplanes, you need to gather in oxygen for yourself, before reaching out to others.  Laughter in these dark times does not provide as much of a boost as it does when times are better; life, but even in high altitudes where there is less oxygen one  needs to keep breathing. So it is with seeking out laughter.

As a social media addict, it is easier to find and I easier to share. Go to my Laugh and Play Pinterest page and see if what I share there gives you a giggle or two.

When nothing else works, I visit a Laughing  Yoga clip on You Tube.  Here’s one.


Practicing a daily emotional fitness program strengthens you for making it through the bad times.   Moreover, such programs  improve your relationship with yourself and well as with others.

Why do  I think mine are Gold Medal Winners? Two reasons and not just because  they are easy to practice  once learned.

You can practice each one multiple times every day. The more you practice the easier each becomes a healthy habit.

When learned and strengthened, each exercise soothes when stress starts to try to take over your brain.

For all you do to share and care, thank you.  If you like what I say “clap your hands and show it” meaning share, like, or comment, you will help at least two people — me and you, but  hopefully you will also help some others. 


This post was inspired by this Word Press Daily Post Prompt:  If money were out of the equation, would you still work? If yes, why, and how much? If not, what would you do with your free time?

Lucky me, I am retireed, but find I work just as hard. Two things drive me. Trying to make the world around me better is always first. Then, I would like to make a bit of money with EFTI.  That’s a laugh or so it seems, nevertheless, I laugh on.

Related links of interest


Get a free digital download of the Ten Signs You Are Too Stressed here .


Best Friend

Inspired by  Word Press’s DAILY PROMPT On Bees and Efs – Do you — or did you ever — have a Best Friend? Yes and here is the first and longest lasting.

Best friend.

This friendship started in Kindergarten, these pics are from jr high and high school

I am so lucky to have had this friend.  Wish I had pictures from Kindergarten, but WWII was raging then and don’t think much time was devoted in either of our families to taking pictures.

She taught me many lessons and and keeps me growing still as we both move toward our eighties.  She knows who she is.  Wonder if her children and grandchildren who are facebook friends of mine will recognize her.


Be thankful or all friends.  Let them know you care and are grateful for all they have given you.  Forgive and ask for forgiveness.  Love on.

Practice kindness, work every way you can to abolish hate.  Help me do the same by  liking, sharing, or commenting.


Image by Emotional Fitness Training Inc.


Thank God It Is Friday

Word Press asks “What’s your favorite daily ritual?”   The Shabbat.  How is that daily? Thinking about it looking forward to it, preparing for it, savoring it.

The Lyrics
I gotta feeling that tonights gonna be a good night
That tonights gonna be a good night
That Shabbats gonna be a good, good night (4x)

Tonights the night, Lets Live it up
No Need for money, Lets save it up
Go out and dance it, Like oh my god
Jump off the Sofa, Turn TV off, off

I know that well have a ball
If we get down and go out and just lose it all
I feel stressed out, I wanna let it go
Lets go home and eat a huge matzo ball

Lets do it, lets do it, lets do it
Lets do it, lets do it, lets do it
Live it up

I gotta feeling that tonights gonna be a good night
That tonights gonna be a good night
That Shabbats gonna be a good, good night

Fill up my cup, mazaltov
Look at her lighting, Shell bless it up
Friends all around, Lets turn that frown
Shabbat each Friday and so well do it again

Here we come, Here we go, We got our challah
Easy come, easy go, you betta Holla! Holla!
Family Talk, Body Rock, Rock it dont stop
Round and round, up and down, around the clock

Oh what a feeling oh tonight was such a good night
Oh tonight was such a good night
On Shabbat I had a good, good night.
Gosh I cant believe I get to do this every Friday night.

Emotional Fitness Thoughts

I am old enough to remember the ad that recommended “The pause that refreshes.”

Shabbat is that for observant Jews.  Observing the Shabbat is the fourth of the Ten Commandments.  I often think of how the value of Shabbat grows in proportion to the work requirements of the days. Jews could not demand work of employees  or in ancient time of slaves or animals on Shabbat. Jews were required to set slaves free after seven years of servitude.  Many asked to remain slaves.

Non-Jews are not expected to observe all Ten Commandments.  But if they observed the Seven Laws of Noah were  as valued by God as Jews who observed all The Ten Commandments and the other 613 laws Jews chose to obey and were chosen to obey – hence the name “Chosen people.”

Not a Jew? Here is what the God of my understanding expects of you as spelled out in the Noahic Laws:

  1. Don’t worship idols. Think money, things as well as graven images.
  2. Don’t  murder. Not  killing, for all have the right to defend themselves.
  3. Don’t steal.
  4. Don’t engage in sexually immoral behaviors.
  5. Don’t blasphemy.
  6. Don’t eat the flesh taken from an animal while it is still alive.
  7. Do  maintain fair and just courts.

Many see the Jewish God as a dark and gloomy one.  Many see all gods that way. I prefer to think whatever God exists is patiently waiting for humankind to commit to observing the Seven Laws of Moses and so bring peace on earth.  I think that God must weep at our behavior, but that hope and patience are stronger in that God than in mankind.


Too bad  observing the Shabbat has been left off that list. However, doing so is a choice and that is today’s Emotional Fitness Tip. Create a Shabbat Day for yourself and your family.  Minimally, set aside a lengthy period of time to turn off the world of work, buying, connecting electronically. Use that time to be with family, friends, and nature or other sources of beauty and inspiration. Turning off and tuning out parts of  the world will be hard at first, but the more you try, the easier it gets and in time leads to living the good life.

Here is today’s Free Poster Coach.  It teaches The Be With Beauty Exercise.

Be with beauty emotionalfitness exercise.

As always thank you for all you do to Practice Kindness, a major emotional intelligence boosting practice. Liking, commenting, or sharing any social media you find helpful is one way to be kind. It may seem like a little, however, doing a little matters a lot.


EFTI’s poster coaches are free digital downloads designed to  improve Emotional Intelligence. Best printed up in color on card stock. they can be posted almost anywhere.  Their intended audience? Anyone who wants to improve their emotional fitness or anyone else’s emotional intelligence.  Parents, teachers, therapists, coaches, fitness trainers, school guidance counselors, preachers, and non-preachers.