Tag Archives: Inspiration

How To Forgive Others and Yourself – Five tips

As a Jew this is the time of year to examine your behavior, seek forgiveness when you have failed go follow the right path, forgive others, and move forward.

Forgiveness quote

Emotional fitness thoughts

A guilty conscience is the first line of punishment. Forgiving others begins with realizing your need for forgiveness and examining your guilty conscience.  Why? Doing so connects you to what Judaism calls your  “Evil Inclinations.”

We all “Evil Inclinations”  These are the  selfish parts of each human that seeks personal needs without regard to others. Knowing our capacity for evil builds empathy, not just for yourself, but for those who do evil.

The second of the ten commandments prohibits  Idolatry.   The simplest way to think of the sin of Idolatry is to see it as “I Idolize I.”  I put my needs and wants above all others and do not care how others are hurt when I am seeking to meet my wants and desires.

Judaism’s  central premise of ethical  behavior is not to hurt others in ways you do not want to be hurt. The central mission of Judaism is the practice of Tikkun Olam, repairing the universe – trying to bring about a just and kind world.

Sins are not just personal faults or mis-doings according to Judaism.  On Yom Kippur all observant Jews will gather to confess not only their personal sins but all sins.  I have not murdered, but I will confess to murder; I will confess all sins whether I have personally sinned or not.

Why must I confess other people’s sins? Because when a member of the community sins, all in the community have failed, and therefore, all have sinned.

Emotional fitness tips

 Tip one: Make practicing forgiveness a daily exercise.  Here’s one of my Poster Coaches laying out an easy forgiveness exercise. It starts with forgiving yourself.

forgiveness exercise

 Tip two:  Find a community to support justice and mercy. We need justice in the world because evil takes over individuals and then evil individuals come together to overrule justice and kindness. We need a community because we need support in our efforts to practice justice and kindeness.

Tip three: Stay safe and keep other’s safe.  Forgiveness does not mean allowing yourself to be endangered or physically assaulted.

This is why I want  karate Peace Dojo’s to part of every educational facility. The world would be better if  all  students were taught what Peace Dojo’s teach.

Tip four: Grow both your self-awareness and your understanding of why others behave as they do. As one sage said, “To understand all is to forgive all.”

Tip five: Do not be swayed by evil beliefs dressed in fancy clothes. Here are five examples:

  1. Your parents, friends,  teachers, preachers, celebrities, journalists, politicians,  world leaders all speak the truth and nothing but the truth. Truth is in the eye of the beholder at least when spilled forth from a human mouth or pen or brain. You need to read oppositional points of view and even then your biases will often lead you to simple but not complete views of the truth.
  2. Things will make you happy: Despite all that the admen want you to believe, things cannot make you happy. Nor can winning the lottery, becoming a media star, being prettier, or having more money in the bank.
  3. You can have it all:  Just not possible. You can have lots, but no one has it all.
  4. You can just do it: Oprah says if she became a star anyone can. She lies. She demeans her talents and drive. She also sets a side luck meaning she had people who believed in her and she was in the right place at the right time. Imagine if she had been born before Lincoln freed the slaves.
  5. Follow your heart, your gut or your intuition.  Love is blind, murderers follow their guy, intuition only works some of the time. Marrying thought and heart, gut, intuition works best.

Stay STrong

At the moment of our death,  some say, our  lives flash before our eyes. Getting stuck in the viewing the evil we have done is my personal idea of hell.   We know deep in our hearts all we have done wrong.  Not just the stuff of our personal consciences which are dictated by our culture, our families, and our personal experiences, but the stuff  viewed by the eyes of the Creator, the Higher Power, or what most of us call our God.

One of the thoughts about Yom Kippur, is that is the day God judges humankind, but then leaves the throne of justice and sits on the throne of mercy.  From that throne forgiveness is given all who see they have sinned and seek to sin no more.

Knowing what matters and knowing that is being kind, makes forgiving all th more possible. My Mission and Goals E-book elaborates on that concept.

If you like this post share it with another.  That is practicing deliberate kindness which is another easy Emotional Fitness Exercise and the sublect of today’s Free Poster Coach.

As always, thank you for your support.

Katherine

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POST INSPIRATION

Word Press’s Post of the Day:   Howl at the Moon – “Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.” Do you follow Ginsberg’s advice — in your writing and/or in your everyday life?

Yes, I howl at the moon, but I try to remember what matters and to behave accordingly.

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How To Tell Fact From Fiction – Five Tips

Thinking about personal ideas of “what is” versus reality  improves self-awareness, a key #emotionalintelligence skill that  grows as you grow.

Life's hard, grow up

Growing up means seeing what is, not what we hope is. Many of us fail to make that leap.

Emotional Fitness thoughts

Once survival is assured, most human behavior gets driven by  the quest for pleasure. We follow our heart and its desires.   What does that mean in terms of our thinking?

The pleasures found in  certainty and control often distort our ability to code reality accurately.  Every human being wants  a predictable world that allows individual control. The more control, the more peace of mind, the more pleasure.

However, the real world is not predictable. Some people win the lottery, others die suddenly in accidents;  disease ravages, lightning strikes, and people betray. Moreover, as much as we like to think our prayers or thoughts or actions control such things, we control little.  We don’t direct lightning strikes.  We can do everything right in a relationship and be betrayed.  Disease comes unbidden. We all age and die.

These are brute facts and cause mega doses of uncertainty and pain.  The creative source that made our world wisely introduces us slowly to the uncertainties and hardships of life.  Why?

Life is a marathon, a long trip down roads of pleasure and pain.  We need to develop lots of  emotional strength before we can bear seeing what is instead of what we hope is. .

Our brains develop slowly in the ability  to see reality. Children eagerly believe in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Ghost and Goblins. Then  about the age of seven or eight, their brains change; they better code reality and some wonder why adults lied to them.

Another big shift awaits some, but not all.  That shift expands  thinking based on  personal experience and what is in the world around you. How?

By allowing you to come back to the magic of childhood, but in a different way. The child who believes in fairies, ghosts, or goblins thinks these are real.

One such child, told his parents “A little man lives in the traffic lights and turns them on and off.”

Once the child gives up magical thinking, he or she gets stuck in thinking only about what is. Such a child cannot think about what might me.  The child who moves to next big brain shift knows such things are not real, but also that some could be.   The  world of the invisible or mysterious or seemingly impossible becomes possible. Why many teens become fascinated with the occult. This final stage is called abstract thought.

If you are a parent, when your loving pre-teen suddenly turns against you, particularly when in public or their friends are around, abstract thought plays a part. How?  You are now being compared against imaginary parents that are perfect. In time, hopefully, the child will realize no parents are perfect and theirs were probably good enough or better.

Back to tips for coding reality.

EMOTIonal Fitness Tips

Tip one: If it is too good to be true, it isn’t.

Tip two: If it feels good, it might not be.

Tip three:  If it is a sound bite, it is selling you a bill of goods. Always follow the money and see who is trying to sell you what.

Tip four:  You can never know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Tip five:  The more views of something, the more truth might emerge. As one pundit said, “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer” meaning know them better.  The more you read of opposing views about your beliefs, the more you might get a glimpse of the truth.

STAY STRONG

When it comes to acting on beliefs, two things matter. Those things? Safety and kindness.

With all the talk of believing  the best in others and yourself, bullying gets ignored.  So always stay safe, which is why I think the best things school could to to fight bullying is to hire Peace DoJos as physical education and health teachers and why I am for reasonable gun carry laws.

Harness safety with kindness; brain with  heart, and intuition with thought; that is the path to properly coding what is.

Finally, the kinder you are the more you learn about another and yourself. Never think you know all about another person, for you do not even know all about yourself.

Thank you for all you do. Please share this if you found it helpful. You will be practicing kindness for you, me, and  hopefully some others.

Katherine

 LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspirational quotes or exercises. Go there and subscribe to be notified of new additions.

POST INSPIRation

Word Press’s Post of the Day: The Great Divide When reading for fun, do you usually choose fiction or non-fiction? Do you have an idea why you prefer one over the other?

As noted above I think all we read is fiction at one level or another. I do read what I call get away novels most mysteries, but I also like to read historical novels that bring me to another world and add to my understanding of all worlds.

 Image found on rabbipaul.blogspot.com

How to know who to trust

How do you size someone up when first meeting them?  Do you let your instincts guide you? Listen to your heart? Create labels in your mind? Shame on you.

iNSTNCT

EMOTIONAL TRAINING THOUGHTS AND TIP

Today’s Word Press Prompt posed this:  Litmus, Litmus on the Wall –  If you had to come up with one question, the answer to which would determine whether or not you could be friends with a person you’ve just met, what would it be? What would the right answer be?

My answer? Thank you but no thank you.  You are indulging in the twisted thinking known as  generalization when you decide who you will like and not like on the basis of one question.

Yes, I suppose you could get very creative and come up with a clever question. Unless that question  is, “Want to spend some time together to  get to know each other?” your heart or intuition is guiding you. Not as helpful as you like to believe.

All other questions will be just the answer to one question.  I don’t want to judged on such feeble information; I suspect you do not wish that either.

My mother often said she would not have married my father, if he hadn’t been tall.  Sad for she would have missed out on life with a wonderful man who adored her.

A Tip: Take time to know someone before deciding if they are friend or foe.  Unless of course they are holding a gun and pointing it at you. Even then your instinct

STAYING STRONG

Sound bytes seem to be ruling thought. Not useful.  For some things there are neither quick or easy answers.  The media loves sound bytes and so does our brain. Makes decision making easier, but not smarter when it comes to many things.  For the really imporant stuff, like the people you let into your heart or trying to bring peace on earth going slower works best.

Thank you for all you do. Please share this if you found it helpful. You will be practicing kindness for you, me, and  hopefully some others.

Katherine

 LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspirational quotes or exercises similar to  today’s Poster Coach. All digital downloads are feel, although an occasional tip would keep us going. We don’t have not for profit status but we are not making money.  Today’s sample  offers quotes about flattery which is used by many to get a quick by-pass to your heart.

Many guotes about flattery.

 

How To Get the Real You Respected

Who are you? The person your family knows? Your friends? Your boss? Your enemies?  The you inside?  The you you hide? News flash you are all of those.

Cartoon. Are we who others say we are or ourselves.

EMOTIONAL TRAINING THOUGHTS AND TIP

The shrinks debate about whether we are one authentic self or a thousand self’s depending on the context and  the audience. I don’t know that we are a thousand self, but I do know we are more than one.

Today’s Word Press Prompt posed this:  Flash Talk  – You’re about to enter a room full of strangers, where you will have exactly four minutes to tell a story that would convey who you really are. What’s your story?

My answer? Who am I telling it to and why.  Which self will gain respect? Which self will be put in danger? Which self will be diminished?

One with my tips.

Tip One: Think about which self fits the context if asked to describe yourself to someone. Answer the questions posed above.  Thinking and then making a choice strengthen what some call your authentic self.

Tip two: To understand yourself better also spend some time thinking about the selves you hide.   We all hide and for various reasons. The sad reasons are those that diminish us and are forced on us by life; such as needing a job and having a difficult boss. Others are shamed based. These need thinking about so you can stop being diminished or feeling stupid shame. Again, making a choice about both strengthens your emotional fitness.

STAYING STRONG

We all want to be seen as our best selves and appreciated despite our worse selves. In order to be  appreciated despite our worse selves we have to risk letting others know the worse. One reason people like private talk therapy is that the main push of the therapy is to hear the bad and not judge so much as help you understand you.  I know in my traditional analysis a great moment of freedom came when I had shared every nasty thing I had done and every nasty thought I had ever held. The freedom came because I was heard with compassion and understanding.

More often our worse selves show  when we are not in charge of our mad, bad, or sad feelings.   We feel, act as the feeling suggests, and  then regret letting the feeling boss us.  That is not particularly helpful to our self-esteem and tends to add to shame.

What to do? One thing is to learn how to say you are sorry. Not mindlessly, but with a bit of thought. Doing so will make you feel better and often gets you the acceptance you crave. Here is today’s free EFTI Poster Coach about how to say you are sorry in a way most likely to gain acceptance and respect.

Six steps to a good apology

Thank you for all you do including liking, commenting, or sharing. Kindness blesses the giver and the receiver.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspirational quotes or exercises similar to  today’s Poster Coach. All digital downloads are feel, although an occasional tip would keep us going. We don’t have not for profit status but we are not making money.