Tag Archives: Katherine Gordy Levine

THREE PITY POT SAYINGS OR JOKES (?)

Cannot laugh at these.  Life probably sucks big time right now. The most important thing? Do not let the bad keep you on the Pity pot too long.

Self pity joke.

PITY POT1 images (2)Yes, you are the only one who can get up and off the Pity Pot.  The strength lies within No other  tips today but do think a bit and if you have not read yesterday’s post. Read it now.

DEEPER THOUGHTS

Once pain fades recalling it reinforces it and that  why self-pity is destructive,  it creates the bad feelings over and over again.

Sadly often we don’t know we are caught in its web, because we feel entitled, get pleasure, and can more easily shrug off responsibility. Those three things increase the livelihood of more pain.  Do not think I am denying pain and the fact that at times you are sitting drowning and have been pulled under by pain, then the most you can do means breaking down. That is survival, not sitting on a pity pot.  However when you come up for air, you need to find a healthy distraction, feeling sorry is not one.

DAILY PROMPT: Cut Off – When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?

We so need others in our lives that one thing driving us to the pity pot is loneliness. What to do? Almost anything healthy that absorbs your interest so much your forget the real world for a while. Any that even helps in the loneliest of times which is when others are around, but self absorbed,

Reading a page turner does it best for me.  Writing or interacting on social media also get me enjoying more and reduces the chance of my hind end getting a red ring from pity pot sitting.

LINKS OF INTEREST

BE KIND TO ME

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same. All on the social media need the kindness of likes and they really take little time.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find some good every day.

Katherine

 

THREE TIPS FOR GETTING OFF YOUR PITY POT

In pain?  Feeling sorry for yourself? We all do when hurt. However,  hugging the hurt around you like a feather comforter keeps you stuck in the pain. Not good.

self pity quotes

WHAT TO DO?  TRY THESE TIPS

Emotional fitness tip one:  Rate the hurt on a ten to one scale:  Physically hurt or illness threatening death or a life of difficult to manage pain or disability is a ten.  Bad.You are entitled to some moments of self pity, but be careful those moments do not erode the better moments.

A past pain even severe physical pain or emotional abuse  rate a 5 or below. The longer ago, the lower the rating.    Often self pity means holding on to past pains? Not at all helpful.  Forgive or forget and go on.

Emotional fitness tip two: Replace “poor-me” self-talk with positive slogans. “Now matters most” or “Moving on” or “Alive and well” are some that might work.

Emotional fitness tip three: Practice EFTI’s Daily Easy Exercises.  The most important ones? Gratitude, Remember What Matters and Practicing Kindness.

parenting tip

Starting young, the most helpful thing a parent can do is teaching children to rate pain.  

Say “Big hurt” as you comfort a child crying uncontrollably.

A fall and a scrunched up face getting ready to cry, ask the child to rate the hurt – big, medium or small? Use a hand gesture to measure Big, Medium or Small

Getting the child to rate the hurt instantly weakens the pain.

DEEPER THOUGHTS

Once pain fades recalling it reinforces it and that  why self-pity is destruction it creates the bad feelings over and over again.

Sadly often we don’t know we are caught in its web, because we feel entitled, get pleasure, and can more easily shrug off responsibility. Those three things increase the livelihood of more pain.

DAILY PROMPTLocal Flavor: Write a piece about a typically “local” experience from where you come from as though it’s an entry in a travel guide.

Self-pity is always a local journey into the negative part of our brain.  The post is all about that.  If I were writing a travel quide about this it would say “Taking the road called self pity only leads to the town called pain, avoid it.” 

LINKS OF INTEREST

BE KIND TO ME

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same. All on the social media need the kindness of likes and they really take little time.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find some good every day.

Katherine

WHY PRACTICING KINDNESS MATTERS,

The greatest gift of practicing kindness is that you can look in the mirror and find a better self reflected.

Go Beyond Random Kindness

We are each other’s mirrors. As we grow what others see in us we come not just to see, but to  believe about ourselves. Then as we grow what we see in others is our reflection and often not of our better selves, but of our lessor selves. Why practicing kindness matters.

pARENTING TIP

Teaching children to practice kindness begins with teaching good manners. Manners are not a matter of which fork to use but treating others the way you want to be treated.

For more tips about teaching children to be kind see this Parents Are People Too Blog Post “Kindness matters.”

DEEPER THOUGHTS

The more kindness spreads, the more peace grows. But to think a bit more about being kind, one must also be safe. There are those who respond to kindness as weakness; all those who only know hate will respond to kindness violently. Why the ancient laws and world-wide laws recognize the different between killing in self-defense and murder.

DAILY PROMPT “Think global, act local.” Write a post connecting a global issue to a personal one.  Just did.

LINKS OF INTEREST

BE KIND TO ME

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same. All on the social media need the kindness of likes and they really take little time.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find some good every day.

Katherine

 

BETRAYED? HOW TO HOLD ON TO THE GOOD

Everyone betrays someone even those they love the most. Forgiveness remains the only way out of the hell of hatred betrayal creates.

FORGIVENESS

You betray, I betray, we all betray. You betray when you violate a contract that causes deep pain or conflict to the other person or people affected. The contract can be presumed or verbal agreed to  or written and signed by both parties.

Do you remember the first time you felt betrayed by someone you loved? Parents are usually the first, but what feels like parental  betrayal is not recognized  by the very young as such.

Why?  Because children believe  do not have the sense of fairness required to correctly label a betrayal.  Might makes right rules their world.  It is when we hit our teens, that we can contemplate more abstract ideas like what is fair and realize we have been betrayal.

When I was a teen my best friend went after a boy she know I was interested in.

“Not fair,” I cried.

“All’s fair in love and war,” she replied.

Perhaps that should not be “All’s fair.”  Howver, the lesson I took from this betrayal was that people are such that they will always seek their heart’s need whether it is fair or not.  My friend might have chosen to leave the field clear for me, then she would have betrayed her heart.  A conundrum. Betraying others is part of being human, not the best part but often an understandable one. Our friendship survived because her explanation made sense to me at the time and we were able to talk about it.

Sometimes we betray out of weakness, sometimes out of strength, mostly due to conflicting needs, but in time we all betray. Even the most loving couples eventually face death and that is life’s ultimate betrayal.

Emotional fitness tip one: The betrayals  of those we love starts when we lie to ourselves or to the loved one.  There is a phenomena amoug marriage counselors known as  “Runaway wives.”  Husband do it too.  It starts with not being honest about who you are and your feelings.

Emotional fitness tip three: Know yourself, so you can be honest about your needs. Betrayal is often kindness or conflict avoidance taken too far.

Emotional fitness tip four:  Don’t let hurts fester. forgiveness requires a philosophy that softens hatred through understanding. My father hated and feared conflict; he was the shining example of “If you cannot say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” He also managed not to let what hurt him about my mother fester.

How did he do that?  At  some point in his life he apparently decided to forgo revenge and to let go of hate. He did this by the belief  the other person would suffer more in the long run.  Bishop Tutu’s definition of forgiveness is not seeking revenge. My father had never heard of Tutu, but was wise, however, also letting his need for peace rule him and not always to his benefit.

Emotional fitness tip five: Forgiveness cannot be practiced when emotional and physical safety have no been not established. Physical assault,  whether the torture of oppressive regimes, child, or partner abuse is the easiest example of the need for safety; ongoing emotional abuse is less easily defined, but is unrelenting blaming, coldness and attacking the others self-worth.

Emotional fitness tip six: Learn and practice the art of forgiveness.

PARENTING TIPS

Divorce is one  way parents betray children into today’s world of easy come and easy go marriage.  But there are lots of other ways.  As noted above even those who love you the most betray. I remember when I finally figured out my father, the only person I worshiped well into adulthood and who I  know loved me unconditionally,  had betrayed me.

How? My mother was given to horrible pre-menstrual temper tantrums. I was often her victim. To her credit she never got physically violent, but her emotional outbursts sent me to my room weeping uncontrollable. In time she would calm down and my father would come and reunite the two of us.  How was that betrayal?

I don’t think he could have stopped her rages, but he could have told  know it was her problem, that she was wrong but at the mercy of her own needs.  That would have made all the difference to me. It was a therapist who helped me understand that and so forgive and go on. My father did the best he could, so did my Mom, and so do all of us.

There are times, however when the best is just not enough to keep us from betraying those we love.  What to do?

Parenting tip one: Betray as little as possible. Practicing kindness helps.

Parenting tip two: Own up when you are betraying another. As always your behavior models what your children follow most strongly.

Parenting tip three:  Try to do better.  If you cannot  do better, own that you are at fault.  The most common way out of the guilt of knowing we are hurting another is finding fault with the other  — the blame game.  Children of divorce say the bad mouthing or arguing and blaming of the other parent hurt more than the  divorce.

Parenting tip four: Teach your children life is not fair, betrayals happen.

Parenting tip five:  Teach your children to practice kindness, the art of apologizing, and how to forgive.

Parenting tip six: Improve your child’s self soothing skills.

improve your critical thinking skills

DAILY PROMPT  Undo: If you could un-invent something, what would it be? Discuss why, potential repercussions, or a possible alternative.

If I could undo anything, it would be the very human need to put on what I call a faux self.  We have many selves and our faus selves are often attempts to be kind or to avoid conflict. Understandable, but in the long run you betray yourself and often others.  Why learning to be who you are, say what needs saying, but not saying it means matters most.

Your ideas?

LINKS OF INTEREST

BE KIND TO ME

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same.

This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars –Not good enough to rate; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find some good every day..

Katherine