Tag Archives: Katherine Gordy Levine

How To Get the Real You Respected

Who are you? The person your family knows? Your friends? Your boss? Your enemies?  The you inside?  The you you hide? News flash you are all of those.

Cartoon. Are we who others say we are or ourselves.

EMOTIONAL TRAINING THOUGHTS AND TIP

The shrinks debate about whether we are one authentic self or a thousand self’s depending on the context and  the audience. I don’t know that we are a thousand self, but I do know we are more than one.

Today’s Word Press Prompt posed this:  Flash Talk  – You’re about to enter a room full of strangers, where you will have exactly four minutes to tell a story that would convey who you really are. What’s your story?

My answer? Who am I telling it to and why.  Which self will gain respect? Which self will be put in danger? Which self will be diminished?

One with my tips.

Tip One: Think about which self fits the context if asked to describe yourself to someone. Answer the questions posed above.  Thinking and then making a choice strengthen what some call your authentic self.

Tip two: To understand yourself better also spend some time thinking about the selves you hide.   We all hide and for various reasons. The sad reasons are those that diminish us and are forced on us by life; such as needing a job and having a difficult boss. Others are shamed based. These need thinking about so you can stop being diminished or feeling stupid shame. Again, making a choice about both strengthens your emotional fitness.

STAYING STRONG

We all want to be seen as our best selves and appreciated despite our worse selves. In order to be  appreciated despite our worse selves we have to risk letting others know the worse. One reason people like private talk therapy is that the main push of the therapy is to hear the bad and not judge so much as help you understand you.  I know in my traditional analysis a great moment of freedom came when I had shared every nasty thing I had done and every nasty thought I had ever held. The freedom came because I was heard with compassion and understanding.

More often our worse selves show  when we are not in charge of our mad, bad, or sad feelings.   We feel, act as the feeling suggests, and  then regret letting the feeling boss us.  That is not particularly helpful to our self-esteem and tends to add to shame.

What to do? One thing is to learn how to say you are sorry. Not mindlessly, but with a bit of thought. Doing so will make you feel better and often gets you the acceptance you crave. Here is today’s free EFTI Poster Coach about how to say you are sorry in a way most likely to gain acceptance and respect.

Six steps to a good apology

Thank you for all you do including liking, commenting, or sharing. Kindness blesses the giver and the receiver.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

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Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspirational quotes or exercises similar to  today’s Poster Coach. All digital downloads are feel, although an occasional tip would keep us going. We don’t have not for profit status but we are not making money.

How to keep old friends

People change.  I married a Viet NamWar protesting hippy guy who seems to have morphed into Tea Party Man. Married for over forty years. Here’s how.

Love and hate

emotional training thoughts and tip

The longer the relationship, the more intense the relationship, the more likely loving feelings will compete regularly with hateful feelings. But the best relationships are glued together wih love. Parents  know that  as much as you want to throw a crying baby out the window, love keeps the child safe.

Today’s Word Press Prompt posed this:  How would you get along with your sibling(s), parent(s), or any other person you’ve known for a long time — if you only met them for the first time today?

To me that question is not what matters.  Relationships that start strong, but then don’t stay the course bruise someone, mostly the young, but often the abandoned once loved one.  Children in particular need their parents to stay together.  With the divorce rate at almost 50% that is not a very popular opinion; however, except for physically or intensely emotionally abusive marriages, the studies show divorce hurts children. Moreover, second marriages end faster and more often than first. To me that means many people are chasing the blue bird of happiness all the wrong way.

Would my kids get along with me or their father today if meeting for the first time? Not at first. All are opinionated men and their opinions are not alike.

On the other hand if  we were forced to spend  time living together so that we shared  laughs and broke bread together we would learned more about each other than our political or religious views, then we might come to where we are now.  Where is that? Close and able to survive the down times and the gulfs that separate one generation from another, one person from another.

This applies not just to family but to friends.  I have one very good friend dating back to when we met in kindergarten.  I have another whole group of friends from college.  If we met now, we would probably go our separate ways, but history is the glue that ties us together and makes me grateful they are part of my life.

Here are what kept our relationships going.

Tip one: The five to one rule. To maintain a relationship make five good times for each bad time. My opinated husband not only makes me laugh lots, but he also honors my brain. That he likes my cooking helps him overlook some of the differences between us.

A variation? When angry think of five good things about the person you are angry with;  your anger will fade.

Tip two: Hone your ability to forgive and to ask for forgivenss. A movie fantasy says “Love is nver having to say you are sorry.  Which is like saying people are perfect.  Not true. Even without wanting to hurt another we do. Sayiny you are sorry is a useful relationship tool, but more useful is knowing how to forgive.  

Here  is today’s free EFTI poster for practicing forgiveness:

Three steps to forgiveness

STAYING STRONG

Life is a struggle and relationships a major part of the struggle.  All the more reason to work to maintain those that once worked.  Kindness combined with gratitude and mixed in with forgiveness give all relationships the possibility of not just surviving but thriving .

Thank you for all you do including liking, commenting, or sharing. Kindness blesses the giver and the receiver.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

 WORD PRESS DAILY PROMPT

Daily Post Sept 16, 2014 DAILY PROMPT  Delayed Contact  How would you get along with your sibling(s), parent(s), or any other person you’ve known for a long time — if you only met them for the first time today?

Answered above.

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspirational quotes or exercies like today’s Poster Coach

How To Find Beauty

Today’s Word Press Daily Prompt asked if beauty is in the eye of the beholder or not. Be With Beauty is an emotional fitness exercise that answers “Yes.”

Roots as beauty

STAYING STRONG

Beauty is all around, but only if you have trained your eyes to see.  Faux beauty is promoted on the media and helps the cash registers ring.  The cosmetic business makes millions and I bet you can name others making money by promoting their images of beauty.

Sad, but making money does keep many working. So my main objection is the rejection of other kinds of physical beauty. Some wrinkled faces hold more beauty than the high cheek bones of the latest fashion icon.

The Emotional Fitness Be With Beauty Exercise seeks to strengthen you eye for beauty.  Thich Nah Hahn notes  you can see garbage in the rose and the rose in the garbage.  You find beauty by narrowing or expanding your view.

In a room that seems drab finding a spot of color is finding beauty.  On a city litter filled street focusing of a spot of light or all the lights reaching toward the sky find you being with beauty.

When looking at a person, looking for kindness shows you the beauty within. Sometimes an act of kindness on your part brushes a less than beautiful face with beauty.  Nothing matches the beauty of an honest smile.

Thank you for all you do including liking, commenting, or sharing. Kindness blesses the giver and the receiver.

Katherine

Links of interest

 Word Press Daily Prompt

Daily Post Sept 16, 2014 Daily Prompt  Absolute Beauty       ;We’ve all heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Do you agree? is all beauty contingent on a subjective point of view?

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspiration quotes and Be With Beauty Posters. .

 

How to defeat “To Do List” over load

As an old lady with way too much  to do and way too little time left, I would be bald from tearing my hair if I hadn’t become a professional procrastinator.

Procrastinate

There is always too much to do, particularly when it comes to what you want to do, then the things you must do get in the way.  Still they must be done.

Emotional fitness thoughts and tips

This post was inspired by  blogger mesardonicmesarcastic asking for help.  Here is part of his plea:

I want some help here. I am curious to know how does one manage the posts of over several thousand people. If the point is to engage with other publishers on WordPress and build a community, how do you engage with such mass? …. I’m asking this because there’s a blog that I follow with 42,000 followers. 

 Also, how do you pick who you follow? Do you follow any and everybody

More generally he asks do you blog about what is popular, or what interests you?  The blogger he follows says to post often, but writing blog posts takes time and then if people respond you need to respond back. Same with all social media.

My husband is nearing the limit on Facebook friends.  That is essentially the only social media he uses.  I think the limit  comes when you hit 2000 friends.  I haven’t topped 700 there, but  I also do twitter, Google, link, and Pinterest.  So I may have come close to David in numbers.  Too much, to treat respectfully  at least in terms of what my remaining time allows and my desire to practice good manners and kindness.

I have been blogging hoping to build a legacy for my third child Emotional Fitness Training, Inc,  I had a dream others would become Emotional Fitness Trainers; then  they and I would make money by training, licencing, and selling EFTI material. Not happening, not going to happen. The time has come for me to let go of most of that dream.

As I have been known to point out, not all dreams come true.  I have been passionate about this dream, worked hard, kept my eye on the prize, but needed more than what I could do alone. So it goes.  Other dreams of mine have flourished and I have lived a life beyond my dreams. So I am not complaining.

That said, however, this blogger’s post came as I have been resetting some goals particularly in terms of my desire to leave something of on-going value behind when I leave  this world.  Here are my  tips  about dealing with over load.

Tip one: Know your mission and your goals.  Your mission is what you want your life to stand for. Your goals are how the things you must or want to do as your life unfolds.  And yes, I have an eBook about missions and goals.

Tip two: Get real about your expectations. I rant lots against the Happiness Gurus and their marital partners the “Just Do It” Bonkers.  Each seeks money more than your well-being.

My youngest son, early on, poured his heart into getting into the Baseball Hall of Fame as the best first basemen since Keith Hernandez.  He did all his Little League coaches asked and more. However, he had little talent for the hitting, running, or catching; he sat on the bench lots. We tried to discourage him, but did not forbid his efforts.

As he told me when he was eleven and quit trying: “There are only 600 major league players and millions of kids like me.  I’m not good enough to make the majors.”

He was depressed, but feel to pursue other goals and eventually found a sport he loved and enjoys for the joy it brings.  Parents hear that. Teach your children sports are for fun, not just for beating others.  

Tip Three: Recognize the choices you make.  I do not think we have unlimited free choice; life has its way with us; and sometimes miracles come our way. However, I for one do not know why some prayers are answered and some  ignored. Nor do I understand why many bad people seem to be  given much and  very good people,  often seem to get only grief.

I do understand that most of the time we have choice. It may be between what we don’t like and what we hate, but it is choice.  You may hate your job, but hate not getting a paycheck to feed your family a bit more that you hate your job.

Tip four: Choose kindness as often as you can, for kindness matters most.

Tip five: Pursue what makes you happy as much as you can, when you can, and how you can.

Tip six; Every once in a while check your progress.  Anders Ericsson, skills building expert, notes,  developing  any skill  requires not just practice, but deliberate practice. What is deliberate practice? Regularly scheduled practice that works as measured by improvement.

Many people stumble when it comes to measuring progress. However, rating scales can measure any thing, so start using them.  Here are two five point rating scales I use in terms of my goals.

How motivated am I to work regularly on this goal?  One is “Everyday all day. “Three as if it is ” I work at it as a job” I put in six or seven hours every work day.”  Five is “I  do what I can when I can.”

Two is my work paying off?   One is “I am actually making money.”  Three is “People are following me more” and Five I am not enjoying the work and wonder if I should keep going.”

My answers “I work at it as a job” but “I am not enjoying the work”  and after wondering “if I should keep going” I think change is in order.

As much as I love blogging and wanted someone to keep that part of my Emotional Fitness Training business going, that is not going to happen. Boo hoo, but time to think of another goal.

Although my books are not best sellers, people still buy them and keeping them out there will happen at least for a while, even if no one is out there pushing them.  So my books remain my best worldly legacy.

So I am in the process of looking at options.  My primary goal is to share knowledge I have found useful and I think in terms of a legacy that means eBooks and one or two hard books.  If you have thoughts I would appreciate reading them?

STAYING STRONG

Thank you for all you do including liking, commenting, or sharing. Kindness blesses the giver and the receiver.

Katherine

Links of interest

 Word Press Daily Prompt

Daily Post Sept 15, 2014 Daily Prompt Overload Alert:   “Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.” — Gertrude Stein
Do you agree?

I so agree and we all need to stop and think harder and deeper. That is what Emotional Fitness Training wants to help you do.

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The put the Pro Poster is available as a free down load at our eftistore.