Tag Archives: Life

When My Uncertainty Ends, I Can Shout: “Shut up.”

Uncertainty drives much behavior. Knowing the uncertainties in any situation increases your #emotionalintelligence and helps you act with greater wisdom.

Annoying people: those who talk and don't let me get a word in edgewise

 EMOTIONAL FITNESS THOUGHTS AND TIPS

Today’s Word Press Prompt provides a good opportunity to look at how uncertainty controls even mundane behaviors.  Here it is:

DAILY PROMPT    Middle Seat: It turns out that your neighbor on the plane/bus/train (or the person sitting at the next table at the coffee shop) is a very, very chatty tourist. Do you try to switch seats, go for a non-committal brief small talk, or make this person your new best friend?

Developmental expert Jerome Kagan notes that conflicting beliefs are a major source of uncertainty and that plays out on the world stage in terms of who has the right belief about God, Gods, Goddesses, or none such. But such conflicts are ever present in our  everyday affairs; deciding what to do when competing with a “talker” is a good example. Here are  four of my conflicting beliefs when dealing with a talker:

  1. I am a kind and polite person.
  2. Interrupting is rude.
  3. I am a good listener
  4. I have an opinion I want to share.
  5. Others need to vent.
  6. I need to vent.
  7. Sharing is good.
  8. Doing my thing is good.

How these conflicts  plays out in my feelings and behavior: For a while I take pride in being kind, listening, letting another vent, letting another share my time and space.

Then if the other person goes on and on, my need to share my thoughts, to be heard or to do my thing grows as does my frustration. Eventually those needs can overrule the belief interrupting is rude.  Then I try to interrupt politely.

If that works, good.  If not my frustration and anger grows and I begin to feel entitled to get rude. In time if the other person persists in filibustering, I feel entitled to say  loudly and angrily “Shut up.”

As I noted in my previous post,  Uncertainty PainsThe first step in not letting doubt and uncertainty rule your behavior is to accept that it does.  The second step is to tease out as I did above what uncertainties are at play. Hopefully, knowing that lets you act wisely.

Another strategy I use is what I call the Rule of Three. I count how many times I am tempted to interrupt; then when the count hits three, I interrupt as politely as I can. Doesn’t always work, so  the next post will discuss a few alternatives that do a bit better.

 STAY STRONG

Thank you for all you do, enjoy and be grateful for all you have been given, practice kindness, like, share or comment.

Katherine

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GIVE LOVE A CHANCE

Who do you hate?  Where did you learn that hatred. Hatred destroys your heart, so improve your #emotionalintelligence and learn to love even those you hate.

You've got to be taught to hate.

emotional fitness THOUGHTS AND TIPS

Human nature is such that we fear what is different.  If that fear gets linked to  personal internal hurts , hatred brews. Here are five common  examples of what I mean by internal hurts.

  1. You judge yourself as less smart, less strong, less talented than a person of difference.
  2. You have less wealth than a person of a difference.
  3. A person of difference beats you in a race, a game.
  4. A person of difference seems more respected by others than you feel respect you.
  5. Your view of your higher power is challenged by a different one.

Hatred brews more easily when the voices around you promote hatred and join hands with your personal hurt. The more voices preaching hate, the easier it is to justify your hate.

Some cultures raise their children on hatred of difference. Some do it directly.  Go here to see  what one group teaches its children. Others do it less directly. How? Think of any group that says those who believe differently are damned and doomed to spend eternity in hell. Also think of media messages that promote competition or divisiveness.

I think of the Long Island Railroad mass killer Colin Ferguson as someone whose hatred festered because of failed dreams, personal hurts, the slings and arrows of thoughtless other people, and of the preachings of hatred. Born in Jamaica, he came to the USA expecting to find great success, freedom and tolerance. He did not find success, he found racism, and he heard the preachings of hate groups.

It is a testimony to the goodness of most people that meeting with the same conditions, they do not turn murderous.

Hatred involves twisted thinking.  Here is a list of such   fallaciesThe fallacies most at play in hatred of differences are  incorrectly linking cause and effect, generalizing, and ad hominem.

To remind yourself to work at learning love, download today’s free  poster coach about learning love and post it where you  will see it.  when you see it, recite Hammerstein’s lyrics to shut out thoughts of hate.

STAY STRONG

The more you have been taught to hate differences, the harder it will be to learn love.  However, if the world is going to move past war, loving difference is essential.   Make learning to love  one of your life’s missions.

A brief Torah lesson.  The letter twelve in Hebrew stands for diversity, for example the twelve tribes. The letter for thirteen is a sacred letter and stands for oneness meaning the source of all.  Idol worship as taught by the Jewish Sages refers to the splitting of the sacred into the twelve and worshipping not the oneness of all, but one or another part or piece or tribe.

Thank you for all you do, enjoy and be grateful for all you have been given, practice kindness, like, share or comment.

Katherine

WORD PRESS DAILY PROMPT

This post relates to this DAILY PROMPT : Object Lesson - Sherlock Holmes had his pipe. Dorothy had her red shoes. Batman had his Batmobile. If we asked your friends what object they most immediately associate with you, what would they answer?

I would hope mine would be the peace symbol.

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 IMAGE BY Emotional Fitness Training, Inc.  Free download.

Sexy daydreams (fictional encounters)

Even while  pushing 80, I fantasize encounters out side of the bonds of marriage; in those encounters no need to worry about safe sex rules which are:

ready for sex postser.Actually I made the above poster for parents of teens. But the rules apply to everyone, so I am posting it here and on my Parents Are People Too Blog.

Thank you WordPress Daily Prompt for making today’s post so easy.  That prompt: Go down the rabbit hole with Alice; play quidditch with Harry Potter; float down the river with Huck Finn… If you could choose three fictional events or adventures to experience yourself, what would they be?

The sex scene in Juliet in Zefereli’s Romeo and Juliet sex scene, Scarlett O’Hara being swept off her feet by Rhett Butler in Gone With the Wind; Replacing any of Johnny Depp’s lovers but he will be Don Juan DeMarco not a pirate. Need I say more.

EMOTIONAL FITNESS THOUGHT AND TIP

One of the way priests and other control seekers gain power is by declaring thoughts the same as deeds.  Caused former President James Carter to confess to sinning.  His sin: He lusted after other women in his heart.   No sin in my book.

Then there were any number of presidents who did more than lust in their hearts. As I don’t know the exact nature of their sexual contracts with their partners and sexual contacts, I withhold judgement.

Tip one: If not lusting in your heart keeps you from acting badly, lust away.

Tip two: If you do more than lust in your heart at least follow my safe sex rules.

Tip three: If a parent, teach your version of the safe sex rules, but be alert to the power of desire.  Do so with a matter-of-fact attitude, rather than hell and damnation threats.

STAY STRONG

Few things require more thinking about than our sexual desires.  Some say men in particular tend to think with two heads and the one between their legs often rules.  As sexual tensions build, that head takes over more and more. Which is why I personally believe enjoying sexual fantasies and even indulging in the too often forbidden pleasures of masturbation might do more to bring peace on earth than trying to repress such  thoughts or deeds.

If this offends you, apologies. However, do think a bit about why and then about how helping all find safe release from the build up of sexual tensions might  help create peace on earth.

I hope you find my posts of value.  If you do,  practice internet kindness by liking, rating, commenting, or sharing.  Even if you dont’ agree, comments are welcome.

Thank you for all you do and as always work to stay strong, which while is not  easy, more possible than you might think.

Love all,

Katherine

LINKS AND ARTICLES OF INTEREST

 IMAGE from: The EFTIStore Website

STRESS TEST

If you can laugh at this poster coach, your stress is at a reasonable level.  Being able to laugh at yourself is a sign of #emotionalintelligence.

 

Stress test, can you laugh at you.

If you can’t laugh a bit, that is a sure sign you are too stressed.  Try our four Easy Emotional Exercises for some quick relief.

Stay strong

If the stress is ongoing and interfere’s with your ability to do what needs doing as well as the ability to laugh, think about seeking  therapy. Life can be better.

See  EFIT’s Therapy. Coaching, and Self Help Pinterest Board.  for pins linking to useful information about the various kinds of help available for emotional stress and distress.

Thank you for all you do to Practice Kindness. Liking, commenting, or sharing any social media you find helpful is one way to be kind. It may seem like a little, however, doing a little matters a lot.

Katherine

Allines with this WordPress  DAILY PROMPT My dream teacher would be Johnny Carson, he kept my husband and I laughing during the hardest times of our marriage.  Moreover, he was mostly self-deprecating and never cruel.

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