First love mixes lust and the heady feeling of finding someone who seems tp know your deepest self. As is said, “Love is blind” so love always betrays.
Desperately seeking someone to affirm you keeps you running away from what could be. It is delusional and twisted thinking. We all need to get better at coding reality.
Reality check: We are not capable of knowing all about ourselves and love ourselves unconditionally. It is delusional to expect others to be all affirming.
Very few first loves survive the reality check of on-going life. Romeo and Juliet’s love may not have died, but they did and who knows whether their love would have survived real life. Probably not.
A few people are lucky enough to live happily or mostly happily ever after with their first love. Even then when one finally dies, the other feels betrayed.
Most of my friends married right out of high school or college. In high school, I planned to marry my first love after college. He found another and my heart broke.
Guess what? I survived and endured a few more heart breaks before I found Mr. Right. Moreover, he was often Mr. Wrong, but we fit together, were best friends, and had survived enough fights to know we’d make it to old age together. By that time I married, many of my married friends were divorcing were seeking other happy-ever- after mates. For many, the second marriage ended also.
I am grateful for the gift of my first love, and eventually also grateful for the heart-break and what it taught me. Here are the lessons.
Even those who love you with all their hearts betray you. That’s life’s hardest lesson. Babies are betrayed when parents cannot comfort the pain of colic; toddlers when parents can end terror of what lurks in the dark.
Teens wake up one day and believe all adults have lied because the teen meets life head on and many things they were taught seem wrong. Some of those things:
- People who say they love you will never hurt you.
- God is all loving and all powerful.
- Bad things don’t happen to good people not even to half good people.
- Your dreams will all come true if only you follow your heart and work hard.
- Love means always being understood and never having to say you are sorry.
The tip? Expect less you will be coding reality better. Reality is a mixture of good and bad; what we know and what we cannot know. The better we code reality, the less we will feel betrayed. As the author of the Microbe Hunters, Paul de Kruif noted, “Blessed are those who expect nothing for they shall not be disappointed.”
Children’s brains are programmed to introduce the hard facts of life slowly; a child’s ability to deny and live in the moment is a protective gift of the Creator of All Things. This means a parent must stay aware of age and stage to help the process of coding reality. This parenting post discusses that in more detail.
The heart of becoming emotionally fit, what the gurus call Emotionally Intelligent, lies in thinking clearly. Not easy for our emotions cloud our thoughts. I think harder by following some daily prompts. Here is today’s
DAILY PROMPT: Do or Die: You have three hundred words to justify the existence of your favorite person, place, or thing. Failure to convince will result in it vanishing without a trace. Go!
Here is my Do or Die thought about 90 words. Know Your Mission and know The Mission; build you on both. The Mission is to make the world a better place, it is everyone’s most important mission. At the same time, we all have personal missions. ways of meeting that mission. Our personal mission is best expressed by thinking of what we want said about us at our funeral. “She cared, she was kind, she made us think harder and longer and clearer.” is what I want said about me.
LINKS OF INTEREST
Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters. To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often. Poster Coaches can also be used at Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO
Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above, I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.
Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful. Thank you.