Tag Archives: Life

FIVE PLUS WAYS TO PRACTICE KINDNESS – DAY FOUR OF THE TWELVE DAYS OF EMOTIONAL FITNESS TRAINING

Practicing kindness is selfish; it gives you the most good.

Emotional Fitness Poster reminding you to Practice Kindness

As all the sages across all the ages and as today’s researchers know practicing kindness is the express lane to the good life.

There is much talk of Random Acts of Kindness and that is good. But a greater good comes to you when you practice Deliberate Kindness.

Go Beyond Random Kindness

 Parenting tipS

Parenting tip one: Manners teach kindness, so teach your children manners.

Parenting tip two; Condemn cruelty when you see cruel behavior. Point out cruel jokes, cruel acts.

Parenting tip three: Punish children for deliberate acts of cruelty.

Parenting tip four: Reward with a thank you your child’s acts of kindness.

Parenting tip five: Teach your children to give to the needy.  Three year olds love putting coins in various donations boxes.  Older children can give gently used toys, coats, other items to various charities or time at soup kitchens.

be kind to me

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same.

This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars –Not good enough to rate; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free. A poster coach is like a face-to-face coach; all serve as practice reminders, some teach you the exercises needed to stay strong.

To use one, after down loading it from the store, print it up preferably in cardstock and color, then post it where you will see it as you go about your day.

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

DAILY PROMPT   The Object of My Dejection  – Tell us about the object of your dejection — something you made, a masterpiece unfinished, or some sort of project that failed to meet your expectations. What did you learn from the experience? How would you do things differently next time?

How this fits in with today’s EFTI Post:  I was raised to think poorly of money-grubbing. So I have consistently under sold myself and Emotional Fitness Training.

I have lead a good life, but EFTI will probably be buried with me and I wish I had done better selling it.  A bit more money would have made it a viable business that could live on.

That said I am still trying to find a some legacy keepers or investors who will work to keep it going for at least a few more years.  Interested?

DEFEATING HOLIDAY STRESS – repost

Holidays are not always happy.  What to do?  Take Part Two of EFT’s free 101 course –  Twelve days of easy Emotional Fitness Exercises.
I don't really like Christmas said two partridges in a pear tree.

Confession: When I converted to Judaism one of the things I happily gave up was the stress of Christmas.  Hanukkah is so much easier, you have eight days to get things right; moreover as a minor holiday it is  not supposed to be such a big deal.  But even Hanukkah has become bigger – competition rules, particularly on the Get Happy Trail.

Moreover, the sales people use the holidays to get you to buy, buy, buy and that adds to the stress if you buy into all the sales pitches.  The holiday stress starts with Thanksgiving, For many, finding something to be grateful is not easy and then there is Black Friday. The stress builds and builds and  builds.

What to do?   Grinning and bearing might help, but can lead to grinding your teeth. Not good. Can lead to Clenched Jaw Disorder aka TMD which ranks up with root canal and child birth for pain.

Hopefully, knowing some easy Emotional Fitness Exercises might zap your stress. Toward that end here’s my holiday gift to my readers:

Twelve Days of Emotional Fitness Exercises.   Starts Twelve days before Christmas, Sunday  the 14th includes Hanukkah, Christmas and then leads up to Kwanza which starts this year on December 26th.

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL FITNESS?

Just as physical fitness programs improve physical health; Emotional Fitness Training programs improve emotional health.  Emotional fitness is about managing feelingsWe can own our feelings or our feelings can own us.  Anger is a feeling that tries to own us: “I was angry; I couldn’t help myself.”  Sadness is another feeling that can own us. “I couldn’t do my work; I was so sad, I just sat there and cried.” 

When a feeling determines how we act, the feeling is in control.  When we determine how to act on a feeling, we are in control, we are emotionally strong what some call being emotionally intelligent.

As Daniel Goleman, the expert on emotional intelligence, reported in 1998, at least two-thirds of the difference between those who are competent and those who are not is due to emotional intelligence.  What Goleman calls emotional intelligence we call  emotional fitness.

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL FITNESS TRAINING®. INC.

Established in 1995, Emotional Fitness Training®., Inc. (EFTI) is a for profit corporation.  EFTI seeks to provide quality motivational, psycho-educational products for the specific purpose of improving emotional fitness skills.  Our main products include in print books, eBooks,  poster coaches and courses.

EMOTIONAL FITNESS TRAINING’S CORE BELIEFS   Every EFT product is based on the following core beliefs:

  1.  At one time or another we all deal with strong feelings for life can be cruel, relationships painful, happiness, and self-fulfillment hard to find.
  2. Luck plays a part in everything.
  3. We don’t always get what we want.  We don’t always get what we feel we have earned.
  4. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people.
  5. Despite the difficulties, we can endure most of the bad, be content most of the time, and happy some of the time.
  6. “Happily ever after” is the stuff of fairy tales and a false sales pitch.
  7. The healthiest lives are based on service to others; you don’t know how valuable you are until you give yourself away.  Others include every human being; we are one.
  8.  Struggling with a strong painful feeling is not the same as being emotionally disturbed, but no one is emotionally fit who holds onto envy, hurt, hatred, or despair.
  9.  People worry too much about being thought emotionally disturbed or crazy.  Worrying about being kind and not cruel is healthier.
  10.  When you are cruel to yourself or others, negative feelings are controlling you.
  11.  When strong  feelings control you, you trouble looms for you or others.
  12.  When you control your feelings, your life is better, your relationships are better; when you control your feelings, you move the world toward peace.

Emotional Fitness Training is not therapy. Therapy deals  healing; EFT deals with strengthening.  Although not therapy, EFT Programs can be used as part of a therapeutic program.  Moreover, because some people need more than an EFT Program, in order to stay strong, EFT Programs are designed to help participants decide if therapy is needed.

PARENTING TIP

Parenting is hard work and does not come naturally. Moreover, most parent advisors preach and teach what worked for them. The founder of Parent Effectiveness Training had one step daughter; he was a therapist and thought if all parents were like therapists children would thrive. Mainly that meant not judging or teaching, but letting “natural consequences” work their way.  Guess what? that worked but only  for two groups of kids; teens, and those not dealing with abuse, two much stress, or a chemical imbalance of one sort or another.

Why was his program so popular?  I suspect because it appealed to our hurt inner child and we all have a hurt inner child.

That child hugs childhood hurts too tightly to their heart and if housed in a parent’s body – vows never to be a hurtful parent. However, except for a lucky few, the hurting parent will emerge at one time or another.  I remember the day I realized I sounded just like my mother when when she was at her worse. Not a good memory. But a lesson.

Always making your children happy, always praising, only letting natural consequences teach right from wrong is an impossible Trying to keep kids happy is an impossible goal and reaching for it creates  guilt in parents.

WHAT TO DO?

Parenting tip one:  Code reality as much as you can for your children.  Early on point out make believe as make believe. No need to make a big deal, but just say “That’s a wish” or “Make believe” or “Just play” or “A fun story, but not real life.”

Parenting tip two:  Always  model the behavior you want your children to follow.  Impossible to do all the time, but good enough is really good enough.

Parenting tip three: Remember age and stage.  What works for a two year old does not work for a ten year old; what works for a ten year old does not work for a teen.

Parenting tip four: Two rules cover what matters: safety and kindness.  If the world followed these rules there would be peace on earth.

Parenting tip five: Punishment is not a dirty word, it is a tool.  All tools can be properly applied or misapplied.  That said, punishment must be balanced with praise and rewards – five goodies for one baddie.

Paernting tip six: Learn to apologise when you blow it. Apologies are part of good manners and good manner teach respect for others.  Amends are appropriate for big parental blunders

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments also help.

This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

DAILY PROMPT   Ready, Set, Done! As it’s been a while since our last free-write… set a timer for ten minutes. Write without pause (and no edits!) until you’re out of time. Then, publish what you have (it’s your call whether or not to give the post a once-over).s it’s been a while since our last free-write… set a timer for ten minutes. Write without pause (and no edits!) until you’re out of time. Then, publish what you have (it’s your call whether or not to give the post a once-over).

How this fits in with today’s EFTI Post:  I always start with free writing, but rewriting is my name. Repeats are part of my game.  Studies show information has to pass before you at least five times before registering and behaviors have to be repeated 30 times before they even begin to become a habit.

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free.

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

SUMMARY SESSION: HOW TO BOSS ALL FEELINGS – THIRTY-ONE FREE 101 COURSE

How to boss all feelings? Know what you really feel, know how to measure feelings, know what matters, think about whether to act, act wisely, or  let go.

EFTskill summary

All advice is easy to give,  hard to put into practice. Trading old habits for new ones is particularly hard. Some experts claim you need to do something thirty times before it starts to be a habit. Others say 10,000 hours of practice are needed to become an expert.

Scary news?  Only if you are seeking perfection and when it comes to managing your bossy feelings, good enough works. Moreover, Emotional Fitness Training provides quick and easy exercises that can practiced in a minute or less.  Our poster coaches remind you to practice.

Parenting tip

Use this summary to guide your efforts to teach you children how to stay emotionally fit. As previously suggested remember age and stage.  Self-soothing, naming feelings,  rating scales come first, and when temper tantrums start time to teach how to express feelings wisely.

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments also help.

This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

DAILY PROMPT  One at a Time  Today, write a post about the topic of your choice — using only one-syllable words.

How this fits in with today’s EFTI Post:  Not possible for anything but a one sentence post. “Here are the skills you need to boss the feelings that want to boss you.” Failed. But good enough.

Thinking about what matters, I have noticed that many of the prompts pursue the trivial; moreover the corrections dumb down. Not sure that is helpful when it comes to making the world better.

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free.

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

HOW TO MOVE AHEAD WHEN YOU THINK YOU CANNOT – SESSION THIRTY 101 COURSE

Some negative feelings cannot be easily ignored.  A few events and hurts change us forever.  These are life blows. The experts call such events traumas.

QUOTES ABOUT TRAUMA

Trauma is often defined as any event that changes you forever.  Those that do the most damage are the ones that involve fear for your life, great pain, and the inability to do anything.  The sooner you can start moving again the better, the goal is accepting a new normal and going on with life as best you can.

Steps to surviving a life blow.

Recovery from a life blow means the pain no longer controls you. You can recall the loss of a love with a tear or two, not heart shaking sobbing.  You can sit in a car and recall a terrifying accident without breaking into a sweat.  Memories of the event are memories, not feeling, acting, and believing the event is happening again.

Living in the moment is one way to deal with letting go.  Living in the moment is the capacity to put pain out of your mind as soon as whatever is causing the pain or difficulty ends.    Observing the Now is an exercise that helps strengthen that ability.

This is an exercise that can be practiced off and on through out the day in appreciation of life, but also to strengthen your ability to accept what is. The purpose of this exercise is two-fold.  First, it is to remind you all we have is now—even as we take a breath now becomes then.  Each moment of now is all life guarantees us.

The second use of the exercise is to quiet anxiety, stress, and worry.  Most negative stress is like a rip tide, riding it  out is the way to go, fight a rip tide and you will get swept away.  When caught in a negative feeling, take a few moments to Observe the Now.   Here is how:

  1.  Take a Calming Breath
  2.  Stop for just a minute to focus your thoughts on your breath, on how each breath is different from the one before.
  3.  Breathe in and notice how different that feels from breathing out.
  4.  Breathe normally and notice how each breath is just a little different from the one before it and the one after it.
  5.  Enjoy the wonder of being able to breathe.  Give thanks.
  6.  Frown.  Think sad thoughts and notice how the frown and sad thoughts change the moment.
  7.  Take a deep calming breath, smile gently and think beautiful thoughts.
  8.  Notice how the smile and beautiful thoughts change the moment.
  9.  When you feel you are ready to end this exercise, take a deep breath and go back to what you were doing.

Observing the now is a way of letting go of the day and preparing yourself for sleep.  In fact it works so well for some that they often don’t stay awake long enough to practice the next exercise.  If as you are observing the now, you find yourself drifting off, be grateful and that will suffice for completing the next exercise.

 If we are incapable of finding peace in ourselves, it is pointless to search elsewhere.

                                                                       Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Parenting tipS

As noted in earlier posts, strengthening your child’s self-soothing skills and helping them rate pain remain the strategies that best prepare them to deal with Life Blows.

Do not, however, assume that a child is not dealing with pain, because he or she seems to be playing happily or behaving as usual.  Children are gifted with the capacity to be in the moment and can therefore distract themselves when the immediate pain of a traumatic event has passed.  But being able to face the bad and go on is better.

What to do? Talk about the event.  Family Meetings are a good time to talk about bad things that happen and why.  Doing so can start with the small hurts of life and that builds the strength needed to deal with the larger hurts.  If you do not hold family meetings, start now.  Jo Frost Super Nanny uses a Family Meeting format when she talks about rule changes.  Even toddlers are included.

Unsure about how to hold Family Meetings. Here’s a tip sheet. Also consider buying my book, How to Hold a Successful Family Meeting.  It costs less than a movie and does more good.

FMtip sheet

Less formal meetings can also be held, by saying, “This calls for a quick family meeting” and then following the rules set out above.  The agenda for such a meeting is limited to why the parents felt the need to call for a meeting.  Something bad happening is one reason, disobedience another, sudden change in plans a third.

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments also help.

This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

DAILY PROMPT  Wronged Objects  If your furniture, appliances, and other inanimate objects at home had feelings and emotions, to which item would you owe the biggest apology?

How this fits in with today’s EFTI Post:  Trivial and annoying, however, not a life blow.  Also can apply to EFTI’s post, for one person’s trivial might be another person’s trauma. Stay strong.

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free.

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.