Tag Archives: Life

GETTING MORE EMOTIONALLY FIT – SESSION ONE

SESSION ONE: Anger, shame, guilt, fear, desire, pain, sadness, jealousy, or lust bossing you?  Take this EFTI course and boss the feelings trying to boss you.

EQ instagrom intro to efti

Emotional Fitness tRAINING’s 101 Course

I am offering this course  on my blog and Emotional Fitness Facebook Page. The course puts you in charge of the feelings that boss you and create problems.  Being in  charge of your feelings keeps you on the path to the good life.

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL FITNESS?

Emotional fitness is about managing feelings. We can own our feelings or our feelings can own us.  Anger is a feeling that tries to own us: “I was angry; I couldn’t help myself.”  Sadness is another feeling that can own us. “I couldn’t do my work, I was so sad, I just sat there and cried.”  When we own our feelings, we are in control.

We are in charge of some feelings, not in charge of others. Sometimes we soar; sometimes we can’t get off the ground.  Everyone’s ability to manage one or another negative feeling can be improved.  Taking control of your feelings requires mastery of six skills

  1.  Feeling awareness: knowing when a feeling starts and how accurately name various feelings.
  2. Feeling measurement: knowing how to measure the growth of negative feelings so you can take action before the feeling controls you.
  3.  Self-soothing: calming the body so feelings do not take over.
  4.  Focusing the mind on what matters: knowing what is important—having a life affirming mission, setting positive goals
  5.  Feeling management: strategizing or thinking about how to act on what is important.
  6.  Acceptance and letting go: dealing with what cannot be changed.

EFTI  programs are based on the fitness model.  Even if born with a great athletic talent, you need practice and training to become a star.  So it is with emotional fitness;  emotional fitness levels and needs vary as widely as physical fitness levels and needs.  To star at managing feelings, you need training and practice.

 WHAt You need to know about the course

The course is based on courses I taught as a professor at Columbia University Graduate School of Social Work, on my experiences as the director of New York City crisis teams before, during and after 9/11, on my years as a foster parent caring for teens in trouble with the law, and on the growing interest in Emotional Intelligence.

My unique experience as a foster parent, lead me to want to turn clinical knowledge into  practical tips and exercises. There are six skills, and twelve daily exercises to review or  learn, and then strengthen.

The course is also designed to take at several levels. You can just scan the posts and take what you want or need when you can.

You can obtain a certificate of accomplishment  for adding to your resume by taking the course as you would a college course. Doing so involves taking  several mastery based tests as you work through the course. The mastery approach involves a self-graded testing system. When you take the test, if you fail, you simply review the material and take the test again. Few fail as the course is specifically designed to answer the questions. When you complete the course this way, you need to pay a small fee for the processing of your tests and issuing the certificate.

If you need  a certificate of completion for anger management, please contact us at emotfit@live.com for more information.  Taking the course may be enough, but more might be needed if you are court referred mandated to take anger management.

Finally, those  with credentials as a therapist or coach can use the course as the springboard for licensing as an Emotional Fitness Trainer.  If that is your interest contact me at emotfit@live.com.

To start you off, here are seven feelings facts you need to know and think about.

Seven Feeling factsOne of the questions on a test would be to state Feeling Fact Number Seven as that is the essentially Emotional Fitness Training’s Game Plan.

If you are a parent, taking this course, buffers you against the slings and arrows involved in raising children. Most importantly, however, the more emotionally fit you are, the more emotionally fit your children will be.

I hope you will share this information. As always, thank you for your support.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

IN TRANSIT: Train stations, airport terminals, subway stops: soulless spaces full of distracted, stressed zombies, or magical sets for fleeting, interlocking human stories?

Life is always in transit and most of the magic comes from you and your willingness to connect kindly to others.  Emotion Fitness Training makes that more possible.

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspirational quotes or exercises. Go there and subscribe to be notified of new additions.

How To Forgive Others and Yourself – Five tips

As a Jew this is the time of year to examine your behavior, seek forgiveness when you have failed go follow the right path, forgive others, and move forward.

Forgiveness quote

Emotional fitness thoughts

A guilty conscience is the first line of punishment. Forgiving others begins with realizing your need for forgiveness and examining your guilty conscience.  Why? Doing so connects you to what Judaism calls your  “Evil Inclinations.”

We all “Evil Inclinations”  These are the  selfish parts of each human that seeks personal needs without regard to others. Knowing our capacity for evil builds empathy, not just for yourself, but for those who do evil.

The second of the ten commandments prohibits  Idolatry.   The simplest way to think of the sin of Idolatry is to see it as “I Idolize I.”  I put my needs and wants above all others and do not care how others are hurt when I am seeking to meet my wants and desires.

Judaism’s  central premise of ethical  behavior is not to hurt others in ways you do not want to be hurt. The central mission of Judaism is the practice of Tikkun Olam, repairing the universe – trying to bring about a just and kind world.

Sins are not just personal faults or mis-doings according to Judaism.  On Yom Kippur all observant Jews will gather to confess not only their personal sins but all sins.  I have not murdered, but I will confess to murder; I will confess all sins whether I have personally sinned or not.

Why must I confess other people’s sins? Because when a member of the community sins, all in the community have failed, and therefore, all have sinned.

Emotional fitness tips

 Tip one: Make practicing forgiveness a daily exercise.  Here’s one of my Poster Coaches laying out an easy forgiveness exercise. It starts with forgiving yourself.

forgiveness exercise

 Tip two:  Find a community to support justice and mercy. We need justice in the world because evil takes over individuals and then evil individuals come together to overrule justice and kindness. We need a community because we need support in our efforts to practice justice and kindeness.

Tip three: Stay safe and keep other’s safe.  Forgiveness does not mean allowing yourself to be endangered or physically assaulted.

This is why I want  karate Peace Dojo’s to part of every educational facility. The world would be better if  all  students were taught what Peace Dojo’s teach.

Tip four: Grow both your self-awareness and your understanding of why others behave as they do. As one sage said, “To understand all is to forgive all.”

Tip five: Do not be swayed by evil beliefs dressed in fancy clothes. Here are five examples:

  1. Your parents, friends,  teachers, preachers, celebrities, journalists, politicians,  world leaders all speak the truth and nothing but the truth. Truth is in the eye of the beholder at least when spilled forth from a human mouth or pen or brain. You need to read oppositional points of view and even then your biases will often lead you to simple but not complete views of the truth.
  2. Things will make you happy: Despite all that the admen want you to believe, things cannot make you happy. Nor can winning the lottery, becoming a media star, being prettier, or having more money in the bank.
  3. You can have it all:  Just not possible. You can have lots, but no one has it all.
  4. You can just do it: Oprah says if she became a star anyone can. She lies. She demeans her talents and drive. She also sets a side luck meaning she had people who believed in her and she was in the right place at the right time. Imagine if she had been born before Lincoln freed the slaves.
  5. Follow your heart, your gut or your intuition.  Love is blind, murderers follow their guy, intuition only works some of the time. Marrying thought and heart, gut, intuition works best.

Stay STrong

At the moment of our death,  some say, our  lives flash before our eyes. Getting stuck in the viewing the evil we have done is my personal idea of hell.   We know deep in our hearts all we have done wrong.  Not just the stuff of our personal consciences which are dictated by our culture, our families, and our personal experiences, but the stuff  viewed by the eyes of the Creator, the Higher Power, or what most of us call our God.

One of the thoughts about Yom Kippur, is that is the day God judges humankind, but then leaves the throne of justice and sits on the throne of mercy.  From that throne forgiveness is given all who see they have sinned and seek to sin no more.

Knowing what matters and knowing that is being kind, makes forgiving all th more possible. My Mission and Goals E-book elaborates on that concept.

If you like this post share it with another.  That is practicing deliberate kindness which is another easy Emotional Fitness Exercise and the sublect of today’s Free Poster Coach.

As always, thank you for your support.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

POST INSPIRATION

Word Press’s Post of the Day:   Howl at the Moon – “Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.” Do you follow Ginsberg’s advice — in your writing and/or in your everyday life?

Yes, I howl at the moon, but I try to remember what matters and to behave accordingly.

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspirational quotes or exercises. Go there and subscribe to be notified of new additions.

 

How To Settle For Good Enough – Five Tips

Today’s WordPress Challenge was to write for ten minutes and then stop and publish. You could edit, but  I have chosen not to edit. Why? Read on.

3 =2 =7 Dunce

That’s me, I cannot do math. But this post is about  disgryphia, a writting disoprder I also have. And how I still managed to publish two in print books and 20 ebooks. Dysgraphia taught my a number of things.  Those things? Living with imperfection is one.  When you can’t do something the way you want, you either keep trying or stop.  Many with learning disabilities and dysgprahia to one of two thinggs:

  1. Descide what they want to do cannot by done perfection and so stop. Ofen decdiding they are stupid.
  2. keep trying and failing and feeling bad.
  3. Keep trying and have a bit of success, but still feel stupid.

I fall into the third category.  I kept trying. There are lessons in why I kept trying.

One: was I had other talentes.  I loved reading and did not have dsylexia.  In the long run if you want to writed being a good reader helps. I also am very bright. Not bragging and I didn’t think so until well into my 50’s but I do think better than the average bear.

Two: My father loved wrting - he was a news reproter and published his own small weekly newspaper.  Parents model what matters.

Eary arly on I wanted to be an newspaper reporter. It was important to my dad and thereor important to me. And very soon I started loving to write also.

Three; IHad teacers who honored my strengths.  They saw  that I was bright inspite of my defiecientces.  They encouraged my brain more than perfection. Ture, my poor spelling lead to slightly lower grades, but my strengths carried me on.

Four: Along wtih caring teachers, I gree wup with lots less pressoure about school an d higher education than the kids to day. I loved learning and still do. Not that school was all fun.  I failed lots  – I also have dyscalculai and cannot do may/  I  basically passed my math courses on the kindness of teachers wjp would give me the lowest possible passing grade, but pass me.   I would not make it trhough todya’s testing.

Fvie:  Word processing came along and that mean I could corredt enough errors to get published. what I wronte that I had enough success to keep trying.

Six: Then I became a foster parent and in time my husband and I  cared for over 300 kids, 4 to 6 at a time,  all needing a home for a hort period of time.  Some a few days, others everal months.

Our kids were mostly teens and all in trouble with the law. Caring for so many troubled teens  became asomething unique to write about and eventually sell. My book Wehen Good Kids Do Bad Things  writing almost 40 years agot things is now available as an ebook and that has lead to getting other books published.

Seven:  I learned when good enough was good enough, perfection was  not needed.

EightLO leaned to live with failure, somthing kids donn’t get practice doing today.

Nine: Out of those lessons I developed my Emotional Fitness Programs and because life made me practece what I preach, I learned to focus on what matters, soothe myself when things got bad, live in the good as much as I possible.

Good life lessons that I am still trying to pass on.

Ten I learend when trying wa s not enough and that I could not do all I hoped or wanted to do. .

EMOTIONAL fITNESS TIPs

Tip one:  Perfection is rarely needed.  Even nerosurgerons only need to be neer perfect and I guess accountants would not keep their jobs if they could not do math. But do take the time to think about what needs to be near perfect, what is good enough, what should be done no matter how badly, and what can be left undone.

Tip two:Do as much of what you love as often as you can whether it breings success or just fthe joy of doing.

Tip three: Develop manners and a good work ethic. Most of us will not be stars and many of us will have to work at jobs we do not like inorder to pay the rest. Life. Manners and a good work ethic are job finders and keepers.

Tip four: Have a mission that matters and learn to set SMART goals and I have writtne a book about that.  SMART goals help you know when to stop. 

Tip five: Practice kindness and be grateful for all you have. 

STAY STRONG

Not mentioned inthe things I learned was that two things are needed to be a success in addition to some talent and hard work.  Those two things: luck and resources.

I had the luck to have a good brain, some talents and some of the essential resources.  The most essential resources are people who care and who have faith in you as you are.  My parents gave me that support; my teachers and eventually my editors gave me the dind of support needed to become a moderately successful writher.

I have not had the financial resources needed to hire help that would make my blog and ebook writing more successful.  Which is why it matters athat I love sharing knowledge and writing my blog.

There is a form of luck we ofther overlook.  My paretns also taught me that what really matters is whether you are kind and working to make the world better. You do have to have your personal phsycialc surviala needs to have the time and energy to practice kindness.  But the world is full of people who are barely surving, living in war zones and still manage daily acts o f kindness.  The more we have the more we are  obligated to help those who have less. when we have the emotinal strength or physical strength to help others we are among the luckiest.

If you like this post share it with another.  That is practicing deliberate kindness which is another easy Emotional Fitness Exercise and the sublect of today’s Free Poster Coach.

As always, thank you for your support.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspirational quotes or exercises. Go there and subscribe to be notified of new additions.

Practice Deliberate Kindness ass an Emotional Fitness Exercise.

All EFTI Poster Coaches are offered as free digitial downloads at the EFTI Store.

 POST INSPIRATION

This post was prompted by this Word Press DAILY PROMPT: Ready, Set, Done – Our weekly free-write is back: take ten minutes — no pauses! — to write about anything, unfiltered and unedited. You can then publish the post as-is, or edit a bit first — your call.

You have read the results.

 Image by blue pencililu.com 

How To Tell Fact From Fiction – Five Tips

Thinking about personal ideas of “what is” versus reality  improves self-awareness, a key #emotionalintelligence skill that  grows as you grow.

Life's hard, grow up

Growing up means seeing what is, not what we hope is. Many of us fail to make that leap.

Emotional Fitness thoughts

Once survival is assured, most human behavior gets driven by  the quest for pleasure. We follow our heart and its desires.   What does that mean in terms of our thinking?

The pleasures found in  certainty and control often distort our ability to code reality accurately.  Every human being wants  a predictable world that allows individual control. The more control, the more peace of mind, the more pleasure.

However, the real world is not predictable. Some people win the lottery, others die suddenly in accidents;  disease ravages, lightning strikes, and people betray. Moreover, as much as we like to think our prayers or thoughts or actions control such things, we control little.  We don’t direct lightning strikes.  We can do everything right in a relationship and be betrayed.  Disease comes unbidden. We all age and die.

These are brute facts and cause mega doses of uncertainty and pain.  The creative source that made our world wisely introduces us slowly to the uncertainties and hardships of life.  Why?

Life is a marathon, a long trip down roads of pleasure and pain.  We need to develop lots of  emotional strength before we can bear seeing what is instead of what we hope is. .

Our brains develop slowly in the ability  to see reality. Children eagerly believe in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Ghost and Goblins. Then  about the age of seven or eight, their brains change; they better code reality and some wonder why adults lied to them.

Another big shift awaits some, but not all.  That shift expands  thinking based on  personal experience and what is in the world around you. How?

By allowing you to come back to the magic of childhood, but in a different way. The child who believes in fairies, ghosts, or goblins thinks these are real.

One such child, told his parents “A little man lives in the traffic lights and turns them on and off.”

Once the child gives up magical thinking, he or she gets stuck in thinking only about what is. Such a child cannot think about what might me.  The child who moves to next big brain shift knows such things are not real, but also that some could be.   The  world of the invisible or mysterious or seemingly impossible becomes possible. Why many teens become fascinated with the occult. This final stage is called abstract thought.

If you are a parent, when your loving pre-teen suddenly turns against you, particularly when in public or their friends are around, abstract thought plays a part. How?  You are now being compared against imaginary parents that are perfect. In time, hopefully, the child will realize no parents are perfect and theirs were probably good enough or better.

Back to tips for coding reality.

EMOTIonal Fitness Tips

Tip one: If it is too good to be true, it isn’t.

Tip two: If it feels good, it might not be.

Tip three:  If it is a sound bite, it is selling you a bill of goods. Always follow the money and see who is trying to sell you what.

Tip four:  You can never know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Tip five:  The more views of something, the more truth might emerge. As one pundit said, “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer” meaning know them better.  The more you read of opposing views about your beliefs, the more you might get a glimpse of the truth.

STAY STRONG

When it comes to acting on beliefs, two things matter. Those things? Safety and kindness.

With all the talk of believing  the best in others and yourself, bullying gets ignored.  So always stay safe, which is why I think the best things school could to to fight bullying is to hire Peace DoJos as physical education and health teachers and why I am for reasonable gun carry laws.

Harness safety with kindness; brain with  heart, and intuition with thought; that is the path to properly coding what is.

Finally, the kinder you are the more you learn about another and yourself. Never think you know all about another person, for you do not even know all about yourself.

Thank you for all you do. Please share this if you found it helpful. You will be practicing kindness for you, me, and  hopefully some others.

Katherine

 LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspirational quotes or exercises. Go there and subscribe to be notified of new additions.

POST INSPIRation

Word Press’s Post of the Day: The Great Divide When reading for fun, do you usually choose fiction or non-fiction? Do you have an idea why you prefer one over the other?

As noted above I think all we read is fiction at one level or another. I do read what I call get away novels most mysteries, but I also like to read historical novels that bring me to another world and add to my understanding of all worlds.

 Image found on rabbipaul.blogspot.com