Tag Archives: Life

HOW TO FORGIVE – THE SECRET TO CARING

Whether it is caring for you or for another, you need to hone the skill of forgiveness.  All humans need to be forgiving and forgiven.

Forgiveness laughs

As you laugh, think about what matters.

Some things are unforgivable, but very few. When seeking to forgive your self and others, rate what you are seeking to forgive on a scale of ten.  Here’s mine:

  • Murder is at the top and = 10.
  • Killing another in self defense =9
  • Physical torture or assault = 8
  • Slavery = 7
  • Theft = 6
  • Betrayal and emotional abuse = 5
  • Name calling, harmful gossip,  and character assaults = 4
  •  Conflicting needs of yours that hurt another = 3
  • Unintentional emotional hurts and slights = 2
  • No hurts but to your conscience = 1

Debate flourishes around some of these. For example the question of slavery. Does the business world enslave people. Yes, and yet not the same as those held captive and forced to work against their will.

Another example? Excessive profit taking can be a form of theft, withholding help from the truly needy another form.

Betrayal, emotional abuse, name calling, harmful gossip, character assaults and on down are murkier.

To think more about universal morality, visit the Links of Importance  at the bottom of this post. .

Most of us do two things that make forgiveness more difficult. We awfulize the level 5 and below hurts that others impose on us.  Better to forgive as hanging on to such things only really hurts you. No one can hurt or emotionally abuse you without some consent on your part.

The second things we do about forgiving ourselves.  There we awfulize are small sins and feel like with have murdered another and often when they do not feel we have hurt them at all.

 PARENTING Thoughts

Parenting goes better if you practice forgiving yourself, your child, your other parent, and others who care.  Doing so models what matters.  It also helps to teach your child the art of apologizing. So make sure you apology properly and often when you hurt your child.

How to apology

 IMPROVE YOUR CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS

The heart of emotional intelligence is the ability to know what your heart tells you to do, but then partnering with your thinking skills so you make the best decision possible. I use Daily Prompts to help me think more critically.  Here’s today’s.

DAILY PROMPT Time Capsule:  What would you put in this year’s time capsule to channel the essence of our current moment for future generations?

Easy: Each generation needs to learn to practice kindness, forgiveness of others, forgiveness of self if there is to be peace on earth.

How would you answer this prompt?

Links of importance

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post where it will be seen often.

Poster Coaches can also be used at family, staff meetings, in classes to motivate or spark discussions. Many are free.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same. Like daily physical fitness keeps you strong, practicing some Emotional Fitness Training Exercises keeps you emotionally strong. Forgiving others is one; forgiving yourself another.

Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to Practice Kindness (an easy Emotional Fitness Exercise is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.

Katherine

ONE GREAT TIP FOR LETTING GO OF BETRAYAL

First love mixes lust and the heady feeling of finding someone who seems tp know your deepest self. As is said, “Love is blind” so love always betrays.

#emotionalintelligence #parentingtips #fitness

Desperately  seeking someone to affirm you keeps you running away from what could be. It is delusional  and twisted thinking.  We all need to get better at coding reality. 

Reality check: We are not capable of knowing all about ourselves and love ourselves unconditionally. It is delusional to expect others to be all affirming. 

Very few first loves survive the reality check of on-going life.  Romeo and Juliet’s love may not have died, but they did and who knows whether their love would have survived real life. Probably not.

A few people are lucky enough to live happily or mostly happily ever after with their first love.  Even then when one finally dies, the other feels betrayed.

Most of my friends married right out of high school or college. In high school, I planned to marry my first love after college. He found another and my heart broke.

Guess what?  I survived and endured a few more heart breaks before  I found Mr. Right. Moreover, he was often Mr. Wrong, but we fit together, were best friends, and had survived  enough fights to know we’d make it to old age together. By that time  I married, many of my married friends were divorcing were seeking other happy-ever- after mates. For many, the second marriage ended also.

I am grateful for the gift of my  first love, and  eventually also grateful for the heart-break and what it taught me.  Here are the lessons.

Even those who love you with all their hearts betray you. That’s life’s hardest lesson.  Babies are betrayed when parents cannot comfort the pain of colic; toddlers when parents can end terror of what lurks in the dark.

Teens wake up one day and believe  all adults have lied because the teen meets life head on and many things they were taught seem wrong. Some of those things:

  1. People who say they love you will never  hurt you.
  2. God is all loving and all powerful.
  3. Bad things don’t happen to good people not even to half good people.
  4. Your dreams will all come true if only you follow your heart and work hard.
  5. Love means always being understood and never having to say you are sorry.

The tip? Expect less you will be coding reality better.  Reality is a mixture of good and bad; what we know and what we cannot know.  The better we code reality, the less we will feel betrayed. As the author of the Microbe Hunters, Paul de Kruif noted, “Blessed are those who expect nothing for they shall not be disappointed.”

PARENTING TIP

Children’s brains are programmed to introduce the hard facts of life slowly; a child’s ability to deny and live in the moment is a protective gift of the Creator of All Things.  This means a parent must stay aware of age and stage to help the process of coding reality.  This parenting post discusses that in more detail.

THINK harder

The heart of becoming emotionally fit, what the gurus call Emotionally Intelligent, lies in thinking clearly.  Not easy for our emotions cloud our thoughts. I think harder by following some daily prompts. Here is today’s

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above,  I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.

Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.

Katherine

 

SIX TIPS TO MAKE AMENDS WHEN YOU FALL PREY TO PROPAGANDA – A SNEAKY HYPNOTISM POST

Ever post or quote something somewhere and then discover later your passion lead you into believing and sharing propaganda.  I just did. Shame on me.

Quotes about propaganda

What was my mistake? Sharing  a post on Facebook without fact checking it first. The post spoke to my heart and I was rushing and fact checking takes time.  Even after being called to task when I tried to  fact check  my efforts only revealed a partial story.

I was ashamed of myself, however. Shame always asks us to hide our flaws. What shame is supposed to do is to keep us from doing the unthinkable. Shame also asks us to hide, to sink from sight, and to keep our wrong doing secret.  Emotional intelligent gurus all say in most cases the way to deal with a negative feeling is to act against its urging.  In terms of shame that means not hiding and admitting when you did wrong.

How the deception worked in this case using a  picture from one story to get you to read a different second story.  The headline made it seem the picture was related to the second story and it was not.  Moreover, when I checked the second story it seemed that the facts in it possibly true, but it was impossible to ferret out the truth.  Sigh.

A friend who  had seen the original picture in their local newspapers and knew the story it related to corrected my version, and did so politely.  Others were not so polite.

Either way  I did what I should have done before sharing. I fact checked  and came up with the how I had let my passions lead me astray.  Then, I re-tracked the post and apologized.

Those who know me well , were supportive and I am grateful for their seeing the whole me and forgiving my mistake.

Tip one: The more your passions are aroused, the more you might be in Sneaky Hypnotism’s control.

Tip two: Practice forgiveness when you or another get caught in passing along propaganda. We all do.

Tip three: Be transparent about your bias.  Anyone who knows me knows I am passionately pro-Israeli and anti-violence. They should also know I do not think defending yourself from killer attacks is violence.

Tip four: Apologize when you err and that means retracking false information as well as saying you are sorry. 

Tip five: Make amends. This post is one of my efforts to do so.

Tip Six:  As always work to improve your critical thinking skills. 

IMPROVE YOUR THINKING SKILLS

Applying this WordPress daily prompt to today’s post   Easy Fix  – Write a post about any topic you wish, but make sure it ends with “And all was right in the world.”  See my answer at the bottom of this post.

PARENTING TIPs

Parenting tip one: Teach you children critical thinking skills and do so being aware of age and stage. This previous post details some ways to do that.

Parenting tip two: Teach your children to take responsiblity for their mistakes. Mistakes are for learning.

Parenting tip three: Teach your children to how to apologize,

Parenting tip four: Teach your children how to practice forgiveness.

Parenting tip five: Teach your children  how to  make amends. 

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above I often fail. I am not perfect, not one is and that is the subject of Monday’s blog post.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.

MY ANSWER TO THE  PROMPT  Easy Fix

Ending any activity with the hope that all will be right with the world is useful and dangerous.  Useful because it build hope and comforts. Dangerous because it can lead to ignoring and not working on what needs to happen to make wrongs right.

 

AN EXAMPLE OF SNEAKY HYPNOTISM IN AN AD

This ad drives me crazy. It represents one of the most prevalent uses of Sneaky Hypnotism on the media.

Experts need to create doubt about your ability to get by without their help.  Otherwise no one would seek their services.  Can you see how this one uses Sneaky Hypnotism to do that?

Here’s my take.  Using a  child asking super smart questions creates doubt in the father about his smarts. Will do the same in a viewer. Then, of course, the ad is designed to create worry about the future, specifically a family’s financial security. The very use of the word Expert is hypnotizing. Finally, the motto “Own your tomorrow” points you to the future, which can and often does pull a person into a mild trance state..

Tip one:   Be aware.  That is what Emotional Fitness  Training’s Sneaky Hypnotist’s Posts are all about. That is also why I have made this month Sneaky Hypnotism Month.

Tip two: Learn all you can about hypnotism.  Knowledge is power.

Tip two: Find an ethical hypnotist that can teach you self-hypnotism. One of the suggestions you can give yourself is to never go into a trance at someone else’s suggestion.

Tip Three: Watch the ads, as I do, for Sneaky Hypnotist tricks. Doing so improves your thinking skills and awareness if who or what thoughts are trying to control you mindlessly.

PARENTING TIPs

Parenting tip one: Children are smart, but often seem smarter than they really are.  Understanding how a child thinks at different ages and stages remains a major parenting task. This is particularly true when it helping a child code reality – which strengthens him or her against Sneaky Hypnotists. Here is a quick summary about how children think as they grow.

  1. Infants do not think, they take in information.  
  2. From ages 2 to 7, children think, but magical Fairy Tale Thinking.  At these ages, a child believes toys are real, thoughts are real, the people on movie or tv screens are real, dreams are real. We encourage  such thinking when we promote Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Tinker Bell, Ghosts and Goblins.  These are already in a mild trance state.  Encourage thinking about reality more than joining in the fantasy.  Easy enough to do by calling play “play,  make believe, “make believe,” and wishes “wishes.”  The child won’t care or know the difference at first, but in time will understand the concept. 
  3. About six or” a bit later: Personal Knowledge Thinking begins. The child stops believing in  fairy tale thinking and starts believing in what the gurus call the concrete. That means what the child has personally experienced, particularly things s/he can touch play the biggest role.  However, what the voices of the grownups in the child’s world teach and preach also plays a part.
  4. From the early teens on: Deep Thinking.  As the teens approach, more and more youth become able to think about personal knowledge and compare it to other people’s knowledge. This is essentially what abstract thinking is about – comparing thoughts with differing thoughts.   Teens, however, tend to lack the kinds of experience that lead to wise behaviors.

Parenting tip two: Praise learning, trying and not general smartness.  Why?  Some kids praised too much for being smart get hypnotized into  thinking they know all they need to know.  Not being sceptical about what you know makes you easier prey.

Parenting tip three: Teach your child to meditate and  as you do embed a suggestion that the child is the one bringing about this type of trance state, not anyone else. 

Parenting tip four: As you child moves toward adolescence, discuss Sneaky Hypnotism.

Parenting tip five: Use the media to get your child to spot Sneaky Hypnotism efforts of the ad people.

IMPROVE YOUR THINKING SKILLS

Apply this WordPress daily prompt – to today’s post. What was the last picture you took? Tell us the story behind it. (No story behind the photo? Make one up, or choose the last picture you took that had one.)

See my answer at the bottom of this post.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult, relationships painful, dreams lost. Staying strong and practicing the Daily Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises keeps me better able to practice deliberate kindness.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE POSTER COACHES 

Don’t think you can afford a life coach?  Our poster coaches are free. Browse the EFTI Store for one.  Like a live coach, all remind you to practice what matters, some offer inspiration or laughs,  others tips, exercises and tools to improve your emotional intelligence.

To use as a coach, download the poster you pick,  print it up , preferably in color and on card stock, and post where you will see it regularly.  When you see it, take a calming breathe, focus for a few moments on the poster, take another calming breath and then go about your day.

MY ANSWER TO IMPROVE YOUR THINKING SKILLS –  The last picture and this post?  Pictures are part of how we think, how we day-dream, how we get into a trance. Many of the pictures controlling our mind are sent by those selling something.  Good and bad, pictures are a form of Sneaky Hypnotism sending a message that your brain often absorbs without conscious awareness.  Being aware of all the tricks used by Sneaky Hypnotists reduces their power.

Stay strong, it takes work but EFT makes it easier