Tag Archives: Mental Health

5 Tips for Making Wishes Come True

“If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.”  as my mother often said. I hated hearing that, but she was giving me an important reality check.

Quotes about wishes

Wishing does not make it so, but wishing has it uses. Mainly it gives us hope. As the last quote states however, you need to do two things to make your wishes come true.

Emotional Fitness Training Tips

 Emotional Fitness Training tip one: Turn your wishes into SMART goals.

How to set SMART Goals

For more help with setting goals buy my eBook Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals.  It costs$3.01 and that is  less than a movie. Moreover I think you will agree has longer lasting value.

Emotional Fitness Training tip two: No matter how busy you are work toward your SMART goal six days a week.  Try to give at least an hour toward your goal, but fifteen minutes is better than none.  Read The War of Art by Steven Pressfield for inspiration.

Why six days and not all seven? We all need one day off from work even when trying to get reach our most heart-felt goal.

Emotional Fitness Training tip three: Do not let perfectionism hold you back. I have let that happen. Not helpful. Best to put something out there and perfect it as you go along.

Emotional Fitness Training tip four: Expect failure along the way. Keep going, but also at some point remember as I have found out, :”When a goal is not met, the wrong goal was set.”

Emotional Fitness Training tip five: Remember what matters. 

PARENTING ADVICE

Until a child is in the second or third grade and has learned to read, he who she tends to think wishing makes it so. That is part of the magic of childhood and adults encourage it.

Better to accept what the child believes, but to at the same time, label wishes and hopes and not all come true. The same with Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy. Fun but not real. Your child’s pleasure will not be diminished, but when s/he does begin to doubt such things, you will not be seen as having lied. Moreover, you have been helping him or her code reality better. .

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Please Practice Kindness by sharing all you find of value on the internet including this post.  All crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.”Comments say you have read and thought about the post.Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness bless you.Stay strong, it is not always easy.

Katherine

This post was inspired by a WordPress Daily Prompt – Three Coins in the Fountain. Have you ever tossed a coin or two into a fountain and made a wish? Did it come true?

Yes, sometimes, no other times.

LINKS OF INTERESTThese links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Tips for Combatting Prejudice – Yours and Others

I look out of my window, I see a dark skinned man wearing a hoodie looking back at me. Trouble? No he is just making a cell phone call and staring mindlessly in my direction.  But yes, I did know a moment’s fear.

#Quotes about prejudice

EMOTIONAL FITNESS THOUGHTS

When we label one person as a member of a group we are being prejudiced.Whenever you place one person in a group, you are making a generalization and that is prejudice. As defined by the social psychologists, “Prejudice is an unjustified or incorrect attitude (usually negative) towards an individual based solely on the individual’s membership of a social group.”

I am not saying labels don’t have some value, but I like labels to be seen mainly on files, and even then only if the label reflects what the file actually contains. I don’t think I am alone in the world when it comes to finding my files often contain items totally at odds with the label on the outside of the folder.

What has gotten me thinking about this? The recent political debates, but also a WordPress Post asking me what I saw when I looked out my window. The introduction to this post is what I saw.

Actually, this is a post I had started many weeks ago as a response to the fact that most conversations seemed to end up putting labels on one person or another.  This includes conversations heard or seen at the movies, on the TV, heard on the radio,  read on various email lists, discussed  over lunch or dinner with friends, and in daily conversations with my husband.

In a number of these conversations those who strongly disagree with me call me Baby-killer, Christian Conservative, Islama-phobic Jew, Racist, Nigger Lover, Radical, Bigoted Hillbilly, Reactionary, Pacifist, Conservative, Stupid, Card Carrying Republican, Card Carrying Democrat, Tea Party Girl Patriot, Member of the Moral Majority, Slut, Sinner, Communist, A Goody Two Shoes, Bleeding Heart and Ignoramus.

Contrarian would fit me best, for in most conversations I knee jerk defend whoever is being attacked. You will not be surprised to know that one of my mother’s nicknames for me was “Mary, Mary Quite Contrary.”

WHAT CAUSES PREJUDICE

At the heart of all this labeling is the ancient brain’s fear when faced with the contradictory or unknown;  want an easily understood and predictable world. To have a sense that is the real world, our brain loves categories.

As children we tend to believe “what is is normal.” It takes the expanding mind of the adolescent to begin thinking that was is “normal” actually might not be what should be. This probably is as much a factor in the turmoil that some adolescents experience, as the confusion created by raging of hormones.

Moreover, the more another’s beliefs contradict something held dear to your heart, the more your world of beliefs de-stabilizes. Your whole internal world shakes when you start to doubt your beliefs.

Jerome Kagan, Harvard researcher, says uncertainty distresses us particularly uncertainty about our strongly held beliefs. He also notes that one way to get rid of the distress is to blame the person making us uncertain. We get angry instead of frightened. For many anger feels better than fear.

We handle fear of the unknown by clinging to the known. That explains why many of us gather in our own tribes and clans and  avoid getting to know those in other tribes.

At our primitive brain level we are all prejudiced. What varies, or which prejudice operates most strongly, is what we  learn and that often depends on what our parents or others in our surroundings teach.

The fact that the content of our prejudices is learned is cause for hope. Learned behaviors can be unlearned. We owe it to our children and all children to take active steps to unlearn our conscious and unconscious prejudices. Here are some tips for reducing the prejudices that try to control or boss you.

Emotional Fitness Training Tips

Tip one: Know the beliefs dearest to your heart. These are the ones that will probably lead to anger or righteous indignation on your part. I’ll admit, it works that way for me. Knowing that at least keeps me somewhat more open to trying to understand another person’s point of view.

Tip two: Open your eyes a bit to the less savory elements of your heart-cherished beliefs. Rather than responding with an either/or approach, try thinking yes/and …  Yes, religion is useful for teaching some values but religion can also be a tool for feeling morally superior to others. Yes, the United States can behave just as badly as many tyrannies, and the United States also is more religiously tolerant and more devoted to freedom of expression than those same tyrannies.

Tip three: Speak out against obvious prejudices. You will not always be heard but some will think more about what matters

Tip four: Practice kindness in your everyday interactions with every one you meet.

HERE ARE SOME ADDITIONAL TIPS FROM THE SOUTHERN POVERTY’S LAW CENTER Web page

Their belief is that the main way to fight prejudice is to increase your personal knowledge of other people and cultures. Here are some of their suggestions for doing that:

  1. Attend services at a variety of churches, synagogues, mosques and temples to learn about different faiths.
  2. Shop at ethnic grocery stores and specialty markets. Get to know the owners. Ask about their family histories.
  3. Learn sign language.
  4. Make it a point to break bread with a member of another ethnic group.
  5. Attend a play, listen to music, or go to a dance performance by artists whose race or ethnicity is different from your own.
  6. .Take a conversation course in another language preferably one that is spoken in your community.

There is a personal benefit to be gained by following any of these tips. You will reducethe stress of uncertainty  and you might make a new friend or two.

PARENTING ADVICE

Too many openly or quietly teach hatred. Do not join them. All children need a safer and more tolerant world to become the best s/he can be. Hatred diminishes all.

If you practice the tips above, you will be teaching them to your children.  As they age talk more openly about prejudice and how it can boss us.Finally, take them with you when you follow the Southern Policy Center’s Tips.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Please Practice Kindness by sharing all you find of value on the internet including this post.  All here crave recognition.A like says “Thank You.”Comments say you have read and thought about the post.Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness bless you.Stay strong, it is not always easy.

Katherine

 LINKS OF INTERESTThese links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

1 Mega Tip Plus a Few Others to Clear Up Faulty Thinking

We all have our histories, we all are taught other histories then we shape our lives on both versions one which maybe true than the other. Think about this:

Quote from Declaration of Independece

As an African proverb from the Ewe-mina tribe notes:”Gnatola ma no kpon sia, eyenabe adelan to kpo mi sena.” meaning in English “Until the lion has his or her own storyteller, the hunter will always have the best part of the story.”

For the men who wrote the Declaration of Independence, the emphasis was on the right to pursue happiness.   Today those word are  often  interpreted as the right to be happy. More so on the Social Media, but also on revered newspapers like the New York Times.

Questions to ask before believing something

Thinking you have a right to be happy fuels anger or despair  when you are not happy.  If you get angry, you feel it is right to fight those you blame for making you unhappy.; not useful.  If you despair, you are blaming yourself, also not useful. We all want to be happy, but life is full of pain as well as joy. False expectations of happiness dim the possiblity of enjoying what we can enjoy.

Moreover, the media, particularly those selling stuff, knows that not being happy fuels sales. Why images of perfection and mottos like “Just Do It” have a destructive side. Why I often suggest you practice imperfection and the contentment that comes with “good-enough” or “the best I can do for now.”

A MEGA Emotional Fitness Training tip

Learn to spot twisted thinking in others and in yourself. Because personal desires twist everyone’s thinking; which is why Emotional Fitness Training demands partnering heart and brain.  The more you know about twisted thinking, the better you code reality which is essential if one is to act wisely.  Here’s a quick look at how some thoughts get twisted as we pursue our dreams and desires.

How we twist thoughts to meet desires.

I pursue sharpening my thinking skills in two ways. The easiest ways is looking for examples of the above in social media.

The second way is to take opposing view points in arguments whether I believe the opposition or not. That is why many think I am a Right Wing Conservative and others a far out Leftist, and a few others a Libertarion. Mostly I try to be an independent thinker and vote issues not labels.

This post was somewhat inspired by this WordPress Daily Prompt.  Revisionist History by Michelle W. Go back in time to an event you think could have played out differently for you. Let alternate history have its moment: tell us what could, would or should have happened?

Not that I followed the post, but it did prompt my thinking about history – personal and otherwise.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember to share all you find of value on the internet.  All here crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness bless you.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

 

1 Mega Tip for Thinking More About What Matters –

Read this story and then think about what matters.

Rod Steiger Story

“We grow too soon old and too late smart” Dutch Proverb

A Mega Emotional Fitness Training Tip: The more you think you know, the more your heart pushes your beliefs, the more you need to think more about what matters; the more you must think and think and think again.  

As the sages of the ages often note, “Love is blind.” When love of anything has you following your heart and your desires thoughtlessly, you out of touch not just with what matters, but with reality.

Heart, intuition must be linked to thought in order for you to act wisely and safely.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember to share all you find of value on the internet.  All here crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness bless you.

Katherine

This post was inspired by this Word Press Daily PromptS/he Said
by Michelle W. Pause whatever you’re doing, and ask the person nearest you what they’re thinking about (call someone if you have to). Write a post based on the results.

I moved on thinking I wouldn’t post today, but then read this story about Rod Steiger and there you are. Thank you Dr. Mardy’s Quotes for the story.

LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.