Tag Archives: postaday

HOLDING ON OR LETTING GO OF A DREAM – DAY TWENTY- FOUR

Here’s a hard fact of life: Nothing works all the time, for all people, in all situations. Harder truth: Trying harder won’t make some dreams come true.

Questions to ask about reaching for a dream

” Why is it called Rush Hour when nothing is moving? ” Robin Williams

Added suggestions. If you have not put some  SMART goals under your dreams, you need to do so now. If you don’t want to do that, see that as wanting to enjoy the dream, but not being motivated enough to work at it. And that is fine, dreams are fun, just be realistic about yours.  Here is the SMART goal poster if you missed it.

How to set SMART Goals

parenting tips

Every child can be a STAR if not an academy award or most valuable player type. STARs are those who learn as they grow to Stop, Think, Act wisely, Reap rewards.  Children start off as FAT Heads; creatures who Feel, Act, and Think in that order.  FAT heads do things that get them into trouble,  create regrets or make others unhappy. Parents slowly but surely must help children learn to stop, see reality, think about what matters sot they can act wisely  Not easy and takes years.   The following tips help:

Tip one: Understand age and stage so your expectations of your child. Too many parents and care givers treat children like miniature adults, particularly about how children think. .

Tip two: Discipline matters. See this Parenting post for the ABCs of Discipline

Tip three: When your child dreams, put fun first.

Tip four: When your child is moving into puberty, teach SMART goal setting. Do so at a family business meeting?  Don’t have family business meetings? These are best started when your child enters school, but if you didn’t start then, start now.  Learn how. Get an in print copy of my  How To Hold a Successful Family Meeting from Create Space.  It costs less than a movie and will do more than entertain you for an hour or more. It is also available on Kindle.

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

I often use these prompts to spark my posts.  They work to improve  critical thinking - the heart of emotional intelligence. You can think about the prompts  as stated or use them to spark other thoughts which is what I usually do. If I put on my thinking cap the prompts can be related to Emotional Fitness. Here’s how I did that for this post.

DAILY PROMPT  –  Sparkling or Still: What’s your idea of a perfect day off: one during which you can quietly relax, doing nothing, or one with one fun activity lined up after the other? Tell us how you’d spend your time.

I like variation, so want still time and sparkling time.  Sharing knowledge and having people like what I say are the sparkles of my life.  Makes writing and blogging fun if not lucrative.

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free.

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

LINKS OF INTEREST

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps me ratings. This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

SESSION TWENTY-TWO

Asking another to change is asking to win the lottery. Here are some ways to increase the odds in your favor. 

#feelingmanagement #parenting tips #emotionalintelligence

Think this is a long and complicated process?  It is.  How easily do you change a habit or the way you do things.  Change is difficult for most people. This might be a good time to learn and remember the revised Serenity Prayer.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.

When you are asking another for change and it becomes clear that person either cannot or will not change (often different sides of the same coin), you then need to think about your choices in terms of the relationship.  Change may not be possible, can you live with things the way they are?

parenting tips

Because children’s survival depends on pleasing parents a child often changes as parents want.  Not always, however as the terrible twos and terrifying threes show.   Still parents are charged with civilizing children: four rules matters and cover most things.

  1. Keeping everyone safe.
  2. Respecting others – manners matter.
  3. Respecting property.
  4. Respecting reasonable laws.

The first needs enforcing when the child starts crawling and walk. The second and third are best taught from three to six.  Reasonable laws are best taught along with safety. “The law says stop when the light is red, that keeps everyone safe.”

When the teens are entered,  the time has arrived to discuss what is a reasonable law and reasonable ways to go about seeking change.   And here is another revised Serenity Prayer, for parents of some teens.

God, grant me the serenity to accept that the only difference between teens and psychopaths is that most teens eventually change. The courage to smile around gritted teeth and ground the offender. And the wisdom not to smother anyone in their sleep no matter how tempting.

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

I often use these prompts to spark my posts.  They work to improve  critical thinking - the heart of emotional intelligence. You can think about the prompts  as stated or use them to spark other thoughts which is what I usually do. If I put on my thinking cap the prompts can be related to Emotional Fitness. Here’s how I did that for this post.

DAILY PROMPT - Golden Key: You’ve been given a key that can open one building, room, locker, or box to which you don’t normally have access. How do you use it, and why?

An endless money box.  Not because I put money above everything else. But because for the most part I have everything else.  Does not related to today’s post.   Live goes on.

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free.

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

LINKS OF INTEREST

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps me ratings. This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

SEEKING CHANGE – SESSION TWENTY-ONE

Change comes slowly, particularly when you want another to change.  First step? Letting them know you want something to change.  Start with feedback.

Saying what you mean without saying it mean. Feedback suggestions.

iMAGE BY EFTI

Feedback is  the best way to offer criticism; As pundit Franklin P. Jones notes:  “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.”

Feedback does not directly criticize. Moreover, it  leaves the option of responding to the other person.  This fact makes it more likely the other person will do what you want. Just as most people  do not like criticism most people do not like being told what to do.

When feedback does not work immediately, try Broken Record. Pick one point, and repeat it adding a bit of anger with each repetition.

Next step would be the STOP PLAN. Although developed for children, works with adults also. Here the Poster Coach for that one.

STOP:If the child has a serious problem with disobedience, he will probably double his efforts to do his own thing.  Stay strong, and stay in charge of your feelings, follow these discipline strategies and all should go well.

STOP:If the child has a serious problem with disobedience, he will probably double his efforts to do his own thing. Stay strong, and stay in charge of your feelings, follow these discipline strategies and all should go well.

parenting tip

All parents are experimental scientists. What works for one child fails if applied to all.  A frown punishes one child, a yell another, and some need a swat on a diapered rear-end.  Swats are not abuse, please remember that.  Punishments are not abuse.  Abuse is inflicting tissue damage, leaving a mark – even finger prints from a slap could land you with child abuse charges.

Punishment means pain inflicted after an unwanted behavior.  For a very sensitive child, a frown can be punishing.

A wise man by the name of Gregory Bateson, said “Communication is response.”

Which is why parents have to be experimental scientists. If you are not getting the response you want, you have to try a different tactic.

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

I often use these prompts to spark my posts.  They work to improve  critical thinking - the heart of emotional intelligence. You can think about the prompts  as stated or use them to spark other thoughts which is what I usually do. If I put on my thinking cap the prompts can be related to Emotional Fitness. Here’s how I did that for this post.

DAILY PROMPT    By Hand What’s the best present you’ve ever received that was handmade by the giver, not store-bought? Tell us what made it so special.

Any handcrafted gift says time was taken. Moreover, being creative keeps you emotionally strong.

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free.

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

LINKS OF INTEREST

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps me ratings. This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

 

FEELING EXCHANGE STRATEGY – SESSION TWENTY

Don’t like what you are feeling? Try a feeling exchange.

The song writers and feeling experts agree on this one.  The first way to act on a feeling is to do the opposite of what the feeling urges.

All the best research on handling emotions say unless there is a life threatening safety issue, it is wisest to act against what the feeling suggests doing.  This runs contrary to much of the more popular idea that feelings should be listened to and acted on.

Think about the following and ask yourself when it makes sense to act as the feeling suggests or against the feeling?

  • Fear normally says to run away. Going against fear means approaching what you are afraid of unless doing so puts you in physical danger.  Afraid of a man with a gun, do not approach.  Afraid someone you like might reject you, reach out.  Afraid of cats, pet a kitten; afraid of a kitten, pet a stuffed cat.
  • Guilt or shame normally say stop doing what you are doing. Assuming the guilt is unjustified, you are not hurting people physically or emotionally or doing things like stealing,  do what you feel guilty or ashamed of doing.   Guilt and shame will fade.
  • Sadness, loneliness, or emptiness normally say shut down. The opposite involves getting active.
  • Anger normally says to   Acting against anger means keeping a soft voice and a calm body while thinking kind and gentle in the presence of that person.  It also means doing what you can to right the wrongs creating the anger.

Acting against a feeling is not always easy to do.  Not only do feelings signal us to act, but often the signal is accompanied by a burst of energy that pushes us to act quickly.  Moreover, often we are conflicted.  Part of us wants one thing and another part wants something else.

When you have learned to use Emotional Fitness Exercises to help you stay calm and focused on what is important, you will be able to resist a feeling’s pressure to act without thinking.  You will be able to deal with conflicted feelings and act appropriately.  The Rehearsing Change Exercise will speed up the process.   Here’s how to rehearse change

  1. Be clear about your Game Plan. Don’t have one: Read this.
  2. Next start by going to your safe place and popping up your viewing screen.  (Don’t know what I mean.  Here is the session on Creating Safe Places.  Visit it and then come back when you have created your own safe place. )
  3. Take a calming breathe and turn on a video of the last time the feeling you want to change controlled you and you did things you now regret.
  4. After you get to the feeling you regret, rewind the tape in your mind back to the beginning.
  5. Start the tape again, this time see how you wish youself  acting on your Game Plan acted that is your change goal
  6. Rewind the tape again and this time add the things you need to do to reach your goal.  Most likely that will involve OMMing, sloganeering while  making strong body and face, and then seeing yourself acting in the ways that will get you to your goal.
  7. You may have to rewind and edit several times before you see yourself doing your best.  That’s the way of change, practice and perfect.  You have perfected the tape when you feel happy with the new ending.
  8. What then?  Rehearsing lots in your mind and then bit by bit trying the Game Plan in real life situations.

Have trouble visualizing?  You are not alone.  You probably do better using words.  Just describe in words what happened once and then develop a script for what you want to happen.  People who do not visualize well often find writing a script words.  Some tape the script once it is done to their satisfaction and then play it over and over again, usually at night before falling asleep.

Rehearsals are hypnotic devices.  Don’t let that scare you.  Hypnotism is nothing more than  going some place else in your mind.   The some place else is called a trance state and you’ve been in many.

Examples: When you get involved in a movie, t.v. show, or book and forget the real world you are trancing out.  When you are traveling somewhere in a car, or bus, or train and get so lost in your thoughts you are surprized when you arrive at your destination.  If some says shut your eyes and has you visualize something, they are leading you into a trance.

Some words of warning: Generally, you cannot be hypnotized without being willing, and you rarely will do something you don’t already want to do. How then to some people give into stage hypnotists and end up clucking like chickens?  Good question. Three things explain that:

  1. A good hypnotist can pick out those in the audience that are hypnotically talented. And the ability to go into a trance is a talent that some people have and others do not.
  2. Besides people who volunteer to go on stage, like to show off a bit.
  3. People who volunteer also like to please people in authority.

When is hypnotism dangerous? If the three things mentioned above are partnered with a dark urge, people can  be lead to do bad things.  Think for a moment about charismatic leaders. Hitler was one and in many ways brain washed and hypnotised a nation.

What to do to stay safe?  Before embarking on any thing resembling a hypnotic state, set up a safety net.  “Going on a trip, but keeping myself and others safe” works.

PaRENTING TIP

Self-hypnotism is a useful life skill.  Moreover, the younger your child, the more easily he or she can learn this skill. This works for the two or three year old.

Step One: Start with teaching your child some self-soothing exercises at bedtime. The OMM is a good one.  Tense and Release also works.

Step Two: Add words that suggest relaxing and add numbers to the words. Relaxing one, relaxing two, relaxing three. Say the words softly and connect them to your child’s breath. Say “Relaxing” as the child breathes in and the number as the child breaths out.

Step Three: When the child is relaxed, tell a short bedtime story that creates a success visualiation and that includes a hypnotic suggestion. .  Here’s an example.

We are walking in the woods. The sun is shining, and sprinkly the path with spots of gold. We are happy as we walk. The air smells of pine and birds chirp. A dog is running ahead of us.  We follow him, but we get to a fork in the road, and do not know which way to go.  We wait quietly and listen carefully.  Soon we hear a faint barking.  The dog has taken the path to the right. As we head down that path, the dog comes running back to us.  Listening carefully always works best.

Repeat the last line a number of times. That is the hypnotic message you want to implant.

Here is the OMM Poster Coach in case you’ve forgotten it.

A one minute meditation

 POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

I often use these prompts to spark my posts.  They work to improve  critical thinking - the heart of emotional intelligence. You can think about the prompts  as stated or use them to spark other thoughts which is what I usually do. If I put on my thinking cap the prompts can be related to Emotional Fitness. Here’s how I did that for this post.

DAILY PROMPT    Came from a ten-minute free write.  But took me lots longer. The message: When someone suggests something, make it your own; take was works, work it the way you need to and leave the rest behind.

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free  (Handouts are in Black and White while Poster Coaches are in color.)

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

LINKS OF INTEREST

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps me ratings. This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine