Tag Archives: Practicing kindness

How To Make a Job You Hate Bearable

Notice, I did not promise much, just to make a job you hate bearable. Expecting too much makes life unbearable.

Nothing erodes contentment as fast as false expectations. With today’s job market, nothing seems to hold out greater expectations than getting that degree. What to do?

Three Emotional Fitness Tips

Tip one:  Hold fast to the reality that a job is a job because you get paid to do it. Period. End of thought.

Tip two: As a poet once said, “I have to live with myself and so, I have to be good for myself to know…” Translation, live honorably, so no matter what you end up getting paid to do, you are good for you to know.

Of course, the question of what is honorable confuses many. Well, despite all those who protest there are no hard and fast moral laws — the sages of the ages and today’s researchers have discovered three.  Be caring and fair. are the first two, and it is the violation of the third that has lead the world astray. The third? Be caring and fair to all, not just those like you or in your circle of family and friends.

In terms of work, whatever you are paid to do, do it well, take pride in doing it well, and at the same time see yourself as part of a bigger world, a bigger universe that you are helping to run.

Tip three: Build contentment and happiness unrelated to work. Follow your dreams as long as following them brings contentment. EFTI’s business motto is “Make money doing good.”  It runs in the red but builds contentment and happiness for me first because it does some good and that matters to me, but also because I love the job of writing and getting thoughts out there that might help others.

Staying strong

If you have one of the worse jobs in the world you might find the above hard to pursue. Think about this, however, if you are living in extreme poverty any job might find you grateful to be paid to work.

Also think about this. The Irish have a saying, “Enough is a feast.” If you are reading this, you are not living in extreme poverty; moreover, no matter how poor you feel you are rich. Be grateful. You might not find this easy, but the more you just say “Thank you” off and on during the day, and particularly for what isn’t so nice, the more your life improves.

Thank you for all you do including liking, commenting, or sharing. Kindness is blesses the giver and the receiver.

Links of interest

 Word Press Daily Prompt Nightmare Job

In honor of Labor Day in North America, tell us what’s the one job you could never imagine yourself doing.

I’ve shoveled manure as a teen so I could ride horses for free.  I’ve been a parent and foster parent which means I have done almost every difficult job there is.  The hardest job for me, would probably be cleaning up vomit. Just the thought starts me gagging. However, there is a process known the behaviorists as habituation — you get used to almost everything that does not kill you. So probably in time, I could to the vomit stuff.  Life goes on, at least until it ends. Until then stay strong and make the most of what you have been given.

HOW TO LIVE WITH A BITTER – SWEET RELATIONSHIP

Stop to think for a minute about the feelings involved in your closest and longest relationships. Finding both  the bitter and the sweet?  Probably. Reality calling.

According to test results you are full of blood, bones, and organs...disgusting. Emotional Intelligence Thoughts and Tips

 Babies, children, parents, friends and lovers all eventually  make you wrinkle your nose in disgust and shatter your heart with betrayal. 

Stopping to  think honestly about the feelings involved in your closest and longest relationships (thinking is the game plan for improving your emotional  intelligence) and you cannot avoid the mixing of the bitter and the sweet.

What to do? Practice kindness, gratitude, forgiveness and remember what matters .

This does not mean living with or allowing abuse. By abuse I do not mean the normal slings and arrow words  thrown in a fit of temper.  I mean hard on, bruising physical contact and or a constant barrage of nastiness, name-calling, and verbal put downs. Those are calls for ending a relationship or minimally putting physical distance between you and the ones  who cannot get it together.

Hardest to do when the relationship is long term and you love the other. Still abuse should not be allowed.

The longer the relationship, the more important it is to practice forgiveness and the remember what matters.  Not easy, but easier when you make a decision to practice deliberate kindness in line with the five to one rule.

What’s the five to one rule? It refers to the research of John Gottman. He studied  marriages and found he could predict which would last and which would not. The ones that lasted were those in which good feelings happened five times more often than  bad feelings.

How do you practice deliberate kindness after a bad moment?  First you must wait until the heat of the bad feelings has dampened a bit.  Strong self soothing skills help with that.

Timing also matters. When the atmosphere has eased a bit,  do something small, but caring.

Easiest with small children.  The gurus all say end time outs with a restorative hug.  My grandchildren rush to me when released from time out. Often, I say, “Even when I’m angry, I love you”  or “I don’t love bad behavior, but I do love you.” I do that to try and help them get to a better understanding of unconditional love which forgives all but does not tolerate all.

With the older crowd, very often, just a friendly touch at the right moment works.

Humor sometimes  help.  When my husband and I fight, and the heat of the moment is past, I can joke a bit. Humming the song, “I don’t know why I love you like I do, I just do” signals truce and is often accepted.

Sharing a sweet or suggesting taking a time out for something small both enjoy can be the icing on  the ice cap smothering the heat.

Finally, as do many in a war zone, just doing the every day normal things you do when not angry works.

STAY STRONG

If you like this post share it with another.  That is practicing deliberate kindness.  A second important aspect of practicing kindness, whether deliberate, randomed, planned or not, is being aware you are being kind. That strengthens you.

An important Emotional Fitness Exercises asks you to make a “Done List” instead of a “To Do List,.”  When you act kindly, add that act  to the Done List and enjoy being a kind person.

As always, thank you for your support.

Katherine

This post fits in with Today’s Word Press’s DAILY PROMPT  –  Unlikely Pairing: Bacon and chocolate, caramel and cheddar… Is there an unorthodox food pairing you really enjoy? Share with us the weirdest combo you’re willing to admit that you like — and how you discovered it.

In terms of food I have two mixtures others do not get: coffee, cayenne pepper, a sprinkle of salt and vanilla creamer. Yum.  Then there is vanilla ice cream, whipped cream topped with maple syrup and salt and sometimes even a sprinkle of the cayenne.

LINKS OF INTEREST

 A Free Poster Coach

Three steps to forgiveness. This poster coach begins the process of learning to forgive yourself and others.

Three steps to forgiveness

 

 

GIVE LOVE A CHANCE

Who do you hate?  Where did you learn that hatred. Hatred destroys your heart, so improve your #emotionalintelligence and learn to love even those you hate.

You've got to be taught to hate.

emotional fitness THOUGHTS AND TIPS

Human nature is such that we fear what is different.  If that fear gets linked to  personal internal hurts , hatred brews. Here are five common  examples of what I mean by internal hurts.

  1. You judge yourself as less smart, less strong, less talented than a person of difference.
  2. You have less wealth than a person of a difference.
  3. A person of difference beats you in a race, a game.
  4. A person of difference seems more respected by others than you feel respect you.
  5. Your view of your higher power is challenged by a different one.

Hatred brews more easily when the voices around you promote hatred and join hands with your personal hurt. The more voices preaching hate, the easier it is to justify your hate.

Some cultures raise their children on hatred of difference. Some do it directly.  Go here to see  what one group teaches its children. Others do it less directly. How? Think of any group that says those who believe differently are damned and doomed to spend eternity in hell. Also think of media messages that promote competition or divisiveness.

I think of the Long Island Railroad mass killer Colin Ferguson as someone whose hatred festered because of failed dreams, personal hurts, the slings and arrows of thoughtless other people, and of the preachings of hatred. Born in Jamaica, he came to the USA expecting to find great success, freedom and tolerance. He did not find success, he found racism, and he heard the preachings of hate groups.

It is a testimony to the goodness of most people that meeting with the same conditions, they do not turn murderous.

Hatred involves twisted thinking.  Here is a list of such   fallaciesThe fallacies most at play in hatred of differences are  incorrectly linking cause and effect, generalizing, and ad hominem.

To remind yourself to work at learning love, download today’s free  poster coach about learning love and post it where you  will see it.  when you see it, recite Hammerstein’s lyrics to shut out thoughts of hate.

STAY STRONG

The more you have been taught to hate differences, the harder it will be to learn love.  However, if the world is going to move past war, loving difference is essential.   Make learning to love  one of your life’s missions.

A brief Torah lesson.  The letter twelve in Hebrew stands for diversity, for example the twelve tribes. The letter for thirteen is a sacred letter and stands for oneness meaning the source of all.  Idol worship as taught by the Jewish Sages refers to the splitting of the sacred into the twelve and worshipping not the oneness of all, but one or another part or piece or tribe.

Thank you for all you do, enjoy and be grateful for all you have been given, practice kindness, like, share or comment.

Katherine

WORD PRESS DAILY PROMPT

This post relates to this DAILY PROMPT : Object Lesson – Sherlock Holmes had his pipe. Dorothy had her red shoes. Batman had his Batmobile. If we asked your friends what object they most immediately associate with you, what would they answer?

I would hope mine would be the peace symbol.

 LINKS OF INTEREST

 IMAGE BY Emotional Fitness Training, Inc.  Free download.

HOW TO FORGIVE

A major aspect of Emotional Intelligence lies in the ability to let go of hurts and grudges. Here are three steps that make forgiveness possible.

Three steps to forgiveness

The more we can acknowledge our mistakes and frailties, the more we can forgive.

 STAYING STRONG

Hurt is a signal that something is wrong.  One can forgive others for being weak, for handling their hurt in ways that hurt others.  However, as many have noted, forgiveness does not mean you are granting permission to anyone, yourself included, to abuse another.

A wise way to seek to change unacceptable behavior is to seek the lesson such behavior often holds.  Maybe, the lesson is a relationship has to be ended; maybe the lesson is you need to practiced kindness more.

Finally, our current society has encouraged victimhood.   Think of efforts to only praise children or make sure every child participating in a sport gets a trophy.  Life is learning to lose some times and some things.

Think of efforts to rid our language of words that others find offensive.  Jokes are a good example.  I make Martian jokes, not jokes about groups of people. At the same time a joke is a joke and if it is in poor taste, that should be the teller’s problem, not yours.

Remember the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”

Not always true, and  in many cases learning to “Suck it up, buttercup” might be better than letting  hurtful words into your heart.

Thank you for all you do to Practice Kindness. Liking, commenting, or sharing any social media you find helpful is one way to be kind. It may seem like a little, however, doing a little matters a lot.

Katherine

The above Poster Coach is available for a free download at the EFTI Store.

This post relates to this WordPress Daily Prompt I Can’t Stay Mad at You by KristaDo you hold grudges or do you believe in forgive and forget?

Obviously, I believe in forgiveness, It is one of the Daily 12 Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises.  Still  I agree with Bishop Tutu that forgiving does not mean forgetting or even staying in relationship with the person who hurts you.

As author  Richelle E. Goodrich notes, “Forgive and forget is the divine ideal. Grappling with the hurt while biting your tongue and struggling to refuse justifiable vengeance―that’s closer to human reality.”

 LINKS OF INTEREST