Tag Archives: Self care

HOW TO LIVE WITH A BITTER – SWEET RELATIONSHIP

Stop to think for a minute about the feelings involved in your closest and longest relationships. Finding both  the bitter and the sweet?  Probably. Reality calling.

According to test results you are full of blood, bones, and organs...disgusting. Emotional Intelligence Thoughts and Tips

 Babies, children, parents, friends and lovers all eventually  make you wrinkle your nose in disgust and shatter your heart with betrayal. 

Stopping to  think honestly about the feelings involved in your closest and longest relationships (thinking is the game plan for improving your emotional  intelligence) and you cannot avoid the mixing of the bitter and the sweet.

What to do? Practice kindness, gratitude, forgiveness and remember what matters .

This does not mean living with or allowing abuse. By abuse I do not mean the normal slings and arrow words  thrown in a fit of temper.  I mean hard on, bruising physical contact and or a constant barrage of nastiness, name-calling, and verbal put downs. Those are calls for ending a relationship or minimally putting physical distance between you and the ones  who cannot get it together.

Hardest to do when the relationship is long term and you love the other. Still abuse should not be allowed.

The longer the relationship, the more important it is to practice forgiveness and the remember what matters.  Not easy, but easier when you make a decision to practice deliberate kindness in line with the five to one rule.

What’s the five to one rule? It refers to the research of John Gottman. He studied  marriages and found he could predict which would last and which would not. The ones that lasted were those in which good feelings happened five times more often than  bad feelings.

How do you practice deliberate kindness after a bad moment?  First you must wait until the heat of the bad feelings has dampened a bit.  Strong self soothing skills help with that.

Timing also matters. When the atmosphere has eased a bit,  do something small, but caring.

Easiest with small children.  The gurus all say end time outs with a restorative hug.  My grandchildren rush to me when released from time out. Often, I say, “Even when I’m angry, I love you”  or “I don’t love bad behavior, but I do love you.” I do that to try and help them get to a better understanding of unconditional love which forgives all but does not tolerate all.

With the older crowd, very often, just a friendly touch at the right moment works.

Humor sometimes  help.  When my husband and I fight, and the heat of the moment is past, I can joke a bit. Humming the song, “I don’t know why I love you like I do, I just do” signals truce and is often accepted.

Sharing a sweet or suggesting taking a time out for something small both enjoy can be the icing on  the ice cap smothering the heat.

Finally, as do many in a war zone, just doing the every day normal things you do when not angry works.

STAY STRONG

If you like this post share it with another.  That is practicing deliberate kindness.  A second important aspect of practicing kindness, whether deliberate, randomed, planned or not, is being aware you are being kind. That strengthens you.

An important Emotional Fitness Exercises asks you to make a “Done List” instead of a “To Do List,.”  When you act kindly, add that act  to the Done List and enjoy being a kind person.

As always, thank you for your support.

Katherine

This post fits in with Today’s Word Press’s DAILY PROMPT  –  Unlikely Pairing: Bacon and chocolate, caramel and cheddar… Is there an unorthodox food pairing you really enjoy? Share with us the weirdest combo you’re willing to admit that you like — and how you discovered it.

In terms of food I have two mixtures others do not get: coffee, cayenne pepper, a sprinkle of salt and vanilla creamer. Yum.  Then there is vanilla ice cream, whipped cream topped with maple syrup and salt and sometimes even a sprinkle of the cayenne.

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 A Free Poster Coach

Three steps to forgiveness. This poster coach begins the process of learning to forgive yourself and others.

Three steps to forgiveness

 

 

Teaching hate? Much too easy.

What song keeps you going in times of trouble.? This Summer of Hate calls forth this one to me. Reminds me to teach love, not hate.  #emotionalintelligence tips

You've got to be taught to hate.

This post inspired by this Word Press Daily Prompt:Music Marker We all have songs that remind us of specific periods and events in our lives. Twenty years from now, which song will remind you of the summer of 2014?   See the above.

Emotional intelligence tips

Hate is a sign of weak #emotionalintelligence whether done by a culture,  a religion,  parents, teachers, friends, or the media.  All who teach hate to children fail all. 
Emotional intelligence tip one:  Purge your heart of hatred. Not as hard as you think providing you accept that all people do the best they can given the lessons they have been  taught by life and parents and others.  Learn EFTI’s  emotional intelligence boosting Three Steps to Forgiveness Exercise.
Emotional intelligence tip two: Be alert to media messages promoting hate.  These can be as subtle as sports fans yelling “Kill the umpire” or as strong as calls for “Death to the infidel.”Emotional intelligence tip three: Use fact checking sites to root out the false lies of propaganda.Emotional intelligence tip four: Improve the your understanding of the other’s point of view by reading or listening to their spokes people. Only attending to what is said by only those who agree with you is not emotionally intelligent.Emotional intelligence tip five:  Speak out against hate, silence colludes.

STAY STRONG

Thank you for all you do, enjoy and be grateful for all you have been given, practice kindness, work every way you can to abolish hate.  Help me do the dame by  liking, sharing, or commenting.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

Image by Emotional Fitness Training Inc.

Daily Prompt: Talking in your sleep.

Today’s Word Press Daily Prompt  Discuss  a time when it was impossible not to hear a conversation between people. First some humor. 

Anyone who can will eavesdrop.

Not a political comment, but a  fact: Anyone who can will spy on anyone they want to will do so. It is getting caught that makes headlines.  Thinking otherwise is delusional.

An inadvertent ease-drop changed my life. Well, I think it did.  I think I was  somewhere behind two class mates who didn’t know I was there.

One  said to the other, “She needs to smile more, she is beautiful when she smiles.”

Now, before I heard that, I was very self conscious as I had “buck teeth.” Still do. Moreover, I now know they might not have been talking about me. But for teenagers every conversation is about them.  I took this one to heart and started smiling more. I still let my smiles come and I think that has made stronger and kinder and meant more good people in my life.

Emotional Fitness Facts and tip

Smiling is both a cheer-up tool and a relationship building  tool as well as a way to practice kindness.  However, it must be genuine.  EFTI’s Strong Body Soft Face Exercise Poster Coach helps you smile genuinely. Here it is:

Soft face poster

Another way to make a smile more genuine is to recall a time when you were the most peaceful or happy while practicing this exercise.  In time this will attach to your smiling muscles and in time become an automatic part of your soft smiles. Remember every EFTI poster on a blog post can be found free at the EFTI Store.  They offer quotes to help you think about what matters as well as various Emotional Fitness Training Exercises such as this one.  Get this one here.

Stay strong

Smiling is also a way of practicing kindness. I smile a great deal at strangers when I say good morning or good day. But as another way of practicing kindness, I also always compliment those who smile at me.

Most smiles are beautiful and being told “Your smile sent a bit of sunshine in my heart” always leads to another smile. Even grumpy cashiers  forced to smile will smile at that one and teenagers eat it up.

Thank you, Word Press for this one, and thank all of you for reading, liking, commenting or sharing my ramblings. Keeps me smiling and that keeps me strong.

Katherine

Failed Billion Dollar idea?

My money-making idea was in response to the #Emotional_Intelligence movement.  My thought?  Emotional Fitness Training. As we all need to work to staying emotionally linking to the fitness movement might make money.  Did not.

Cartoon depicting the lack of normal families.

More seats would be filled if more people practiced the #Emotional_Fitness  Daily Twelve Easy Exercise.

This post was inspired by this daily post promptClick over to whatever website you visit most often to get news. Find the third headline on the page. Make sure that headline is in your post.

I used HootSuite  and opted for this headline as inspiration from the Harvard Business news. What’s Your $1 Billion Idea?  a blog post written by Doug Sundhiem.

Not quite what the prompt called for? So whip me with soggy spaghetti noodles.

Read the story for inspiration then read for the author’s ideas about  ways to generate ideas that might make a bit of money.  Meanwhile, I am still trying to make a bit of money from the Emotional Intelligence Movement.  This poster coach explains what I mean by emotional fitness training.

EMOTIONAL FITNESS EXPLAINED

Emotional Fitness Training and #Emotional Intelligence explained.

Rumor suggests one key to success is to keep trying. Turtles win the race. So at 76, here I am still trying not to make a billion, but a enough so I can live the Irish saying, “Enough is a feast”  as I keep aging and income keeps fading.

To see my newest products, what I call Poster Coaches. visit my on-line store.

Poster Coaches are  digital downloadsyou can print up in color, on card stock and then post where you see them regularly.  Most are free.  If you want me to print them up and send them to you or as a gift to another, you have to pay the pricee. The purpose of a Poster Coach is to help you think about what matters or to take your feeling temperature or to remind you how to practice an emotional fitness exercise.

I gave poster coaches away at workshops and presentations.  One student I ran into three years after a presentation, showed me she used a Poster Coach as the cover to her three-ring binder. Made me teary eyed.  And as my business motto is “Make Money Doing Good.” I could also claim  success if not at making money at least at spreading a bit of inspiration and knowledge.

stay strong

Not everyone  can be a media star or make buckets of money.  Still everyone can become an Emotional Fitness Star. How? Remember what matters, practice kindness, laugh and play, forgive, and be grateful for all you have been given.

Thank you for all you do, particularly for liking or sharing EFTI’s ideas about staying emotionally strong. Your help might make my dreams come true. Every like or comment helps. 

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