Tag Archives: Self-help


This Poster Coach says it all.

How to survive trauma

All is change and feelings come and go often faster than NASCAR racers.  However, some bad  times will bring you to your knees or knock you  out. I call those times “Life blows,” the experts call them traumas.

Now is one of the three worse times of my life. Why? Not for sharing. However, the poster coach above tells how I survived the other two times and how I will continue surviving

When a life blow strikes you down, going on will be a struggle, but if you look back over your life, as I am doing, you will see you have survived the worse of times.  Honoring surviving past life blows strengthens your ability to go on.

Emotional training tip one: As you start to recover do what you can as you can. Hoever, be patient; time does not heal all wounds but ususally we mend enough in the broken places to go on.

Emotional training tip two:  As always take  good care of your body, Life blows weaken our physical beings making it essential to do all the things your mother and doctor say keep you healthy.

Emotional training tip three: Remember what matters. Life blows challenge our deepest beliefs.  Explains why there are no atheists in fox holes.

AND, if you ask agnostics and atheists why they turned  from religion; 99% will say because religion failed to explain bad things that happen. Some of the religious will become more devout.

My parents were more agnostic than not. I became a Christian as a teen, a non-Christian as a college student, and a Jew a year after I married.

One of the attractions of Judiasm was its lack of need to seek converts. I had turned away from Christianity because the emphasis on conversion did not match my idea of a loving God turning away from those who had found a different path to a being a good person defied my logical brain. I am grateful, Christians have given up killing in Jesus’ name and hope the fanatical Islamists do the same before they destroy the world.

Retirement has allowed me to study Torah more carefully.  It is studying philosophy as much as how to be an observant Jew.  I was a philosophy major in college and so love studying Torah and Judaism as a philosophy.  As I have often noted all philosophies, religions, and secular sages agree that what matters most is kindness to all.

Those who practice kindness to some are the current obstacles to peace on earth. Some are religious, many just power hungry, money hoarders, or  self-involved.  We all have power, money and selfish needs. Counter them by practicing deliberate kindness.


Build good memories of the past for and with your child.  How? Laugh, play, and create together. Make one of your joint  creations a memory book. Include a few bad memories to accentuate the reality that life is not all good times. Those pages will also honor surviving.


This post was inspired by: But No CigarTell us about a time things came this close to working out… but didn’t. What happened next? Would you like the chance to try again, or are you happy with how things eventually worked out?

With each life blow, I kept trying. Never easy, but nothing else to do except die and I was not and am not ready for that. Mostly, I found lessons, and that was the good in each life blow.  I deepened my thinking about me, others, life, why pain, why evil, God.

Two tips for those whose life is one of constant physical or emotional pain.

Tip one: Make sure you are getting the best care possible. Emotional Fitness Tips augment, but do not replace competent professional help.

Tip two: One of the best sources of pratical help for both acute and chronic suffering is Marsha Linehan’s work, particularly her thoughts on Radical Acceptance. 

I was once accused of stealing her ideas, but that was before I had even heard of her.  The criticism pushed me to learn about her and to attend a training lead by her. I saw why I was thought to be plagerizing her and felt honored by the comparison.


The fact is when we suffer,  we are the ones who need to deal with it alone or with help from those who care and in some situations professionals.   Training seeks to help you stay strong.

Watch for my newest venture. Publishing short eBooks as PDF documents at my store. My other books will continue to be sold on my Amazon.com Author’s page.

This new venture is related to feeling the pressure of age and the on-going wish to share the  knowledge I and others have found useful.  Money makes self-publishing in a PDF format the only way I can  do that.

The books will not be perfect, dygraphia will interfere,  but each will be good as I can so without spending money.

As usual thank you for supporting me. I am so lucky so many of you are there for me.




Cannot laugh at these.  Life probably sucks big time right now. The most important thing? Do not let the bad keep you on the Pity pot too long.

Self pity joke.

PITY POT1 images (2)Yes, you are the only one who can get up and off the Pity Pot.  The strength lies within No other  tips today but do think a bit and if you have not read yesterday’s post. Read it now.


Once pain fades recalling it reinforces it and that  why self-pity is destructive,  it creates the bad feelings over and over again.

Sadly often we don’t know we are caught in its web, because we feel entitled, get pleasure, and can more easily shrug off responsibility. Those three things increase the livelihood of more pain.  Do not think I am denying pain and the fact that at times you are sitting drowning and have been pulled under by pain, then the most you can do means breaking down. That is survival, not sitting on a pity pot.  However when you come up for air, you need to find a healthy distraction, feeling sorry is not one.

DAILY PROMPT: Cut Off – When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?

We so need others in our lives that one thing driving us to the pity pot is loneliness. What to do? Almost anything healthy that absorbs your interest so much your forget the real world for a while. Any that even helps in the loneliest of times which is when others are around, but self absorbed,

Reading a page turner does it best for me.  Writing or interacting on social media also get me enjoying more and reduces the chance of my hind end getting a red ring from pity pot sitting.



Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same. All on the social media need the kindness of likes and they really take little time.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find some good every day.




If you are in the business world, you have heard about the need to improve your  emotional intelligence.   Here’s the dummy’s way to do that.

EQ instagrom intro to efti

Go here for to get started with some Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises  Then go to the EFTI store for Free Poster Coaches including exercises designed for dummies but also for those with lots of smarts.

Could not resist this quick post when I saw this DAILY PROMPT(Your Thing) for Dummies – Take a complicated subject you know more about than most people, and explain it to a friend who knows nothing about it at all.

Emotional Fitness Training improves your emotional intelligence the way  power walking improves you physically.  Your power to boss negative feelings grow the more you practice.


Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above,  I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.

Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.



Faith  guides behavior, and is built on personal experience. Faith is often about what cannot be proved. What faith guides you?  Atheist, agnostic,  religious?



The heart of becoming emotionally fit, what the gurus call Emotionally Intelligent, lies in thinking clearly.  Faith fogs our brains, but faith matters.  only blind or evil faith hurts.

Faith  develops from personal experiences and that includes the voices we hear about what matters as we grow up. We build our personal faith on what we find most comforting.

Reality check: All organized religions promote the Golden rule.  Why then does war and injustice survive?

Because for many the Golden Rule is applied only for their needs or those of their family,  their country, or their religion.  Even those religions approving child sacrifice were doing so  hoping to earn special favor from their ideas about the wishes of their Gods.

Salmon Rusdie noted: “”If you take a look at history, you will find that the understanding of what is good and evil has always existed before the individual religions. The religions were only invented by people afterwards, in order to express this idea”

The need to make sense of the life in general, but particularly the  bad things that happen to us and the bad things we and others do  is deep-seated.

As T.H. White noted in The Once and Future King: “…there was a time when each of us stood naked before the world, confronting life as a serious problem with which we were intimately and passionately concerned. There was a time when it was of vital interest to us to find out whether there was a God or not.

Obviously the existence or otherwise of a future life must be of the very first importance to somebody who is going to live her present one, because her manner of living it must hinge on the problem….Further back, there were times when we wondered with all our souls what the world was, what love was, what we were ourselves.”

We need to make sense of the world in order to survive emotionally. However, because faith is a story build on personal experiences and needs, it varies.  The problem is not faith in general, but what good or evil a person’s faith supports.  What to do?

Emotional tip one: If you are observant in one or another religion, root out and  fight its bad theology. Example: The idea that a loving Creator  says to kill those of other faiths or to force conversion.

Emotional fitness tip two:  If you are an atheist or agnostic, look for and support the good theology while discounting the bad. 

This Daily Post Prompt  provides more food for thought.  Is there a place in the world you never want to visit? Where, and why not.

I want to live and visit where religions tolerance flourishes, but not without first being purges of bad theology. Don’t you agree?

parenting advice

Your children will follow your faith when young, but not so easily when the reach the teens.  Teens are very good at seeing contradictions, which is why you must live your faith.  You must also be able to discuss it and other religions.  This parenting blog post offers more on this subject.


Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.


Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above,  I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.

Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.