Tag Archives: Self-help

How To Speak So the Deaf Can Hear #2

Playing off yesterday’s blog post but also responding to this Word Press prompt:Powerful Suggestion  about help advice.

Speaking so the hard of hearing can understand

Actually, I changed the prompt to suit my post. Figure as a contrary cranky old lady, and WordPress consumer changing their prompts  is my privilege. And if WordPress doesn’t like it tough steak.

The  prompt actually asked: “What’s the one piece of advice you wish someone had given you a year (or five, or ten…) ago?”  Practicing kindness is the best advice for all. and it was my father’ motto and has served me well with a bit of moderation.  The moderation: Do not be kind to evil, and be able to defend yourself when attacked physically.


Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Thank you.




The Happiness Gurus promote joining the work force only when you find a job your love. Not wise. Jobs pay the rent and feed you – happiness necessities.

quotes about jobs.

I’ve worked most of my 78 years. Started babysitting when I was twelve, mucked out stalls at thirteen in trade for riding lessons, planned to be just a wife and mother, but my first true love jilted me and I didn’t marry until I was in my thirties. Then I became a mother and then a foster-mother.

Career wise I stumbled into Social Work, was lucky enough to find I loved what I did and worked my way up to managing mental health programs and several professorships.

Eventually, I also became a published author, despite being learning disabled. Lucky me to find people always willing to help me be all I could be.

Because I mucked out stalls, I discovered friends and mentors in the laboring class. My family had fallen from the upper-class to the somewhat impoverished middle-class. The one who most gave me the most was Thomas Hardy, known around the stables as “Old Tom.”  As with all the grooms and stall-muckers of the time and at that place, he was a black man.

Thomas Hardy was a life raft for me throughout my teens and adult life. He kept me on target, made me earn the right to ride, cheered and comforted me.  He knew what mattered and that was caring, practicing kindness, working hard and taking pride in  work well done, no matter how menial.

Emotional fitness tip one:  Instead of seeking a job that makes you happy, figure out how to be happy in any job. 

Emotional fitness tip two: Value all who work, be grateful and practice kindness by thanking every person whose job makes your life easier. 

Emotional fitness tip three: Add happy moments to your life in all the safe and healthy ways you can. EFTI’s Easy Exercises add bits of pleasure to your life.


The saying we need to give our children wings and roots is a wise one. Roots do the hard work of pushing through soil, rocks, and all sorts of other stuff in order to grow.  Instilling a solid work ethic in your children strengthens their ability to do what has to be done in all aspects of life..

Parenting tip one: Start putting your kids to work as soon as they can walk well. That is the age they want to do every thing you do. Have them put dirty  clothes in a hamper, trash in the waste basket, toys in the toy box.

Parenting tip two: Teach them to value all who work. This can be done in lots of ways: Just thanking those who serve them is one. Seeing you say thank you to firemen, policemen, soldiers, and definitely garbage men.

Parenting tip three:  Start paying them young. Allowances should be divided into love allowance and earned allowance. The love allowance being much smaller.  As the teen years are entered upon gear your children up for real jobs by paying them to do some of the jobs you do around the house. Then when legally able to work at a part time job, have them get a job and begin assuming responsibilty to the wants of their life while you continue to provide for their basic needs.


Life is rarely easy.  Others do the best they can; you do the best you can. As much as we try often the best any of us can do is disappointing.  The solution? Be gentle on all, yourself included.Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same  and I do not always succeed.

Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.



Down load  a free  poster coach: Just like a live coach EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, and motivate.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at in the business world, in the class room or a family meeting  to provide a laugh, encourage critical thinking, remind all to think about what matters.


If I Had a Hammer: If you could learn a trade — say carpentry, electrical work, roofing, landscaping, plumbing, flooring, drywall — you name it — what skill(s) would you love to have in your back pocket?

This did inspire all of this post. The skill I would most love would be formatting eBooks so I could get more and more of what I think of as my intellectual property out there. Of course, if I were skilled at earning money, I could apprentice and pay some young people to help me with all that stuff.



Face it, criticism hurts. Hurt tells you to run away or stay and fight. Best way? Be grateful and decide for yourself to laugh it off or use it wisely.

Laughing at criticism

The  Happiness Gurus tell you “You are perfect just the way you are.”

They lie.

The makers of the classic movie Love Story believed  Love meant “never having to say you’re sorry.”

Another lie.

Remember, all  the sages across all the ages have bemoaned the fact that “Love is blind.”

Love may mean you never have to say you are sorry, but it also means you see the other person’s flaws as well as the good stuff.Virginia Satir, family therapist, believed  healthy relationships mean being able to tell each other who needed a deodorant.  Good to say the critical stuff kindly, but better to have it said; you can always make an amends if you say it mean.


Emotional Fitness tip one: Think about what matters.  Criticism only matters if fits you. That means you have to put aside emotions and think about yourself as if you were another person. Hard to do. The Rule of Three helps.  Than means wait until you have heard the same criticism at least three times and preferably from three different sources.

Emotional Fitness tip two:  Strengthen your self-soothing skills. Maybe it is time to buy my eBook about Creating Calm in Your Life. Minimally, learn these four Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises. 


 Parenting tip one; Teach you child the rule of three.  That can start once your child starts walking by using Thomas Phelon’s One, Two, Three Magic. It really is magic in terms of disciplining.  In a nut shell, you give your child three chances to obey a rule, and then it is time out.

Parenting tip two: When the child is in third or fourth grade, talk directly about how to handle criticism.  At that point teach your child to respond in one of the following ways.

  1. “Thank you.”
  2. “I need to work on that.”
  3. “I am trying my hardest.”
  4. “I need time to think about what you are saying.”

Role play criticizing.    You be the critic and have your child practice saying the above you and s/he can figure out what to say when.


DAILY PROMPT It’s a Text, Text, Text, Text World by Michelle W. How do you communicate differently online than in person, if at all? How do you communicate emotion and intent in a purely written medium?

Writing forces you to think a bit and that is practicing emotional fitness. Of course, some think little as they write so when angry don’t push send. Or do you disagree and think  “letting it all hang out” is more honest and best?


Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above,  I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.

Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.




Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters or in a class room to encourage critical thinking.


This Poster Coach says it all.

How to survive trauma

All is change and feelings come and go often faster than NASCAR racers.  However, some bad  times will bring you to your knees or knock you  out. I call those times “Life blows,” the experts call them traumas.

Now is one of the three worse times of my life. Why? Not for sharing. However, the poster coach above tells how I survived the other two times and how I will continue surviving

When a life blow strikes you down, going on will be a struggle, but if you look back over your life, as I am doing, you will see you have survived the worse of times.  Honoring surviving past life blows strengthens your ability to go on.

Emotional training tip one: As you start to recover do what you can as you can. Hoever, be patient; time does not heal all wounds but ususally we mend enough in the broken places to go on.

Emotional training tip two:  As always take  good care of your body, Life blows weaken our physical beings making it essential to do all the things your mother and doctor say keep you healthy.

Emotional training tip three: Remember what matters. Life blows challenge our deepest beliefs.  Explains why there are no atheists in fox holes.

AND, if you ask agnostics and atheists why they turned  from religion; 99% will say because religion failed to explain bad things that happen. Some of the religious will become more devout.

My parents were more agnostic than not. I became a Christian as a teen, a non-Christian as a college student, and a Jew a year after I married.

One of the attractions of Judiasm was its lack of need to seek converts. I had turned away from Christianity because the emphasis on conversion did not match my idea of a loving God turning away from those who had found a different path to a being a good person defied my logical brain. I am grateful, Christians have given up killing in Jesus’ name and hope the fanatical Islamists do the same before they destroy the world.

Retirement has allowed me to study Torah more carefully.  It is studying philosophy as much as how to be an observant Jew.  I was a philosophy major in college and so love studying Torah and Judaism as a philosophy.  As I have often noted all philosophies, religions, and secular sages agree that what matters most is kindness to all.

Those who practice kindness to some are the current obstacles to peace on earth. Some are religious, many just power hungry, money hoarders, or  self-involved.  We all have power, money and selfish needs. Counter them by practicing deliberate kindness.


Build good memories of the past for and with your child.  How? Laugh, play, and create together. Make one of your joint  creations a memory book. Include a few bad memories to accentuate the reality that life is not all good times. Those pages will also honor surviving.


This post was inspired by: But No CigarTell us about a time things came this close to working out… but didn’t. What happened next? Would you like the chance to try again, or are you happy with how things eventually worked out?

With each life blow, I kept trying. Never easy, but nothing else to do except die and I was not and am not ready for that. Mostly, I found lessons, and that was the good in each life blow.  I deepened my thinking about me, others, life, why pain, why evil, God.

Two tips for those whose life is one of constant physical or emotional pain.

Tip one: Make sure you are getting the best care possible. Emotional Fitness Tips augment, but do not replace competent professional help.

Tip two: One of the best sources of pratical help for both acute and chronic suffering is Marsha Linehan’s work, particularly her thoughts on Radical Acceptance. 

I was once accused of stealing her ideas, but that was before I had even heard of her.  The criticism pushed me to learn about her and to attend a training lead by her. I saw why I was thought to be plagerizing her and felt honored by the comparison.


The fact is when we suffer,  we are the ones who need to deal with it alone or with help from those who care and in some situations professionals.   Training seeks to help you stay strong.

Watch for my newest venture. Publishing short eBooks as PDF documents at my store. My other books will continue to be sold on my Amazon.com Author’s page.

This new venture is related to feeling the pressure of age and the on-going wish to share the  knowledge I and others have found useful.  Money makes self-publishing in a PDF format the only way I can  do that.

The books will not be perfect, dygraphia will interfere,  but each will be good as I can so without spending money.

As usual thank you for supporting me. I am so lucky so many of you are there for me.