Tag Archives: Staying Strong

HOW TO REMEMBER WHAT MATTERS – DAY TWO OF THE TWELVE DAYS OF EMOTIONAL FITNESS EXERCISES

Thanking and remembering the Creator of all was the reason for what are now mainly secular holidays  urging you to buy. The important stuff gets forgotten.

#emotionalintelligence building blog post.Remembering what matters

Throughout all religions and  philosophies it is believed the good life cannot be found unless it involves being caring and just t0 all.  That is what matters.

It is easy to  get caught up in believing  owning the newest car, the latest fashions, the most up to date gadgets; others say how you look; still others think it is how smart you are or what school you went to, how much money you have matter. And yes, those things have a place, but are not what matter.   What matters is the kind of person you are. What matters most is being kind and caring.

Self care is not enough.  If you don’t act to make the world better, self-care becomes banal narcissism.  No matter what else you want to achieve in your life, remember to be kind, just, generous and caring, not just to those you love, but to all.    That is what matters and what needs to be remembered.

Humanity is programmed to be kind and caring, when we turn from that we turn from our inner good and that twists our being.  As  the poet Edgar Guest noted, “I have to live with myself and so, I want to be fit for myself to know.”

How to practice this exercise:  Before you climb out of bed each morning, take a minute to Be Grateful-why that is the first of the Twelve Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises; then take another moment to think about what matters.

Then throughout the day, when stressed, take a Calming Breath and remind yourself what matters. You won’t bring peace on earth, but you will bring more peace into your heart

Enhancement: Having a brief written mission statement printed up and posted were you can read it as you start you day, strengthens your resolve to remember what matters.  .

Don’t know about mission statements?  Get EFT’s eBook Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals.  Cost less than a movie and does more good.

parenting tips

Parenting tip one: Just using the words “Remember what matters” starts your child thinking and thinking about what matters is key to emotional fitness.

Parenting tip two: Teaching rating scales helps keep everything in perspective and can start with toddlers.

Parenting tip three: Devote some family meetings to talking about what matters.

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments do the same.

This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars –Not good enough to rate; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free. A poster coach is like a face-to-face coach; all serve as practice reminders, some teach you the exercises needed to stay strong.

To use one, after down loading it from the store, print it up preferably in cardstock and color, then post it where you will see it as you go about your day.

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

DAILY PROMPT   Unsung Heroes  We all have our semi-secret, less-known personal favorites — a great B-side, an early work by an artist that later became famous, an obscure (but delicious) family recipe. Share one of your unsung heroes with us — how did you discover it? Why has it stayed off everyone’s radar?

My parents, who never had material success, but knew what mattered.  Next? All my many dogs who also knew what mattered.

How this fits in with today’s EFTI Post:  The true heros of life are those who teach you want matters.

DEFEATING HOLIDAY STRESS – repost

Holidays are not always happy.  What to do?  Take Part Two of EFT’s free 101 course –  Twelve days of easy Emotional Fitness Exercises.
I don't really like Christmas said two partridges in a pear tree.

Confession: When I converted to Judaism one of the things I happily gave up was the stress of Christmas.  Hanukkah is so much easier, you have eight days to get things right; moreover as a minor holiday it is  not supposed to be such a big deal.  But even Hanukkah has become bigger – competition rules, particularly on the Get Happy Trail.

Moreover, the sales people use the holidays to get you to buy, buy, buy and that adds to the stress if you buy into all the sales pitches.  The holiday stress starts with Thanksgiving, For many, finding something to be grateful is not easy and then there is Black Friday. The stress builds and builds and  builds.

What to do?   Grinning and bearing might help, but can lead to grinding your teeth. Not good. Can lead to Clenched Jaw Disorder aka TMD which ranks up with root canal and child birth for pain.

Hopefully, knowing some easy Emotional Fitness Exercises might zap your stress. Toward that end here’s my holiday gift to my readers:

Twelve Days of Emotional Fitness Exercises.   Starts Twelve days before Christmas, Sunday  the 14th includes Hanukkah, Christmas and then leads up to Kwanza which starts this year on December 26th.

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL FITNESS?

Just as physical fitness programs improve physical health; Emotional Fitness Training programs improve emotional health.  Emotional fitness is about managing feelingsWe can own our feelings or our feelings can own us.  Anger is a feeling that tries to own us: “I was angry; I couldn’t help myself.”  Sadness is another feeling that can own us. “I couldn’t do my work; I was so sad, I just sat there and cried.” 

When a feeling determines how we act, the feeling is in control.  When we determine how to act on a feeling, we are in control, we are emotionally strong what some call being emotionally intelligent.

As Daniel Goleman, the expert on emotional intelligence, reported in 1998, at least two-thirds of the difference between those who are competent and those who are not is due to emotional intelligence.  What Goleman calls emotional intelligence we call  emotional fitness.

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL FITNESS TRAINING®. INC.

Established in 1995, Emotional Fitness Training®., Inc. (EFTI) is a for profit corporation.  EFTI seeks to provide quality motivational, psycho-educational products for the specific purpose of improving emotional fitness skills.  Our main products include in print books, eBooks,  poster coaches and courses.

EMOTIONAL FITNESS TRAINING’S CORE BELIEFS   Every EFT product is based on the following core beliefs:

  1.  At one time or another we all deal with strong feelings for life can be cruel, relationships painful, happiness, and self-fulfillment hard to find.
  2. Luck plays a part in everything.
  3. We don’t always get what we want.  We don’t always get what we feel we have earned.
  4. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people.
  5. Despite the difficulties, we can endure most of the bad, be content most of the time, and happy some of the time.
  6. “Happily ever after” is the stuff of fairy tales and a false sales pitch.
  7. The healthiest lives are based on service to others; you don’t know how valuable you are until you give yourself away.  Others include every human being; we are one.
  8.  Struggling with a strong painful feeling is not the same as being emotionally disturbed, but no one is emotionally fit who holds onto envy, hurt, hatred, or despair.
  9.  People worry too much about being thought emotionally disturbed or crazy.  Worrying about being kind and not cruel is healthier.
  10.  When you are cruel to yourself or others, negative feelings are controlling you.
  11.  When strong  feelings control you, you trouble looms for you or others.
  12.  When you control your feelings, your life is better, your relationships are better; when you control your feelings, you move the world toward peace.

Emotional Fitness Training is not therapy. Therapy deals  healing; EFT deals with strengthening.  Although not therapy, EFT Programs can be used as part of a therapeutic program.  Moreover, because some people need more than an EFT Program, in order to stay strong, EFT Programs are designed to help participants decide if therapy is needed.

PARENTING TIP

Parenting is hard work and does not come naturally. Moreover, most parent advisors preach and teach what worked for them. The founder of Parent Effectiveness Training had one step daughter; he was a therapist and thought if all parents were like therapists children would thrive. Mainly that meant not judging or teaching, but letting “natural consequences” work their way.  Guess what? that worked but only  for two groups of kids; teens, and those not dealing with abuse, two much stress, or a chemical imbalance of one sort or another.

Why was his program so popular?  I suspect because it appealed to our hurt inner child and we all have a hurt inner child.

That child hugs childhood hurts too tightly to their heart and if housed in a parent’s body – vows never to be a hurtful parent. However, except for a lucky few, the hurting parent will emerge at one time or another.  I remember the day I realized I sounded just like my mother when when she was at her worse. Not a good memory. But a lesson.

Always making your children happy, always praising, only letting natural consequences teach right from wrong is an impossible Trying to keep kids happy is an impossible goal and reaching for it creates  guilt in parents.

WHAT TO DO?

Parenting tip one:  Code reality as much as you can for your children.  Early on point out make believe as make believe. No need to make a big deal, but just say “That’s a wish” or “Make believe” or “Just play” or “A fun story, but not real life.”

Parenting tip two:  Always  model the behavior you want your children to follow.  Impossible to do all the time, but good enough is really good enough.

Parenting tip three: Remember age and stage.  What works for a two year old does not work for a ten year old; what works for a ten year old does not work for a teen.

Parenting tip four: Two rules cover what matters: safety and kindness.  If the world followed these rules there would be peace on earth.

Parenting tip five: Punishment is not a dirty word, it is a tool.  All tools can be properly applied or misapplied.  That said, punishment must be balanced with praise and rewards – five goodies for one baddie.

Paernting tip six: Learn to apologise when you blow it. Apologies are part of good manners and good manner teach respect for others.  Amends are appropriate for big parental blunders

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments also help.

This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

DAILY PROMPT   Ready, Set, Done! As it’s been a while since our last free-write… set a timer for ten minutes. Write without pause (and no edits!) until you’re out of time. Then, publish what you have (it’s your call whether or not to give the post a once-over).s it’s been a while since our last free-write… set a timer for ten minutes. Write without pause (and no edits!) until you’re out of time. Then, publish what you have (it’s your call whether or not to give the post a once-over).

How this fits in with today’s EFTI Post:  I always start with free writing, but rewriting is my name. Repeats are part of my game.  Studies show information has to pass before you at least five times before registering and behaviors have to be repeated 30 times before they even begin to become a habit.

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free.

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

SUMMARY SESSION: HOW TO BOSS ALL FEELINGS – THIRTY-ONE FREE 101 COURSE

How to boss all feelings? Know what you really feel, know how to measure feelings, know what matters, think about whether to act, act wisely, or  let go.

EFTskill summary

All advice is easy to give,  hard to put into practice. Trading old habits for new ones is particularly hard. Some experts claim you need to do something thirty times before it starts to be a habit. Others say 10,000 hours of practice are needed to become an expert.

Scary news?  Only if you are seeking perfection and when it comes to managing your bossy feelings, good enough works. Moreover, Emotional Fitness Training provides quick and easy exercises that can practiced in a minute or less.  Our poster coaches remind you to practice.

Parenting tip

Use this summary to guide your efforts to teach you children how to stay emotionally fit. As previously suggested remember age and stage.  Self-soothing, naming feelings,  rating scales come first, and when temper tantrums start time to teach how to express feelings wisely.

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps my social media ratings, but also lets me know what interests you most. Comments also help.

This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

DAILY PROMPT  One at a Time  Today, write a post about the topic of your choice — using only one-syllable words.

How this fits in with today’s EFTI Post:  Not possible for anything but a one sentence post. “Here are the skills you need to boss the feelings that want to boss you.” Failed. But good enough.

Thinking about what matters, I have noticed that many of the prompts pursue the trivial; moreover the corrections dumb down. Not sure that is helpful when it comes to making the world better.

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free.

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

SESSION TWENTY-TWO

Asking another to change is asking to win the lottery. Here are some ways to increase the odds in your favor. 

#feelingmanagement #parenting tips #emotionalintelligence

Think this is a long and complicated process?  It is.  How easily do you change a habit or the way you do things.  Change is difficult for most people. This might be a good time to learn and remember the revised Serenity Prayer.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.

When you are asking another for change and it becomes clear that person either cannot or will not change (often different sides of the same coin), you then need to think about your choices in terms of the relationship.  Change may not be possible, can you live with things the way they are?

parenting tips

Because children’s survival depends on pleasing parents a child often changes as parents want.  Not always, however as the terrible twos and terrifying threes show.   Still parents are charged with civilizing children: four rules matters and cover most things.

  1. Keeping everyone safe.
  2. Respecting others – manners matter.
  3. Respecting property.
  4. Respecting reasonable laws.

The first needs enforcing when the child starts crawling and walk. The second and third are best taught from three to six.  Reasonable laws are best taught along with safety. “The law says stop when the light is red, that keeps everyone safe.”

When the teens are entered,  the time has arrived to discuss what is a reasonable law and reasonable ways to go about seeking change.   And here is another revised Serenity Prayer, for parents of some teens.

God, grant me the serenity to accept that the only difference between teens and psychopaths is that most teens eventually change. The courage to smile around gritted teeth and ground the offender. And the wisdom not to smother anyone in their sleep no matter how tempting.

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

I often use these prompts to spark my posts.  They work to improve  critical thinking – the heart of emotional intelligence. You can think about the prompts  as stated or use them to spark other thoughts which is what I usually do. If I put on my thinking cap the prompts can be related to Emotional Fitness. Here’s how I did that for this post.

DAILY PROMPT – Golden Key: You’ve been given a key that can open one building, room, locker, or box to which you don’t normally have access. How do you use it, and why?

An endless money box.  Not because I put money above everything else. But because for the most part I have everything else.  Does not related to today’s post.   Live goes on.

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free.

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

LINKS OF INTEREST

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps me ratings. This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine