Tag Archives: Staying Strong

How To Get More Emotionally Fit – A Free Online Course

SESSION ONE: Anger, shame, guilt, fear, desire, pain, sadness, jealousy, or lust bossing you?  Take this EFTI course and boss the feelings trying to boss you.

EQ instagrom intro to efti

Emotional Fitness tRAINING’s 101 Course

I am offering this course  on my blog and Emotional Fitness Facebook Page. The course puts you in charge of the feelings that boss you and create problems.  Being in  charge of your feelings keeps you on the path to the good life.

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL FITNESS?

Emotional fitness is about managing feelings. We can own our feelings or our feelings can own us.  Anger is a feeling that tries to own us: “I was angry; I couldn’t help myself.”  Sadness is another feeling that can own us. “I couldn’t do my work, I was so sad, I just sat there and cried.”  When we own our feelings, we are in control.

We are in charge of some feelings, not in charge of others. Sometimes we soar; sometimes we can’t get off the ground.  Everyone’s ability to manage one or another negative feeling can be improved.  Taking control of your feelings requires mastery of six skills

  1.  Feeling awareness: knowing when a feeling starts and how accurately name various feelings.
  2. Feeling measurement: knowing how to measure the growth of negative feelings so you can take action before the feeling controls you.
  3.  Self-soothing: calming the body so feelings do not take over.
  4.  Focusing the mind on what matters: knowing what is important—having a life affirming mission, setting positive goals
  5.  Feeling management: strategizing or thinking about how to act on what is important.
  6.  Acceptance and letting go: dealing with what cannot be changed.

EFTI  programs are based on the fitness model.  Even if born with a great athletic talent, you need practice and training to become a star.  So it is with emotional fitness;  emotional fitness levels and needs vary as widely as physical fitness levels and needs.  To star at managing feelings, you need training and practice.

 WHAt You need to know about the course

The course is based on courses I taught as a professor at Columbia University Graduate School of Social Work, on my experiences as the director of New York City crisis teams before, during and after 9/11, on my years as a foster parent caring for teens in trouble with the law, and on the growing interest in Emotional Intelligence.

My unique experience as a foster parent, lead me to want to turn clinical knowledge into  practical tips and exercises. There are six skills, and twelve daily exercises to review or  learn, and then strengthen.

The course is also designed to take at several levels. You can just scan the posts and take what you want or need when you can.

You can obtain a certificate of accomplishment  for adding to your resume by taking the course as you would a college course. Doing so involves taking  several mastery based tests as you work through the course. The mastery approach involves a self-graded testing system. When you take the test, if you fail, you simply review the material and take the test again. Few fail as the course is specifically designed to answer the questions. When you complete the course this way, you need to pay a small fee for the processing of your tests and issuing the certificate.

If you need  a certificate of completion for anger management, please contact us at emotfit@live.com for more information.  Taking the course may be enough, but more might be needed if you are court referred mandated to take anger management.

Finally, those  with credentials as a therapist or coach can use the course as the springboard for licensing as an Emotional Fitness Trainer.  If that is your interest contact me at emotfit@live.com.

To start you off, here are seven feelings facts you need to know and think about.

Seven Feeling factsOne of the questions on a test would be to state Feeling Fact Number Seven as that is the essentially Emotional Fitness Training’s Game Plan.

If you are a parent, taking this course, buffers you against the slings and arrows involved in raising children. Most importantly, however, the more emotionally fit you are, the more emotionally fit your children will be.

I hope you will share this information. As always, thank you for your support.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

IN TRANSIT: Train stations, airport terminals, subway stops: soulless spaces full of distracted, stressed zombies, or magical sets for fleeting, interlocking human stories?

Life is always in transit and most of the magic comes from you and your willingness to connect kindly to others.  Emotion Fitness Training makes that more possible.

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspirational quotes or exercises. Go there and subscribe to be notified of new additions.

How to defeat “To Do List” over load

As an old lady with way too much  to do and way too little time left, I would be bald from tearing my hair if I hadn’t become a professional procrastinator.

Procrastinate

There is always too much to do, particularly when it comes to what you want to do, then the things you must do get in the way.  Still they must be done.

Emotional fitness thoughts and tips

This post was inspired by  blogger mesardonicmesarcastic asking for help.  Here is part of his plea:

I want some help here. I am curious to know how does one manage the posts of over several thousand people. If the point is to engage with other publishers on WordPress and build a community, how do you engage with such mass? …. I’m asking this because there’s a blog that I follow with 42,000 followers. 

 Also, how do you pick who you follow? Do you follow any and everybody

More generally he asks do you blog about what is popular, or what interests you?  The blogger he follows says to post often, but writing blog posts takes time and then if people respond you need to respond back. Same with all social media.

My husband is nearing the limit on Facebook friends.  That is essentially the only social media he uses.  I think the limit  comes when you hit 2000 friends.  I haven’t topped 700 there, but  I also do twitter, Google, link, and Pinterest.  So I may have come close to David in numbers.  Too much, to treat respectfully  at least in terms of what my remaining time allows and my desire to practice good manners and kindness.

I have been blogging hoping to build a legacy for my third child Emotional Fitness Training, Inc,  I had a dream others would become Emotional Fitness Trainers; then  they and I would make money by training, licencing, and selling EFTI material. Not happening, not going to happen. The time has come for me to let go of most of that dream.

As I have been known to point out, not all dreams come true.  I have been passionate about this dream, worked hard, kept my eye on the prize, but needed more than what I could do alone. So it goes.  Other dreams of mine have flourished and I have lived a life beyond my dreams. So I am not complaining.

That said, however, this blogger’s post came as I have been resetting some goals particularly in terms of my desire to leave something of on-going value behind when I leave  this world.  Here are my  tips  about dealing with over load.

Tip one: Know your mission and your goals.  Your mission is what you want your life to stand for. Your goals are how the things you must or want to do as your life unfolds.  And yes, I have an eBook about missions and goals.

Tip two: Get real about your expectations. I rant lots against the Happiness Gurus and their marital partners the “Just Do It” Bonkers.  Each seeks money more than your well-being.

My youngest son, early on, poured his heart into getting into the Baseball Hall of Fame as the best first basemen since Keith Hernandez.  He did all his Little League coaches asked and more. However, he had little talent for the hitting, running, or catching; he sat on the bench lots. We tried to discourage him, but did not forbid his efforts.

As he told me when he was eleven and quit trying: “There are only 600 major league players and millions of kids like me.  I’m not good enough to make the majors.”

He was depressed, but feel to pursue other goals and eventually found a sport he loved and enjoys for the joy it brings.  Parents hear that. Teach your children sports are for fun, not just for beating others.  

Tip Three: Recognize the choices you make.  I do not think we have unlimited free choice; life has its way with us; and sometimes miracles come our way. However, I for one do not know why some prayers are answered and some  ignored. Nor do I understand why many bad people seem to be  given much and  very good people,  often seem to get only grief.

I do understand that most of the time we have choice. It may be between what we don’t like and what we hate, but it is choice.  You may hate your job, but hate not getting a paycheck to feed your family a bit more that you hate your job.

Tip four: Choose kindness as often as you can, for kindness matters most.

Tip five: Pursue what makes you happy as much as you can, when you can, and how you can.

Tip six; Every once in a while check your progress.  Anders Ericsson, skills building expert, notes,  developing  any skill  requires not just practice, but deliberate practice. What is deliberate practice? Regularly scheduled practice that works as measured by improvement.

Many people stumble when it comes to measuring progress. However, rating scales can measure any thing, so start using them.  Here are two five point rating scales I use in terms of my goals.

How motivated am I to work regularly on this goal?  One is “Everyday all day. “Three as if it is ” I work at it as a job” I put in six or seven hours every work day.”  Five is “I  do what I can when I can.”

Two is my work paying off?   One is “I am actually making money.”  Three is “People are following me more” and Five I am not enjoying the work and wonder if I should keep going.”

My answers “I work at it as a job” but “I am not enjoying the work”  and after wondering “if I should keep going” I think change is in order.

As much as I love blogging and wanted someone to keep that part of my Emotional Fitness Training business going, that is not going to happen. Boo hoo, but time to think of another goal.

Although my books are not best sellers, people still buy them and keeping them out there will happen at least for a while, even if no one is out there pushing them.  So my books remain my best worldly legacy.

So I am in the process of looking at options.  My primary goal is to share knowledge I have found useful and I think in terms of a legacy that means eBooks and one or two hard books.  If you have thoughts I would appreciate reading them?

STAYING STRONG

Thank you for all you do including liking, commenting, or sharing. Kindness blesses the giver and the receiver.

Katherine

Links of interest

 Word Press Daily Prompt

Daily Post Sept 15, 2014 Daily Prompt Overload Alert:   “Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.” — Gertrude Stein
Do you agree?

I so agree and we all need to stop and think harder and deeper. That is what Emotional Fitness Training wants to help you do.

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

The put the Pro Poster is available as a free down load at our eftistore.

How to Win Life’s Lottery

Despite the popularity of the idea that we control our fate by controlling our thoughts, and we just need to “Do It, ” just doing it requires some luck.

Why to I rant so about this? Those of you who read me, are probably tired of those rants. Apologies, but just doing it does not work for the most people,  but  only creates despair or worse hatred.

For those of us lucky or blessed as some have it to have all we need and more, the danger is gluttony, wanting more and more of what feels good is always present.

The cries of just “Do it” do not feed the starving. Such cries lead to many of us who have much, feeling smug and less willing to help those who have less or little or not enough to survive on, let alone crawl their way to the good life.

Moreover, the cries of “Do it” are used by the advertising peopleto create dissatisfaction and increase sales.

Want the good life? Who doesn’t. Want to be happy? Who doesn’t.  I do.  Am I always happy? Ha. Not now, not through out my life. Am I always able to stay strong as I often suggest you do and as I tell myself to do? Not now, not through out my life.  Am I always calm and kind and grateful. No, no, no. But I look back on many years and am satisfied I have done the best I could with all I have been given and that has meant being blessed, having good karma, or more than some “a little bit of luck.”  I am grateful for that.

Here are today’ Emotional Fitness Training Tip:

Tip one: Life is a struggle, relationships often difficult, painful even murderous.  That is reality, thinking otherwise is delusional and twisted thinking at its worse.

Tip two: Happiness is illusionary, something we stumble on it in  amazing ways but only when luck or the blessing of whatever other powers control what we are given smile on us.

Tip three:  The poets, the sages of the ages, and the researchers know true happiness lies in our sense of being good.  “I have to live with myself and so I want to be good for myself to know.”

Tip four: Sadly our cultures or personal life experiences often teach  us that happiness means overpowering others, controlling others. Sad, but true, many  find happiness in violence.  Bullies learn to be bullies because it feels very good to force someone to do what you want.

Tip five: It takes a village to raise a child, and the more those who want peace for all make up that village, the greater the chance peace will come to this world.  Freedom is a major roadway to peace for all.

Tip six: The only way freedom exists is freedom for all to believe as they wish with one major exception. That exception? Forcing others in one way or another to believe as you do.

Tip seven: The golden rule, it all its forms is the true path to the good life, to feeling good about yourself, bringing peace to your heart, your small world, and the larger world we all inhabit.

Two forms of the Golden Rule exist. One form “Do not do what you would hate done to you. ” The second form “Do to others what you would others do to you.”

Tip eight: Even the Golden Rule in either form can be perverted. How? By drawing circles around and putting some in a circle labeled these  deservesto be treated as the Golden Rule says; those outside this circle do not deserve such treatment.

STAYING STRONG

Mostly I rely on  self-soothing  to get me through the very hard times we all face. One of the hardest practices is being grateful for all. Some say lessons are sent personally to you to correct unacceptable behavior.

That always seemed to be to blame people.  I prefer to think life is full of lessons. We all have much to learn.  When bad things happen, looking for some knowledge to add to our efforts to stay strong seems better than focusing on blame.

At the same time, we all fail to do what we can as best we can, so examining our personal behavior matters and as do working harder to do the best we can.

Thank you for all you do including liking, commenting, or sharing. Kindness blesses the giver and the receiver.

Katherine

Links of interest

 Word Press Daily Prompt

Laugh, Play, Pray, Make Something

Creativity, making something strengthens #emotionalintelligence. It is part of Laugh and Play, one of my Twelve Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises.

We are all creative

 Emotional Intelligence Fitness Thoughts

When we are lucky or as some say blessed, we know the pleasure of making something.  Perfectionism often gets in the way.  Part of what I talked about in yesterday’s parenting post.

I chose to make creativity part of laugh and play to remove it a bit from the perfectionist’s award table.  If it isn’t fun, it isn’t play. If it doesn’t make you laugh, it isn’t play.

As Bob Hope said  about play, “If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.”

 EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE FITNESS TIPS

Tip one: Find a do-it-yourself path that leaves you feeling good. Keep it small. Make a date to play this way daily for at least fifteen minutes a day.

Tip two: Some have found it best to work a bit every day on longer term projects. Crocheting was one of mine. Fifteen minutes a day and in time I had a finished project.  Some working on longer term projects might be  poets spend their fifteen minutes adding a line, or polishing one.I try to work a bit each day on my never ending novel.

Tip three: Warning work on good enough, not perfect.  I fall prey to wanting to make my writing error free. that too often means I re-write and re-write and re-write.  Those of you who follow me, now how I still fail to keep the word nazi’s happy. Sigh, but no money for an editor combined with dysgraphia equals defeat if I do not eventually settle for good enough. And that certainly is what keeps me from finishing my novel.  I did however, get one short story about it published under a pen name. Sexy stuff but if you want to read it go here. Begetting Merlin.  Warning it will cost you 99 cents to download and read. Forgive me.

By the way, I consider writing my end of life’s work, so I endure the frustration. The satisfaction comes  with pushing the publish button and greater satisfaction comes when someone shares.  I am still boosting my emotional fitness because a favorite blogger of mine Granny reports blogREBLOGGED MY POST. A firsy;  just remembering that fact fills me with gratitude and pleasure once again. Thank you Granny.

Tip four: Also try to find the pleasure in everyday tasks. As a Zen saying goes;

” Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water; after enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.”

Cooking is the best example of trying to do this for me.  Trying to cook three meals a day every day gets burdensome, more so now that I have to worry abit about hubby’s diabetic eating needs.   But if I look for the pleasure I find in feeding myself and others good food,  and in keeping the man I would occasionally like to murder alive, the pleasure overcomes the burden.

STAY STRONG

Thank you for all you do, particularly for sharing and caring. It matters and not just to the person you give to; it is a way of giving to yourself.

Katherine

Today’s Word Press’s  DAILY PROMPT Handmade Tales - Automation has made it possible to produce so many objects — from bread to shoes — without the intervention of human hands (assuming that pressing a button doesn’t count). What things do you still prefer in their traditional, handmade version?

Think I’ve answered that above.

LINKS OF INTEREST