Valentine Reality: Love is Blind. Think a Bit When Giving Away your Heart.

How many times has a forever love broken yours heart? Something to think about as Valentine Day approaches. True love survives but only with nurturing.

#Quotes about how to keep love alive.

The inspiration for this post belongs to Dr. Mardy and his story of finding lasting love. After several heart breaks, a  failed marriage and subsequent divorce, he found a love thathas  lasted for nearly  25 years. But he also found that keeping love alive required lots of work.

Emotional Fitness Tips of the day: Remember what matters, be grateful for what you have been given, practice kindness, live now, and forgive all.

These are the most important Emotional Fitness Training Exercises and are more fully discussed in my newest eBook Cross Train Your Brain, Twelve Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises. This is free at the moment.

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Thank you for all you do.  Thank me by remembering sharing is caring; so is liking, or commenting on this post.

Your caring keeps me going.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

  1. Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises (www.emotionalfitnesstraining.com
  2. An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents (amazon.com)
  3. The five components of Emotional Intelligence (www.sonoma.edu)
  4. Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)
  5. Emotional Fitness Tips for Parents  (parentsarepeopletoo.com)

 

What’s In a Name? Does Yours Fit You?

Caring parents put a lot of thought into names for their expected children. Fact: how the child feels about the name may not be what the parents planned on.

names-fi

Today’s Word Press Prompt  Say Your Name suggested this: Write about your first name: Are you named after someone or something? Are there any stories or associations attached to it? If you had the choice, would you rename yourself?

As a therapist and  the founder of Emotional Fitness Training, Inc. I ask people to tell me about their names.  Also, I  and long ago created the above What’s In Your Name Poster Coach before Word Press asked its questions.

Names, for better or worse, shape our identity and awareness of who we are or are not. The more self-awareness, the stronger our emotional intelligence.

Emotional Training Tips

Tip One: Answer the questions on the Poster Coach.

Tip Two: If you don’t know the story of how your parents chose your name, find it out if you can. I was named for my mother who wished she had been called Vaughan.  Moreover, there was also a family tradition of naming the first-born son for his father, so she morphed that into naming me for her.

Tip Three:  Rate your happiness with your name. 1 is hate it, 2 is it is okay, 3 happy with it.

Tip Four: If you hate it, try changing it. I switched from Vaughan to  Katherine when I started graduate school and no one knew me by Vaughan. That morphed into Kathy which wasn’t my preferred name. I say Kathy as a petite and cute blond, not a gangly, mousy-haired woman of just okay looks. But I was extremely happy to be rid of Vaughan, so Kathy was okay.  Eventually, I became Katherine professionally and mostly Kat among friends.

Tip Five: Changing your name is not always successful, and as the Poster Coach notes, I have learned to be called by many names and no longer mind. In fact, I even like Vaughan lots more than when I was growing up. What matters is liking yourself, not  what you are called. And I have aged into liking me. Hope you do the same.

Parenting tips

Tip One: Pick a child’s name carefully. My family picked a common first name and a family name as the middle name. That allow an easier choice if the child wanted to change what s/he was called in adulthood.My brother John was known as Hamilton in our family, but he made sure the rest of the world called him John.

Tip Two: Make sure the child knows why you picked their name.

Tip Three:  Make it clear a name is just a name and as Shakespeare noted, “A rose by any other name smells the same.”  That is the first step in protecting you child from the slings and arrows of name-calling.

SMART GOAL SETTING UPDATE

If you have been following my Goal Setting Posts, you know I am in the midst of trying to decide what to do with the rest of my life.  As I will be 80 next year, time significantly reduces long-term planning.

I want to leave some part of EFTI behind, when I cannot nurture it, The SMART goal exercise made me facc the fact that the best place to put my efforts was in publishing more eBooks and paperback books. I hope to get a new book out each month starting in March.

I have spent revising and formatting January my 12 Easy Exercise book in PDF format.  Here is the cover, and it will be published tonight or tomorrow. I will offer it as a free download for two weeks.

CROSS TRAIN COVER4

As I have worked on this one, I developed a template that makes rewriting or organizing books easier or so I am hoping.

February, I  plan to learn how to format my books for Smash Words and Amazon. March will be formatting a book for Create Space or a similar paperback producer. Wish me well.  the lottery all this would be easier, but as working on stuff like this keeps me feeling productive and useful, I am grateful. .

Winning  the lottery  would make all this easier, but as working on stuff like this keeps me feeling productive and useful, I am grateful.

I was also reminded to look at what I wanted life to be like. Family and friends matter most to me, in the long run, then comes EFTI.

What does this mean?  In terms of my blog, I am  posting less as I work harder on getting eBooks out.  I will work to post at least once a week and possibly more. I am tryin to figure out how to get a post up using some of my Poster Coaches in an hour or less.  If you have subscribed to my blog, you will get an update when I post.

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Thank you for all you do.  Thank me by remembering sharing is caring; so is liking, or commenting. Your caring keeps me going.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises (www.emotionalfitnesstraining.com
The five components of Emotional Intelligence (www.sonoma.edu)Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)Emotional Fitness Tips for Parents  (parentsarepeopletoo.com)
An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents(amazon.com)

 

 

Shy? Well think about this: Tips to Stay Strong

Are you shy? Think for a minute about these quotes. Why? Because shyness urges you to hide even when you have nothing to hide.

HIDING QUOTES

I am shy in small crowds meeting for chit-chat. Cannot stand cocktail parties. But when I appeared on Oprah I do not remember being nervous at all. Curious,?  What made the difference? For Oprah,  I felt I had information that would help other people. That helped me over-ride my innate shyness.  

EMOTIONAL FITNESS TIPS

Letting shyness rule you keeps you from enjoying all the good life can offer.  Shyness also partners with shame and then both boss you far too much. Mostly by urging you to hide.

Tip One: Ask yourself what you are hiding. Here’s a personal example. Once as a teen and at a party, I suddenly discovered the fly on my Lee jeans was open. I panicked and immediately fled the party.

What was I hiding? The thought that people would think my boyfriend and I had been doing something sexy.  We hadn’t, not that night. Moreover, most of my friends would either not have cared, or been happy for us.

Shy people rarely do something shameful.  Predators who do shameful stuff are not shy or they could not prey on people.  So in attacking shyness, and you are not doing anything shameful, do the opposite of what you are afraid of doing.

Tip Two: Tackle shyness in small steps. An easy one is to smile and say hello to strangers passing by on the street (during daytime and with others around). Next step, instead of just saying hello, look for something to compliment a stranger walking by you on the street. Then try complimenting someone waiting on you in a store or restaurant. Finally, get out to a party with both friends and strangers. Smile, say hello, and compliment, at least, three strangers. .

Tip Three:  learn to laugh at yourself. With a bit of help from a publicist, I used humor about towering over  Oprah  to laugh at myself. Doing so became a useful bit of publicity.

PARENTING TIPS

Shyness is a temperament trait and gets passed along through genes. That probably means you or your mate are shy.  The good news is that it can be moderated if not completely overcome.

Tip One: If you are shy and have not  overcome, work on that. Stop hiding who you are, what you feel, and how you think.

Tip Two: The younger your child the less you should worry. 

Tip Three:  Expose the child to lots of different social events as soon as s/he can walk but be there to comfort if the child feels unsafe..

Tip Four: At the age of four or five, start actively  helping a child deal with shyness. Be pushy and make your child get out and about. Model my  mother’s constant refrain when I didn’t want to do something, “Nothing ventured, nothing gain.

A first good step is to teach him or her  how to shake hands and respond properly when introduced to an adult.

Tip Five: Build confidence in other areas. I was confident in my ability to offer troubled parents solid advice when I went of Oprah as I had survived and often thrived when caring for my many foster children.

If you want to see my opening and closing act on Oprah, here it is. 

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Thank you for all you do.  Thank me by remembering sharing is caring; so is liking, or commenting. Your caring keeps me going.

Katherine

POST INSPIRATION

This post was inspired by this WordPress Daily Prompt;  Naked with Black Socks. Are you comfortable in front of people, or does the idea of public speaking make you want to hide in the bathroom? Why?

I think the post answered it? Do you agree? Have you conquered public speaking? If so, share some tips in the comments.

LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises (www.emotionalfitnesstraining.com
The five components of Emotional Intelligence (www.sonoma.edu)Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)Emotional Fitness Tips for Parents  (parentsarepeopletoo.com)
An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents(amazon.com)

 

 

How to Laugh More, Fret Less, Strengthen Your Emotional Intelligence

Laugh lots and strengthen your  emotional fitness aka Emotional Intelligence.    Here’s a quick stress test that hopefully will give you a chuckle or two.

Humorouse test of your #emotiionalintelligence.

Did you chuckle just a bit? Laughter is an important Emotional Fitness Training Exercise.  Best tip: Learn to laugh at yourself.

Did you laugh a bit because one of the test questions was  close to a truth for you?  Were you able to laugh at yourself?

I have known many moments when my truths were yearning for life in solitary confinement  or wanting to call the child abuse hotline for the benefit of my inner child.

Eleanor Roosevelt hit the hammer on the head when she said,  “You don’t grow up until you have your first good laugh at yourself.”

Emotional Fitness Thoughts

Learning to laugh at yourself is not easy. It comes with age and perspective. It comes with realizing you are not the center of the universe.  That requires a heavier level of thinking than children and some adults are capable of.

Small children are designed to think they control all that happens.  Why? Because at least then there is hope something can be changed. Children learn very early on that they do not control others or what happens, better to try to control yourself. Which adults need to think about a bit more.

Children laugh at the silly or ridiculous, but not  at themselves.  Nor can adults ruled by  child-like thinking laugh at their foibles and shortcomings.  Makes for a sadder life for both.

When you can live at peace with the idea that you are human and not perfect, you have become an adult, but also a comedic genius. A stutterer who has learned to say “Is there an echo around here?” fairs better than the one who speaks less and less for fear of being scorned.

Emotional Fitness Tips

Laughing at yourself is a learned skill. Here are some steps to follow to developing a healthy ability to laugh at yourself:

Tip One: Watch the comedians that use self-deprecation as a comedic tool.

Josh Blue, winner of The Last Comic Standing won  fame poking fun of his cerebral palsy: I don’t swear. I just have really well-timed Tourette’s.

Rodney Dangerfield built his career on self-deprecation; here’s a quote from his autobiography, It’s Not Easy Bein’ Me. “According to statistics about men in their eighties, only one out of a hundred makes it to ninety. With odds like that, I’m writing very fast. I want to get it all done. I mean, I’m not a kid anymore, I’m getting old. The other night, I was driving, I had an accident. I was arrested for hit-and-walk.

Susan J. Vamos, a plus-size comedian, uses the following line in her show: “Now, get ready for the fat lady to sing (and you aren’t going to enjoy it because I’m tone deaf.)”

If these can do it so can you.

Tip Two: Develop some throwaway lines.   Comedians use them all the time when jokes either  work or do not work.

When people are laughing at you try: “Guess my writers deserve a raise.” or “Guess I really am the Last Comic Standing..”

When people aren’t laughing and you want them to  try: “Guess I’m not ready to be the Last Comic Standing.” or, “I told my writers that one wouldn’t fly. It is like an obese eagle.”

Tip Three: When you cannot laugh at anything, you need to see a therapist.  Why? You most likely  are dealing with a trauma reaction, what EFTI calls a Life Blow.

You are recovering  from a LIfe Blow  when you find laughter re-entering your life. However, talking to a competent therapist will speed the process.

Parenting Tip:  When you kids are laughing,  join in. 

This post was inspired by the WordPress Daily PromptRoaring Laughter  by Ben Huberman. The prompt: What was the last thing that gave you a real, authentic, tearful, hearty belly laugh? Why was it so funny?

Not that I answered the question? Have you noticed I rarely do?

Practice Kindness

Thank you for all you do to support me. You keep me going. If you liked this post, share, like, or comment. Either one boosts my morale, increases my ratings, and when shared might help another.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises (www.emotionalfitnesstraining.com
The five components of Emotional Intelligence (www.sonoma.edu)Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)Emotional Fitness Tips for Parents  (parentsarepeopletoo.com)
An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents(amazon.com)