Emotfit's Blog

ANGER, SADNESS, HURT, STRESS, FEAR IN ANY OF  THEIR  VARIATIONS  OUT  TO CONTROL YOU?  You are not alone.  

Negative feelings are woven into the fabric of life.  You cannot live without them.  Most negative feelings want you to act without thinking.  Rarely a good idea.

When you act without thinking the feeling controls you.  The good news? You already have many of the skills you need to stay strong and in control.   Emotional Fitness Training exercises strengthen those skills. Click here to learn more about this blog and EFTI.  To feel a bit better, read on.

 TO FEEL BETTER NOW, TRY EACH OF THESE FOUR INTRODUCTORY EXERCISES 

The first two exercises teach you Calming Breath and Centering.  In addition to strengthening your ability to stay strong in the presence of a negative feeling, these two exercises are the path to practicing the other Emotional Fitness Training Exercises with full awareness.  All too often, we are half aware of all that is.  Useful when what we aren’t aware of is painful.  Not useful  if we don’t stay aware of  the  everyday things that keep us emotionally strong . Think of a favorite picture you see twenty times a day.  Most of the times you don’t see it.  To see a picture with full awareness:

1.  Look intently at the picture–in other words Focus
2. Taking a Calming Breath
3.  Centering as you stay focused for a few moments
4. Taking  a final Calming Breath
5.  Going on about your life

The third exercise strengthens your Feeling Awareness Skills so negative feelings do not sneak up on you and take control.

The fourth exercise is a final self-soothing exercise designed to keep you focused on what matters.

This exercises may seem simple or simplistic.  Simple yes, simplistic no.  The exercises work and each is based on sound scientific research.  The bad news: the exercises don’t work if you don’t  practiced each on regularly.  Nothing does.  To change a bad habit, you must replace it with new behavior at least 600 times and then keep reinforcing the new habit regularly.  But there is good news:  Emotional Fitness Training Exercises are designed to be practiced in minutes and some in less than a minute.  Start now to improve your ability to handle negative feelings.  Here are the exercises.

EXERCISE ONE:  CALMING BREATH    Negative feelings create stress and tenseness; managing negative emotions starts with calming the body. This exercise is one of quickest as well as most effective ways to calm your body’s response to any negative emotion:

1. Slowly breathe in, and  as you do, tighten all your muscles starting with your toes and moving up to the very top of your head.
2. Hold the tightness and your breathe briefly.
3. Slowly breathe out as you consciously release the tension starting with your head and moving down to your toes.
4. At the end of this breath, smile softly and say “Ahhhhh” or “Thank you.”

EXERCISE TWO: CENTERING   This exercise builds on Calming Breath:

1. Take a Calming Breath.
2. Breathe normally.
3. Notice what it feels like to just breathe.
4. Imagine a safe place.
5. Repeat a calming slogan.
6. Every now and then take another Calming Breath.
7. Whenever you want, end the exercise with a final calming breath.

EXERCISE THREE: WHAT ARE YOU FEELING NOW?    Thinking about what you are feeling promotes feeling awareness.  Feeling awareness is one of the six most iimportant emotional fitness skills.   Research shows that we think we know what we are feeling, but often that is an illusion.  Moreover, staying attuned to what you are feelings makes it more likely you can keep a negative feeling from controlling you.  The easiest way to  improve your feeling awareness is to  pause periodically throughout the day and  ask yourself what you are feeling at the moment.

Think of that as taking a feeling temperature.  Feeling thermometers  further help pin point the presence of negative feelings.  When you take your feeling temperature do so with full awareness by taking a Calming Breathe before, breathing normally while you think about how you are feelings, and taking a calming breathe after taking your feeling temperature.

If when you stop to examine what you are feeling, you are feeling good or great or  fantastic, enjoy.  If you are feeling only so-so or down, move on to the next exercise.

EXERCISE FOUR: REMEMBER WHAT MATTERS Getting and staying strong involves remembering what is important. Most negative feelings are responses to things that really do not matter in the long run. Being cut off in traffic, breaking a fingernail, not being able to buy the newest gadget, someone else’s rudeness—these are just not worth worrying about. What really matters? Whether you are kind, caring, and fair. Scientific knowledge and the wisdom of the ages agree the healthiest people live lives based on trying to make the world a better place for all living creatures. You cannot be emotionally fit if your heart is full of anger, selfishness, greed, or hate. Whenever you are upset it is important to ask yourself if what you are stressed about is important in the long run. Keeping perspective keeps you emotionally fit. The quotes on the right side of the blog, are designed to help you think about what matters.  Each can be used as an emotional fitness exercise, by taking a calming breath, reading the quote, thinking about what it says and then taking another calming breath and going on about your life.

MORE MAY BE NEEDED    For many people these four  exercises  are enough to start feeling better immediately.  For others, more practice is needed.     Changing habits and mindsets takes just as much practice as perfecting any other skill.  You might want to purchase a  Poster Coach or our Feeling Management E-Book to further develop the skills that control negative feelings.

When self help efforts are not  enough, support groups, coaches, counselors and therapists might do the trick.  You might want to start with an EFTI email consultation.

WHEN  PROFESSIONAL HELP IS A MUST

You must  see a mental health professional if the stress and difficulties you are facing lead to you making plans to hurt yourself or someone else. Professional help is also needed when:

1. You are too distressed to do what has to be done.   Despite life’s ups and downs, most people get themselves up and going.  Most people go to work or school and do what needs doing not to fail or get fired.  Work for parents also means  taking care of children who cannot care for themselves.  Work for children means school and learning social skills.  When stress or negative feelings constantly interfere  with the abiilty to adequately perform any of these jobs, it is time to get help.
2. You do things that your know endanger your health–you doctor says you must stop eating so much and you cannot.  You drink more than one or two drinks at a time or everyday or  abuse drugs.  You get involved in physical fights or are known as a risk taker and find yourself often getting  hurt because of risk taking.
3. Your body can’t take the stress.  You are always tired, hurting, sick.
4. Others tell you to get help.  There is an old saying that if one person calls you a donkey, forget it, but when three or more say the same, take what they are saying seriously.  We don’t always see ourselves clearly.

STIGMA KEEPS TOO MANY FROM SEEKING HELP   If you broke your ankle  and couldn’t walk, you would immediately go to for professional help. The right help at the right time means walking without a limp, leading a normal life. Emotional problems are exactly the same.  When stress or out of control feelings have you limping through life, help is possible.  Moreover, for major emotional problems, the longer you don’t get the help you need, the more diffult it is to change.